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National Punctuation Day!: Holy Taco’s Guide To Punctuation

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Did you know that it’s National Punctuation Day? Well, it is! Today is the day we celebrate (or completely ignore) the art of punctuation. To celebrate, we at Holy Taco have put together a nifty little guide to help you better understand the most common forms of punctuation.

And as you read this, be on the lookout for some of the punctuation errors we’ve scattered throughout this article to see if you’ve learned anything and are able to identify these common errors. Also because we didn’t proof read any of this.

 

Apostrophe – Used when you’re too lazy to pronounce a whole two words in rapid succession; or when too lazy to pronounce a letter that’s smack in the middle of a word; or to pluralize an abbreviation, making it look like less of a word and more like a confusing clusterf*ck of symbols.

Brackets – Used to explain something in a quote in which the speaker has done a poor job of explaining something, so the editor has to swoop in and save the speakers ass; or to add a parenthetical within a parenthetical. The second usage is also known as “the Inception of punctuation.”

Colon – Marks a major division in a sentence. Although, 1964’s Punctuation Mark Act ensured that all sentences would be allowed to be mashed together and make (Grammar) Nazis mad. Also, where poop comes from.

Comma – Allows you to write a list in paragraph form. (NOTE: no website on the internet takes advantage of this because we’re all jonesing for pages hits, man).

Dash – Hey, there’s one just to the left of this sentence! A dash is like an ellipsis, just less spooky. (NOTE: to find out more about the Ellipsis, read the entry on Ellipsis).

(NOTE: …and here’s the entry on ellipsis…)

Ellipsis – Like a dash, just less douchey; like a parenthetical that’s had its ends straightened; or to indicate when some words get cut off in mid-sen…

Exclamation Point – The punctuation mark that doesn’t get enough attention at home, so it acts like a loud, obnoxious asshole in public; or used to make shallow and pedantic Facebook status updates seem like a grand achievement.

Hyphen – Connects two parts of a compound word; has inferiority complex caused by its big brother, Dash.

Parenthesis – The stuff in a sentence that the writer really wants you to know, but is in no way necessary. (I have an engorged anus.) The realization that half a parenthetical could create a smiley face forever changed the way we soften the blow when we breakup with each other via text message.

Period — Used to end a sentence. Replaced by “’nuff said” when the speaker is super-cool.

Question Mark – The most deep and ponderous of all punctuation marks. It has patches on the elbows of its tweed jacket.

Quotation Mark – “one of a pair of punctuation marks “ ” or ‘ ’ used chiefly to indicate the beginning and the end of a quotation in which the exact phraseology of another or of a text is directly cited.” – www.merriam-webster.com, entry on “Quotation Mark.

Semicolon – It’s like it’s winking at you! ;-P

4 Responses to "National Punctuation Day!: Holy Taco’s Guide To Punctuation"

  1. QueenOfTheDucks says:

    lol colon.
    i knew a kid in elementary school once whos name was collen… and for the longest time i just kept calling him colon wondering why his parents would name him that… then his older sister yelled at me.

  2. DonkeyXote says:

    Oh noes… and then what did you do?

  3. DonkeyXote says:

    You know… you guys are coming up with REALLY good articles or maybe I’m just getting used to your quirky humour, either way I like it!!!

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