Once again, Holy Taco is going to teach you how to do things like a real human being. In today’s post, we’re going to focus particularly on how to nail a job interview. We like to assume that our audience is a direct reflection of ourselves, and if that is the case, then you are well educated, cynical, intelligent and relatively unemployed. Once you run out of money, or get fired from your part time job at a coffee shop for smoking too many cigarettes, you will be faced with the daunting task of finding new work and enduring the interview process. But remember, you’re smart and you deserve a good job. It’s important to know how communicate that to potential employers in an interview, here’s a few tips that will definitely help you out.
1. Act Like You Don’t Need It!
Potential employers are like hot chicks, or cats. If you walk in there looking all needy and desperate, your loser stink will permeate their office and they will consequently pass on you. If possible have a friend call you mid-interview. Answer your cell phone and pretend it’s another employer offering you a position for a better paying job with a more flexible schedule.
2. Be Confident and Intimidate!
I know, it’s a pretty general statement, but you have to keep a good posture, maintain eye contact and make your handshakes firm. Walking in there like you own the place and trying to intimidate the other employees will really send a message!
3. Flip The Interview!
It’s a tough one to pull off, but use the charm you inherited from your carnie father. Let the interviewer get through a few questions, then turn it on them. Start conversationally with questions like “Where are you from?” or “Where’d you go to college?” then, once the barrier has been broken, start digging deep. Then pull a complete 180 with inverted versions of typical interview questions like “Where do you see me in five years?”
4. Answer Questions With Brutal Honesty!
You’re going to get some very run-of-the-mill questions as you tread through these interviews, and employers typically get very run-of-the-mill answers. Switch it up. Wow them. Be yourself. When you get asked something like “Do you work well as part of a team?” don’t say “Yes, I function in a variety of environments, but I really enjoy working together with a group of people towards a common goal.”
Instead, say something like “Yes, I work well as part of a team. As long as everyone else on my team isn’t an asshole.”
5. Follow Up With A Bold “Thank You” Email.
For most positions, you won’t be immediately notified if you got the job or not, so a “thanks for your time” follow-up email is good etiquette. It is, however, often overlooked as another opportunity to make the right kind of impression. When you follow up, tell them that you’d love to take the job, but you’ve still got several others on the table. Give them an ultimatum and a deadline to formally offer you the job.
Glad I was able to get that interview with you in my schedule. It was a good opportunity to get a feel for your company and decide wether or not I want to work there. I’ll be up front with you right now, I have offers on the table from two other companies and they’re both offering two dollars an hour more than you are. If you can match that, and let me wear shorts to work on wednesdays, we’ve got a deal. Otherwise, I walk.
Let me know by four p.m. today or I’ll slash your tires.
- Your New Employee”