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Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (S3 E7)

Poor Glenn, captured by Merle and ready to be tortured or whatever.  And Glenn’s a pussy so you know this isn’t going to end well.  I don’t mean that in a mean way, he’s heroic in a sneaky way.  But like, face to face heroics?  Nah.

Merle jumps into the racism really quickly as he reminisces with Glenn about old times and keeps asking about his brother like a broken record, then tosses in some veiled threats about Maggie.  He then proceeds to mash the knife blade flat against Glenn’s mouth whilst holding the sharp sides in his hands.  What?  But then it’s beating time.  Beat away!

Back the prison and Michonne is just hangin with the zombies at the gate until they smell how she’s food.  Then she needs to kung fu the shit out of them all.  But then she passes out because she was shot, as you my recall.  Once it’s no longer funny to watch her almost get eaten, Rick and Carl help out.  Nice guys.

Michonne gets brought in so they can just stare at her and whatnot.  It’s not like they have a doctor handy to do much for her.  But no time for Michonne hwen we discover Carol is still alive, or at least everyone who wasn’t watching last week finds out.  Way to keep track of your friends, guys.  You assholes.

Back in town, the Guv has work to do.  Serious, evil work.  But after he porks Andrea.  Heh heh heh.

In the prison, Michonne lets everyone know Glenn and Maggie are in some shit.   People act all pissy and tough.  Yadda yadda.

Meanwhile Glenn is losing a lot of blood, but what’s he need it for anyway?  Merle is still being all saucy and then he catches Glenn in a dirty lie.  Oh Glenn.  You’ve lost this game of cat and mouse.  Time for a commercial.

Hershel sews up Michonne’s bullet wound because that’s how he rolls and then Carl just watches her with his gun hand ready.  The group decide to form a posse to go rescue Glenn and Maggie because posses are wicked cool.

Rick and Carl have a moment together because it’s not preposterous to do that right now.  Carl wants to name the baby after his 3rd grade teacher.  Pulled that right out of his ass, didn’t he?

In town there’s goofy crap afoot.  Are they euthanizing an old man with a singing bowl?  What the hell is this bullshit?  Plus he was using that thing wrong.  Now they’re playing 20 questions with him and I don’t know what’s going on.  Let’s torture Glenn some more.  Glenn manages to fight off a zombie whilst tied to a chair, and knock its eye ball out from the inside.  Not bad.

Back to the doc, they’re trying to pull some Day of the Dead shit with the zombies, see if they remember stuff from life after death.  Yeah, good luck with that.  Andrea and the creepy doctor are waiting for this old dude to die and then they restrain him.  Next stop is seeing if he remembers the words to any Stones songs.

The Guv decides he’ll interrogate Andrea which I assume means show her his penis and then light it on fire.  He’s insane, as you recall.  Instead he unbinds her and is all polite and shit for a minute.  Then he tells her to take her shirt off.  If you read the books you still find this torture scene insulting.  But I guess for TV it’s something.  Then he takes off his belt.  Yeah, he’s a scumbag. Are we going to have to endure a Walking Dead rape scene?  Nope.  AMC doesn’t have the stones.  Which is probably for the best, who wants to see that?

Back with the posse, these post-apocalyptic cars are clean as hell.  They pull over to find the town on foot and we, the audience, have to deal with the knowledge they’ve brought both felons with them, like that won’t backfire.  But before that can happen, a whole swarm of zombies come out of nowhere.  For some reason.

They hide out in a shitty, stink shack but the zombies figure it out anyway.  This all seems very weird.  And then there’s a crazy ass hillbilly in the shack.  Are you shitting me?  Where did this insanity come from?  Then Michonne kills him.  What the hell is the point of this entire scene?  Were they running short of the hour and needed some pointless filler?

The old man with Andrea and the Doc finally turns into a zombie and it takes about 5 seconds for that experiment to come to an end.  Then Guv puts a gun to Glenn in front of Maggie to get her to squeal about the prison.  Rough deal for the good guys.  And just as the episode comes to an end, Rick and crew come to the town.  Oh man!  Shit’s gonna get real.  But in a drawn out way with bursts of excitement.

Oh, but then the episode ends with the Governor comforting Andrea, because she’s dumb.

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