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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead recap (S3 E6)

Rick is still insane and talking on the phone to people who can’t possibly be there.  Let’s be honest, the entire premise of someone randomly dialing the phone in a world that hasn’t been functioning in several years is pretty weak ass.  Who’s buying this?  No one.  But we’ll play along.

Rick’s call makes him social again and he returns to the group.  Meanwhile Michonne is making hilariously clever puzzles out of zombie parts before decapitating characters whose names we never get to learn while Merle hunts her through the woods.  Merle is a 60 year old hillbilly, what the hell is this shit?  He’s old, man!

Back at the town that sanity forgot, Andrea wants to help out because she’s a goddamned moron.  She really is.  Guv’nor Douche decides she can work the wall with some kid who shoots arrows poorly so why the hell does she have this job?  Who knows.

Rick gets a second phone call from some dude who asks him too many questions and then hangs up when Rick won’t explain what happened to his wife.  This is so obvious, Rick.  Stop being a douche.

In the woods, Michonne is still screwing with Merle and kicks a lot of ass until a bunch of zombies attack.  For kicks, she guts one on her own face so the FX and make up guys have a job to do this week.  Merle eventually decides to give up on the hunt because it’s taking too damn long and he’s getting tired and whatnot.  He decides to head home except his one surviving buddy doesn’t want to leave and/or lie to the Governor so in a second terribly obvious scene Merle shoots him.  Is my recap this week lazy?  It’s as lazy as the story was.  These are twists someone in a neck brace could see coming.  I’m very disappointed.

On the upside, Carl is just a full grown little adult now and no one gives a shit what he does, so he’s wandering the prison with Daryl and one of the felons because why not.  He lets Daryl know how he killed his own mom and once again we’re blissfully reminded Lori is no longer a character on the show.  I hope the actress is not allowed to work again for at least 6 months as penance for being such a suck hole character.

Andrea and the Governor have a moment to discuss Andrea’s zany jumping over the wall to kill zombies and then they flirt because Andrea is a moron.  Just such a moron.  She really amped it up after Lori died.  We as an audience know that the Guv is a really shitbag and whatnot but even what Andrea has seen is pretty ridiculous.  He has gladiatorial zombie fights.  Who does that?

Michonne stumbles upon two amazing things in a row – the first is that if you’re covered in zombie guts, zombies leave you alone.  The second is Glenn and Maggie.  However, since Michonne doesn’t know Glenn and Maggie, she just hides and watches them do dumb shit because no one read the books this show is based on.  Blah.

I guess the next scene is Andrea and The Guv on a date.  This whole storyline is awful, isn’t it?  Is it just me?  No, it’s awful.  And all their conversations drift in and out of flirty small talk to almost ominous small talk and back and it’s just tiring to endure at this point.  Plus they kissed, and that’s pretty lame but does confirm Andrea has no ability to judge character.

While Michonne spies on Glenn and Maggie, Merle shows up again because why not?  And he somehow gets the drop on both of them despite them having guns drawn on him from like 10 feet away.

Rick is 100% batshit as he talks to his dead wife on the phone and we all feel a little bit bad for the man.  But no time for sorrow as Andrea and the Guv are humping until Merle interrupts with some lies and deception.  Oh Merle, you are a cad.

Rick proceeds to hold his a baby like a baboon raising a lion over the savannah and all is well in the world for the next 20 seconds.  Then we find out Carol is still alive because no one here is skilled in the art of counting bodies.  For real?  No one looked for Carol?  I thought she was dead.  Wasn’t she in the grave that Daryl put the flower on?  What the hell?

Then Michonne shows up with groceries!  Hells yeah, bitches.

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