Explore Holy Taco

Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (S3 E5)

Last week sure was intense wasn’t it?  Can they keep up the intensity this week and, if so, does that mean another shitty cast member has to die?  Oh man, I don’t know yet!

We start the action in Mayberry, they have a dog and backyard BBQs and everything, almost like the dead aren’t swarming the countryside.  There are ice cubes and checkered shirts and my God, won’t someone judge a pie?

Down at the governor’s house the merriment continues as he brushes his daughter’s hair OH GOD HER SCALP IS OFF!  Yes, it’s the zombie Penny.  Ol Guv slaps a sack on her head and wrestlers her for ait as her scalping seems to have angered her and then he looks outside and there’s stupid as a brick Michonne who wouldn’t know subtlety if it tied her up and tortured her for the next few episodes.  It’s not a spoiler if I’m only guessing.

Back at the prison we have a baby to deal with and Lord knows a zombie prison is only a slightly worse place to raise a baby than Detroit.  But people survive there, so they’ll survive here.  Also, Rick just literally went insane.  It’s quite odd.

Time to run for baby formula as Rick just goes completely goddamn insane.  Then it’s back to Mayberry and the Governor is just so hokey and wholesome it’s obvious he’s insane.  Are we meant to believe these people are just desperate for normal life so they overlook what a crock of shit this guy is?  He’s like Patrick Bateman with a workshirt.

Michonne meddles around like Velma and tries to get into a door but it’s no dice.  So she runs away as the Guv and his cronies talk about non-specific stuff because they can’t spoil the show even though in the context of the show there’s no reason not to speak clearly about what they mean. Oh well.

Out back Michonne finds a gaggle of zombies kept in a cage, so she does what anyone would do and kills them all.  But she gets caught because apparently it was someone’s job, in the middle of this big, daytime town party, to go feed the zombies.  Sounds legit!

Michonne has a chat with the Guv and he calls her bluff on Penny, talks too much and then she escapes.  Um.  Ok.  It’s anticlimactic.  Then back to prison while Glenn digs a hole cuz he has to.  Dig dig dig.  He tells Oldy Olson who should be dead that he would trade anyone for their people because some kind of less than subtle message about what zombies represent about mankind in all zombie fiction that tries to have a message.

Rick is apparently nutty as a fruitcake now, just storming through the prison killing zombies.  It is arguably the most poorly written thing in the three seasons of this show.  It’s a cartoon version of crazy and it angers me.

Andrea and Michonne argue about leaving town like a couple of buttheads, neither one explaining anything to the other.  Andrea is apparently too dumb to realize a town that collects zombies is weird and Michonne is too dumb to mention the bullet holes in the Army trucks.  Good game, ladies.

Merle and the evil nerd scientist catch some zombies in a scene that is just them catching zombies.  The make up artists got a work to this week at least.

Maggie and Daryl are on the hunt for baby formula in a scene that lasts about 5minutes and accomplishes nothing other than the discovery of 2 cans of formula.  No zombies, no drama, no dialogue of any importance.  Then it’s time for Michonne and Andrea to leave town and…they can.  So they don’t.  At least Andrea doesn’t because, as we stated already, without Lori in the cast Andrea is the new dumbass who can’t think right.   So Michonne leaves and Andrea stays in crazy town.

Andrea and the Guv go on a date or some shit because this storyline is awful to me.  Back at prison the formula comes back and they feed it to little baby Starvesalot.  Carl proceeds to rattle off the name of the dead because he’s a total downer and then we go back to bloody, grimy Rock as he finds another zombie, makes it eat his gun and then he proceeds to stab it repeatedly in the gut.  Do we know who that zombie is?  I have no idea, but this seems a little unnecessary.

Back in town, Andrea gets to see what happens to the party at night.  See, it’s a zombie coliseum!  They have fights in a ring made of chained up zombies.  Oh man, how interesting!  Zombie Thunderdome.  And the crowd cheers as Andrea finds it horribly barbaric.  Meh.

As we settle in for the final scene we’re back to crazy as shit Rick, in a dark pit of the prison next to his dead zombie friend.  And the phone rings.  And I read the books so I know who it is.   Yeah.   Meh.

0 Responses to "Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (S3 E5)"