MTV’s Teen Moms Love Making Permanent Mistakes, Like Having Babies and Getting Bad Tattoos

The young ladies on MTV’s “Teen Mom” series are clearly not fit for serious decision making. Let’s just disregard the choices they make when considering who’s genetics they think they should pass on. And let’s ignore the fact that all but one of them actually decided that keeping the baby was a perfectly good idea. Let’s focus instead on their choices in body art.

There are certain decisions every young person faces as they endure the transition from childhood to adulthood. It’s never easy, and it seems to happen incredibly fast. It’s like one day you’re picking out which Barbies to play with, and the next day you’re trying to decide if you’re going to let that twenty five year old wal-mart oil change mechanic slip the condom off. It’s tough, I know, and you’re not always in complete control — except when you’re paying someone to permanently mark your skin with a design that you’ve approved of.

Out of eight teen moms from two seasons of the show, five of them all got tattoos, and three of them have been permanently marked with what I would, at best, consider folk art in honor of their children.

1. Kailyn Lowry

It reads “To the world you are one person, but to one person, you are the world”. Not the most obnoxious, but dumb nonetheless. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen on a needlepoint in the Cracker Barrel gift shop.

2. Jenelle Evans

This bruiser could actually be considered the Oracle of poor teen mom decision making. Consult her if you think you might be making the right choice. Besides getting arrested for assault not long ago, she decided to beat her self up with one relatively illegible “J” for her son, and then a sweet tramp stamp that could only give a Limp Bizkit fan a boner.

3. Maci Bookout

Maci Bookout loves to booze it up even though she’s underage. She got busted by TMZ bonging beers while here daughter was at home drooling on something. But she’s obviously a loving mother. As is indicated by the incredibly fancy lettering in which her daughter’s name is written in on her side. That’s right Bentley, your momma loves you. That’s why she named you after a super expensive car. She’s also got a pretty sweet tat that reads “bullet proof” on her shoulder. She’s has the courage to endure the struggles of being a teen mom. If only she had the courage to buy condoms once in a while. And the huge back piece that seams to be inspired by a pile of scrapbooking stickers, that means she’s got patience.

4. Leah Simms

Oooh! What’s that behind your ear? A quarter? Oh, wait, no, it’s a clear indication that you have no foresight.

5. Amber Portwood

Definitely saving the best for last here. Amber Portwood not only went to jail for beating up her baby daddy, but she also got a portrait of a garbage pail kid tattooed on her muffin top.