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Very nice.
Superhero Name: DonkeyScrotum
Origin Story: After a particularly cruel mexican bible study the entity formerly known as DonkeyXote/philosopher pays his hourly visit to Holy Taco to see what his mortal enemies, the commenters on Holy Taco, have written about him this time, only to discover that a video has been put up by his most hated rival Dwight K. Schrute. Not being able to take the humiliation, DonkeyXote snaps and dons the pink tights in an effort to combat what he perceives as unfair “practices” only to come face to face with his weird and perverted family who are once again horny and want to have another mexican bible study. DonkeyScrotum resists but to no avail and is left out on the yard passed out for random travelers to snap pictures of him thus having this picture end up on Holy Taco.
Super Power: The ability to withstand massive amounts of punishment, mentally, phisically, and sexually. Also the ability to swallow enought jizz to sink an oil tanker.
Superhero name: pink protector
Origin story: just another douche from highschool
super power: cock blocker
Super Hero Name: Chad
Origin Story: It’s a friday, and whats the douchiest of douches supposed to do? Get WASTED on the kind of beers thats WHAT!
Super Power: Getting wasted on the king of beers without vomiting his spine out.
Superhero Name: Moose Knuckle Man
Origin: While on a journey through the mountainous Sahara, MKM came across a herd of meese. Once the herd became aware of MKM’s presence, they quickly started to move towards him. It became apparent to MKM that this herd was not only dangerous, but extremely horny. Too slow to escape, the horny herd caught up with MKM, knocked him down and had their way with him. After several minutes of getting sexually dominated, MKM passed out. When he awoke the meese were gone. Too weak to travel all the way home, MKM jumped on a horse that was so conveniently walking by. After being on the horse for only a few seconds, the horse dropped dead. After a few minutes of confusion, MKM realized what had happened, and more importantly, why he was put on this earth…
Super Power: The ability to suck the life out of any living creature via his moose knuckle.
Superhero Name: Super Thunderbutt
Origin: After getting raped by a radioactive homo Picolo Thunderbutt waking up one day realised he is not just gay, but super-gay. Trying to hide his gayness by drinking ridiculous amounts of beer and do.. other.. stuff straight men do surprisingly found out some strange abilities that would help him save his lame ass and then, the world!
Super Power: Radioactive burping, poisonous deadly sock odor, and he’s got a cape but he can’t fly cause gay people can’t fly!
Superhero Name: Gay Pryde
Origin: During Roman times he was known as Simon, the god of hair-do’s. Now he’s just amazingly gay.
Super Power: Eternal life, Resistance to Aids.
Superhero Name: Craig James; aka Over-E, the Crime Fighting Cocksucker
Origin: 20 years ago, Satan got drunk and had sex with a dog. This dog was none other than Craig’s very mother. Later, when it was discovered, he became confussed and ran away to the one place he knew would accept his kind. San Fransisco…
Once he made it to the city by the bay, he was forced to sell his ass at the bus stop for money to buy food. Things weren’t looking good for Craig until one day when he was servicing an AIDS riddled tranny that he realized his true super power. Tirelessly sucking awesome cock. Craig began to work at the local glory hole, super sucking wangs and dongs of all the men in the Bay Area. As a result of his efforts, the number of sex crimes in SF dropped 78%. The mayor was quick to capitalize on this and declared Craig James a hero, the Offical Crime-Fighting Cocksucker of San Fransisco.
Super Powers: Hell-Spawned, super suction lips. Drawstriing anus. The gag reflex of a 50 year old street walking hooker.
LOL, now that is just too funny dude. Seriously.
Lou
http://www.security-tools.us.tc
Superhero Name: Spencer Pratt
Origin Story: It was 1979, San Francisco. Warm and very sunny. A cool breeze blew through the crowded streets. The parade was the event looked forward to all year. His father came to the turn out, not fully out of the closet yet. With what turned out to be a bizarre series of events, he hooked up with Ellen Degeners, who was wearing a strap on. She became pregnant. Lots of dark stories circulate involving his childhood. No one is quite sure which ones are fact and which are fiction. What we do know is we can thank his mother, Ellen, and his father, Pope John Paul II, for this unholy abomination that roams our streets and televisions.
Super Power: Being able to hide homosexual tendencies behind a grand douche facade.
most of these r really to long to read……
Superhero Name= The Holy Taco
Origin Story= Fed up with living in his mothers basement The Holy Taco moved in with a group of his friends (known as the CockLickers Collective) and post “funny” things on the internet. Shortly after the collectives creation they ran out of “funny” things to post and began recycling old post and trying to pass them off as new. After that failed the Collective simply posted “theme” based crap to do with up coming movie releases and called themselves “sucksesfull”
Super Powers= the ability to sell out faster than a speeding bullet yet still have people religiously check the website
Name: Bud-z-weiser Mainee
Story: As a young man he had never left Maine. When he went to UCB he realized his potential to drink. And drink he did!
After a night of insane partying he was making his long trek back home, until he saw a can of Budweiser suspending midair that was glowing green. He, being high and drunk, quickly captured the beer and chugged it.
The next day he woke up to find himself in bed with two super hot ladies. Throughout the day he found that women were constantly coming up to him and seemed attracted to him. He then realized that the glowing beer had made him a total chick magnet.
Power: Getting Laid!!!
Superhero name: Brobo Cop
Origin: Brobo Cop used to be just a normal broski. He would party with his brohans, but, like any good brah, they all would often drink too much and he witnessed broseph after broseph become “that guy”. You know- the one who passes out and has embarassing things done to him. Brobo Cop took it upon himself to provide the ultimate of noble service; He scours the campus with his brohammed alis finding bromeos in danger of becoming “that guy”, and drinks more than them so that he, in turn, takes the fall for them and saves them the humiliation.
Super Power: The ability to drink ridiculous amounts of alcohol, pass out, and have pink superhero suits and sharpie penises put all over him.
Name: Jo Diggs aka Lou
Origin: Securitytoolsia
Superpower: Amused by stuff…but not really
Name: The Virgin Defender
Story: Created by Kirk Cameron to lead the Christian charge against teenage sexual activity.
Power: One look at this guy will cause any man to lose wood and any women’s vagina to close.
name: Homo erectus
story: gay marriage activist
power: can wear a pink costume
Name: Captain Sassypants
SuperPower: Being Super Sassy
Backstory: Mr. Sassypants is a community college dropout. He fasioned his pink Sassy Suit from his sister’s discarded pink speed-skating suit from the 1988 Winter Olympics. By day he works in the young men’s department at JCPennys. At night, he drinks a half-rack of animal beer and becomes Captain Sassy Pants (hence the S on his outfit). He goes around correcting the grammar of drunken bikers and when they punch him in the face he rocks his head back and forth and says “Oh No You Di’int!”
Then when he gets really drunk he blows the local high school football team and passes out (as shown above).
Name: Class One
Origin/Story: Born into a wealthy family, this super hero learned early on that with great power comes great responsibility. So Class One spends his weekdays beer bonging with his ‘bros’ and is an inactive member of the College Democrats, but yet every time he gets drunk he’s the Glen ‘motherfuckin’ Beck of his Frat Mixer, wooing the women with his massive brain and borderline mental retardation that he swears isn’t a mild case of encephalitis. He’s not much for the gym, but every weekend it’s all High Weights and Low Reps in the bedroom.
Superpowers: SUPER-BROSKI by day Human Female Forklift by night.
Super Pledge
Women, Booze, rape charges, sex offender
Superhero Name: Three-Beer Queer
Origin Story: Strict religious upbringing which backfired
Super power: Becomes super fabulous after consuming three lite beers.
Name: Captain Cameltoe
Story: After a long day of fighting crime and giving out traffic tickets, Capt. Cameltoe went out for drinks with a civilian women he had met earlier. They hit it off pretty well but when things started to get hot and heavy things took a turn for the worse. As soon as Capt. Cameltoe took off his pants, she started laughing hysterically once she saw the mess that she thought made him a man. After being thoroughly embarrassed he went out to the bar, got shitfaced, and ended up where this picture was taken.
Superpowers: Getting drunk off 1 beer and passing out exposing his lack of manliness to the whole world via his pink suit and the lack of bulge within it
best one so far. elaborate!!!
Fuck, I just wrote something similar.
I didn’t bother reading most of the comments, ’cause they were crap. Fuck me.
I’m not a thief. If you want, I’ll take my post down.
Captain Y Chromosome.
Superhero Name: Captain W
Origin: Created in a CIA lab by his father a former director of the CIA.
Super Powers: inventing words, sensing invisible weapons of mass destruction, dodging shoe missiles, groping world leaders, ignoring hurricanes, looking into Putin’s soul, destroying the world economy, not getting fooled again.
Superhero Name: Super Sloshed
Origin: Business man by day, Super Sloshed transform in the night to do his best to help out drunks in need. Seen only in this rare picture, his weakness comes from leaving his shoes on when passed out, which he learned not to do in college, when his white suit was stained pink wwhen a bucket of jungle juice was dropped upon him.
Super Pwoers” Ability to make alcohol appear, evade police, understand drunken babble, produce pizza in the most unlikely situations, and most importantly make women drunk upon his gaze.
Name: Beer-Pussy
Origin: Was enrolled in Harvard law school at the age of 15 where he held high honours. He graduated months later and drank a beer to celebrate. A drunk chick with the face of Kirstie Allie, The body of fat Janet Jackson and the skin tone of Mike “The Situation” Sorentino called him a pussy because he passed out after one beer.
SuperPower: Able to save a lot of money on Alcohol.
SuperHero Name: Peace Crotch Dirty Sock Man
SUPERHERO NAME: The Cockblock
ORIGIN STORY: After learning his highschool date had boned every guy at the prom– from three different schools– The Cockblock trained vigorously to learn the arts of seduction, acoustic guitar, and date rape to ensure that no man can defile a woman unless it was done by The Cockblock himself because fuck it, right? But his biggest weakness… was his own roofie.
SUPER POWER: Popping collars on capes, John Mayer cover songs, and Hey-buddy-The-lady-said-she-wasn’t-interested-ray.
NAME: Super Hermie (as per in Hermaphrodite )
Mundane origin:
Went to a third world Country to change sex, got involved in a scam, and ran out of money before completion, now fights corrupton and lack of ethics at all levels.
Cheers.
Name: The Unholy Tacoist
Origin: Dumb,recent college grad realizes his degree in psychology will net him 20K a year and maybe a sick hooker as his only female companion. Facing these ultimate odds, our intrepid super-zero finds another dumb college kid in a similar situation and the two decide to form a super-group of cubicle warriors and keyboard ninjas, with the website: Holytaco.com as their base of forward operations. Initially, the site was rip-roaring funny and full of original content. Repressed cubicle warriors the world over rejoiced. Keyboard ninjas had a new and vile comment section to threaten and bully original commentators. Humor was had by all and shared equally throughout the business day. But sadly, The Unholy Tacoist, fell victim to his own powers. The drinking began, the jokes dried up, content was ripped from other original sites, the sick hooker died, interns left to find real jobs, partnerships were shattered and, finally, he sold out to a bigger media company. Will the Unholy Tacoist return? Will the humor be found? Will original content re-appear? Stay tuned…
Super-powers: It was comedy…don’t know if he still has it, though. ::sad face::
Captain Camel Toe
from the Nether region
super power of morphing into a homeless person
Super hero name- “THE NUT”
Story-we’ve all heard of famous Lance Armstrong that overcame a bout with testicular cancer and went on to win the tour DE France. Well few have heard of a similar story of ” THE NUT”, a fraternity boy who had a terrible accident while doing a keg stand that sadly was injured in the process and now only has one nut. He roams campus looking for crime and free beer, after the accident he has had the strange ability to chug beer while running full sprint, a feat no one else on the planet has been able to conquer, so suck on that lance.
Name: The Time-Wanderer
Power: Time Travel
Origin Story: Shortly after turning 18 this young man gained an astounding ability. After consuming large amounts of alcohol he was able to travel forward in time! At first it started at friends parties, he would chug booze until his altered state of temporal displacement would occur. He would wake up in a haze often with a pounding headache that he would attribute to his leap into the future. He would often have no recollection of what happened between the time of his departure from the past to the time of his arrival into the future. He discovered there was only one weakness to his power, that being that he could never travel back. Wherever he went to in time he was stuck till his next leap. At one point he woke up in a full-on cape-and-cowl costume! He lost friends and loved-ones over time, clearly something happened between leaps that caused a rift to grow in their relationships with him. If only he knew! His life became one of tragedy, leaping into time over and over again hoping to find a bright spot in his future, only to find his world crumbling. Soon he would find himself drinking just to fall into the dark ambient world that is the state of time travel, as if to forget his sordid state of affairs. Eventually his desire to travel further in time with each leap became his undoing, drinking so much that he was stranded in time travel limbo to perish.
Lol… a book of my life
Superhero Name: The Pink Elephant
Origin Story: Fed up with the lightweights in his fraternity, this masked hero teaches all who are willing the fine art of drinking. Along with his sidekick, and fraternal brother, Roofie (who specializes in date-rape), they take on any and every party, shaming any so-called “partier”, “heavyweight”, or “Mick”.
Won the 2006 Underground Drinking Contest in Ireland while Roofie set a new world record for most STD’s contracted in a single day.
Super power: Can do a 20 minute long keg stand
Superhero name: Captain Rimjob
Origins: Late one night at a insignificant reststop, the hero in question stopped to relieve himself. After spying a “glory-hole” and being both lonely and curious, proceeded to use said “Glory-hole”. Unawares to him a radioactive spider fueled by years of misuse and poor home location skills bit said hero.The rest is how you say history…
Superpowers: The ability to milk a prostate with one finger, give multiple orgasms within thirty seconds, and always with a hundred percent accuracy, guess who with be voted off of dancing with the stars.
Name: Super Brew
Back Story: Fed up with the shitty light beers of the world, Super Brew has set out on an adventure of a lifetime to drink every last piss beer in the world. With his faithful sidekick, Steve, Super Brew fights against the evil Anheiser “trim that” Busch by consuming every last drop of his bubbly water and not paying for it. Along his way he fucks hot chicks, fat chicks and your mom, but doesn’t ever remember.
Super Powers:
White hot piss power
Time Travel/Blackouts
The consistent beer pong swish
Beer goggles
The ability to pee in your closet, but tell you, “it’s cool.”
Superhero Name: The Situation
Origin Story: After gaining pseudo-fame on Jersey Shore, the douche bag already known as The Situation wanted to help the world; too give back for being on an awful show and disgracing his guido heritage.
Super power: Sun Absorption – Anti Grenade Skin – Instantly Gelled Hair
Note: Picture taken after successful nights work of hooking up with ugly chicks and fighting back stage 5 clingers.
This one.
holy shit i almost peed… This is amazing!
Name: Post-surgery girl/boy
Origin/superpower: Post-surgery girl/boy was a confused child, born as a boy with the mind of a girl he/she tried to drink into a state of hallucination to ease the pain of sexual confusion. During one particularly lengthy bender he/she realized that the only thing standing between him/her and greatness was what appeared to be a small, shrivelled vestigial tail between his/her legs. Off to the surgeon he/she went, after it was all over the surgeon had removed the tail and in its place resided a bountiful camel toe. Feeling a new sense of being, our hero/heroine dressed up in his best set of pink tights and hit the town to celebrate. On the way downtown he/she saw a old lady being mugged, immediately he/she jumped in between the thugs who screamed and immediately fled as they didn’t want to touch such an unusual transgender superhero. The power of confusion turned out to be the greatest weapon of all, the sideburns and drinking problems of a man, mixed with the camel toe and sense of fashion of a woman have our hero able to deter criminals with ease, all the while hoping no one discovers his/her “kryponite”, tickets to Elton John. Post-surgery boy/girl is currently saving for a set of breast implants as well to further increase his/her power
Bad ass. I was thinking of something like Super Moose Knuckle but your name is more original. I laughed through the whole thing.
Superhero Name: Flux-Capacitor
Origin Story: After his 3rd time flunking college biology Danny Dockendorf turned his efforts towards reckless partying with his frat boys. One night a couple of bartenders from Reno had come by to introduce the fraternity to a mixture of drinks the likes of which had never been seen. That night Danny out drank every man at that party and puked on every women he saw. His friends started calling him the Flux-Capacitor because like the 1980′s Back to the Future Delorean he too could apparently take anything in.
But after a while the results of his Reno tripped evening were beginning to show side affects. He began to have psychotic episodes of his mother’s “loose” days and the image of those bright pink satin sheets wouldn’t leave his mind. He later dedicated himself to the only grand cause he knew of: Partying, drinking himself into mindless stupors, sleeping with half conscious women, and pranking his college professors.
Super Power:
The ability to make college chicks clothes fall off by wearing 80s clothing.
Amazing free-style rapping skills.
He can wear 10 popped-collar polos at one time.
Paintball Sharp Shooting Skills.
One night he downed to many female fruiting drinks and was later able to change the appearance of his groin into a camel toe.
Name: Justin
Origin/Cause of birth: I made delicate love to his mother
Backstory: Passes out on lawn after leaving the basement. Mom takes pic. Justin uploads to holytaco and is too lazy to come up with a caption and instead tells the readers to do it for him for a chance at a comic book
Name: Woah
Origin Story: After searching the world for the ultamite party, Woah (as a pimple faced collage freshman) found it. And then made the ill fated discussion of doing the keg stand. The combination of the excess beer and the upside down crouch he was in unleashed a thirst no brew can satisfy. No villain can get in his way in his neverending quest to find that ultamite drink.
Super Powers: He can bronze his skin so much it blinds non guidos all over the world. Can seduce any lifeform with his hip dance moves. Able to withhold tedious amounts of punishment ( such as but not limited to sleeping with the fatty, drinking crap for a buck, experimenting with the kinky chick, and punching his fist through a wall in a fit of Roid Rage)
Name: The Mighty Panty Shield
Origin: Left unsupervised by a delinquent babysitter, young Minge Taylor got into his older sisters trash bin of used maxi-pads. Having been overexposed to her vaginal discharge waste products, and living in a community built under high-tension power lines in a polluted suburb in NJ…The Mighty Panty Shield was born!
Superpowers…he’s extra absorbent and sensitive to a woman’s needs…he also can easily locate the clitoris.
Superhero Name: The Kappa Phi Kid
Origin Story: Popped collar aficionado Chad Stevenson fatefully accepted the Around the World in 80 Beers challenge from brother “Moose” McDonnell. Coming dangerously close to completing the challenge, Moose spiked the final beer with a cocktail of Draino and Roofies. Chad recovered 3 days later, finding his entire body covered in Sharpie and a raging desire to party hard. That night, he donned his pink and yellow suit and hit every party in town, becoming an instant legend. However, he must always remember to remove his shoes before passing out, lest his arch-nemesis, Dr. Ignatius Indelible, draw penises on his face.
Super power: Can transform any party from a sausage fest to a taco fest.
Superhero Name: The Fabulous Pink Cameltoe!
BG: Born in a town filled to the rim of strip clubs, a young man named, Heywood Jablowmeh struggles to find his sexuality. When one night, while masturbating in the middle of an abandoned cornfield, Heywood gets abducted by a UFO. Inside were 4 tall slimy and bicurious aliens. After what seemed to be 10 hours of Alien Orgy, The Aliens decided to take Heywoods penis and take it back to their home planet. Heywood fought to defend himself and realized that the gay alien sex he had has given him Super Queer Powers. He becomes a master of Tai Queer Dong and subdues the 4 Aliens. Before he could escape using the tractor beam, which kinda looks like a ribbed condom that you can find in every gas station, a fifth alien ran past him and snatched off his weiner leaving behind the impression of a girl’s funzone. Heywood fell thru the teleporter pad and fell back to the cornfield as the UFO flew off with his junk. Swearing vengeance against the aliens and all anti-homosexual criminals Heywood dawns the name The Fabulous Pink Cameltoe and runs into the night for peace, justice and all good joojoo.
Superpowers:
Hypersonic Voice – aptly named The WhOOOOOO! TFPC can scream gay catchphrases at a decibel that can stop a tank charging at full speed.
Mastery of Tai Queer Dong – A deadly Martial Art combining Karate, Muay Thai and Ballet! Signature Move: The De-Cockinator!
Super Fabulous Fashion Sense – The ability to sense the lack of fashion sense.
Drunken Fury – When intoxicated with alcohol TFPC gains amazing fighting abilty making him disturbingly flexible. This state only lasts 5 minutes after which he loses consciousness and wakes up with a headache, amnesia and this weird feeling he may have ended up in a ten-way orgy last night.
Name: Captain Single
Origin: Landed on Earth from Planet Single in order to end all relationships in the universe.
Superpower: The ability to cockblock everyone in the universe
Name : Seargent Sphincter
origin : a long night of boozin’ and sharding.
Power : can crap and make it teleport to your tighty whities
Super Hero Name: The Salmonator
Origin Story: Throughout his entire childhood it was young Pube Erty’s dream to one day become a member of the Super Best Friends. Following the advice of his lifelong mentor L. R. Hubbard, he at a very young age crafted his own religion, scientawesomelogy, hoping that when he came of age the members of the Super Best Friends would permit him to join their ranks. But when this day did come and Pube Erty approached the members, his entrance to the group was denied because according to the bylaws of the group, they could not number any more than they currently did. Fully aware of what he must do the hell-bent Erty went to the nearest government lab and drank whatever chemicals he could find. There was no going back now, if he were to ever gain entrance to the Super Best Friends then the weakest member of the group would have to be taken out: Sea Man was his target. And on that dark and blurry night in the confines of the laboratory, the Salmonator was born.
Super Power: Impeccable fashion sense and the ability to make the cleanliest of women’s downstairs smell like a tuna factory that’s been without power to its refrigeration facilities for days
Name: Transvesto-Man
Origin-After witnessing how sexist crime fighting can be with only attractive female superheroes, Transvesto-Man decided to take action. He fights in hopes that one day, look will not segregate the crime-fighting industry.
Superpower: Transvesto-Man has the ability to manipulate his as well as others genders at will.
Name-Manel Toe aka Male Camel Toe Man
Outrageous Powers- Tucking his penis and then drinking large quantities of alcohol before passing out in a public place. This is how he lure his pray in…A random and probably intoxicated young man will see what his eyes believe to be some totally rockin chick wearing those new leggings the ladies always have on. Interested, he approaches. Upon seeing the slight indentation of camel toe in those panties the young drunk will lose all control. His life now has one goal, and that is to act as Moses and part her vaginal sea to lead his people to salvation. Of course the poor soul soon realizes his mistake, but not before The Manel Toe has the hidden cameras he set up capture his private spot getting prodded by a stranger. The possible reasons he does this and what use he could have with this footage, remain unkown.
Beginnings-The darkness and depravity that could lead to the birth of such a monster are better left unexplored.
SUPERHERO NAME: The Heavy Sleeper
SUPER POWER: if he ever gets woken up he dies.
Superhero Name: the Virgin Assassin
Origin Story: After many many many years as a virgin himself, our soon-to-be hero (a.k.a James Vanderbeek) spins into depression and drinks for the first time to numb the pain of never making love to a woman. In this stooper he begins to question his existence and his purpose in life. And when he thinks he has hit rock bottom, a higher being speaks to our hero and reveals to him that he is now the Virgin Assassin, sworn to protect college girls from douchebag frat boys.
Super Powers: Mystic Friend Zone Projection Skills. Superior Listening skills. Emotionally acute with the Ability to cry as one of the girls.
Name: Barney Frankman
Origin Story: He voted for Adolf Obama and now gets sexually excited by reading Karl Marx.
Power: Destroying the greatest country in the world, just like every other Democrat and Sodomy, just like every other Democrat.
Superhero Name: Symantec
Orgin: Symantec came out of the dark shadows to protect the weak from an unknown world. But due to shitty backup and the quick death of his sidekick Norton 360 he has slipped into a life of binge drinking and gay sex.
Super Power: Not anything extraordinary mostly screams and shouts and hopes the situation is defused. Claimed one time in college that he flew.