More News You Won't Believe Is Real

October 9th, 2009 | 09:45 am

1. Dead Clown Deer Somehow Fails to Be Hilarious

Animal Control officers in Sioux City, Iowa were upset to find a dead deer dressed as a clown on a family's porch Wednesday morning. The family says the deer mentioned something about not feeling well, but they thought it was part of the routine.

2. Gaza Zoo Zebras are Actually Horse Shit

Following the starvation death of their two remaining zebras, Gaza City Zoo keepers painted stripes on a couple of donkeys to act as replacements. Zoo visitor Hasan Yaseen says his children have never seen a real zebra before, so they enjoy the Gaza version almost as much as they love the zoo's two-legged dog, which they called "the best kangaroo we've ever seen."

3. Woman Dies Under 8-Foot Pile of Own Garbage

City officials in Jacksonville, Florida condemned the home of a 71-year old woman who was found dead under 8 feet of garbage. Authorities think they may have determined the cause of death, but are still baffled as to how her front door became a portal to New Jersey.

4. Man Puts Beer in Baby Bottle

A Charleston man was accused of putting beer into the bottle of an infant he was babysitting. When questioned by police, the man said the baby had already been drinking. He claimed that when he arrived it was shirtless, had already shit its pants, and couldn't walk straight or speak coherently.

5. 77 Cats Seized from Couples Home

California Animal Control officers seized 77 cats from a home this week in what they've called one of the worst animal hoarding cases they've ever seen, and emphasizing that it is illegal to house more than 7 cats in a single residence. Upon hearing the news, Rosie O'Donnell asked if the same rule applied to broiled turkeys, and then she continued frantically shoveling hundreds of broiled turkeys out of her bedroom window, because she's a big fat slob.