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More News You Won’t Believe Is Real

 

Animal Control officers in Sioux City, Iowa were upset to find a dead deer dressed as a clown on a family’s porch Wednesday morning.  The family says the deer mentioned something about not feeling well, but they thought it was part of the routine.
 
Following the starvation death of their two remaining zebras, Gaza City Zoo keepers painted stripes on a couple of donkeys to act as replacements.  Zoo visitor Hasan Yaseen says his children have never seen a real zebra before, so they enjoy the Gaza version almost as much as they love the zoo’s two-legged dog, which they called "the best kangaroo we’ve ever seen."
 
City officials in Jacksonville, Florida condemned the home of a 71-year old woman who was found dead under 8 feet of garbage.  Authorities think they may have determined the cause of death, but are still baffled as to how her front door became a portal to New Jersey.
 
A Charleston man was accused of putting beer into the bottle of an infant he was babysitting. When questioned by police, the man said the baby had already been drinking.  He claimed that when he arrived it was shirtless, had already shit its pants, and couldn’t walk straight or speak coherently.
 
California Animal Control officers seized 77 cats from a home this week in what they’ve called one of the worst animal hoarding cases they’ve ever seen, and emphasizing that it is illegal to house more than 7 cats in a single residence.  Upon hearing the news, Rosie O’Donnell asked if the same rule applied to broiled turkeys, and then she continued frantically shoveling hundreds of broiled turkeys out of her bedroom window, because she’s a big fat slob.
 

6 Responses to "More News You Won’t Believe Is Real"

  1. X says:

    These links are effed. The second and fifth are copies of the link above it…

  2. justin says:
    Thanks. The links should be correct now.
  3. bogea olson says:

    news you won’t CARE is real

  4. eat shit says:

    Jersey rules!!! Go fist yourself!

  5. office jerk says:

    well played holy taco, well played.

  6. Smokey. says:

    I’m liking these weird news posts