A man who trained monkeys to perform karate for street performances was attacked by his own ninja monkeys when they turned against him during a performance. When questioned later about the incident, the man stated "ever since my monkeys fell into that vat of secret ooze, things just haven’t been the same."
A Swiss geologist is on trial for allegedly causing earthquakes while drilling for rocks. In a related story, Kirstie Alley is currently wanted by authorities for causing a series of intense earthquakes while putting on her pants this morning.
A Toddler in Tennessee left his home drinking a beer at 2 in the morning, broke into a neighbor’s house, and stole some Christmas presents. Scientists are citing the incident as the latest in a series of events that prove that Tennessee is, in fact, the shittiest most f*cked up place on the face of the Earth.
A Florida woman was arrested for beating her boyfriend with a piece of raw, frozen meat when he refused to eat a slice of bread. The man blames the incident on his inability to hear well, stating that he mistook her threat, "I’ll beat you with meat if you don’t eat this slice of bread" to be "I’ll beat your meat and bone your’a nice’a head." He went on to say that, in hindsight, he should’ve known something was amiss, as this was the first time his girlfriend had ever sounded cartoonishly Italian.
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Story #3 has it wrong… Alabama is the most fucked up shittiest place on the planet.
I live in the town where that 4 year old was found drinking a beer and walking around at 2:00 in the morning. He also had on a girls dress that he had stolen from under the Christmas. His mom said he wanted to go to jail to be with his daddy. Pretty sad actually.
Hey…I thought Ted Kennedy was dead!