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Necklace of a “Pearl Necklace

Pearl Necklace
Do you find yourself thinking back wistfully on all of those great moments in your life when your male sexual partner splattered his seed on your neck, thus creating the glistening neck accessory called a pearl necklace? Do you wish you could carry this penile discharge on your neck at all times to commemorate that time in your life when the man you were banging romantically whispered in to your ear “turn over so I can shoot it all over your throat area”? Well, be wistful no more, as Leah Piepgras, an artist that creates works that have some kind of practical use, has designed a product with no practical use: a necklace of a pearl necklace (the pee-pee kind).

“Pearl Necklace is a seemingly amorphous cast silver shape on a chain that is actually an accurate representation of semen. It is a visual marker of chaos turned perfection through an act of beauty and lust. Pearl Necklace is a physical reminder of a fleeting moment of pleasure.”

One thing the product description doesn’t seem to mention is the fact that there’s a reason women immediately wipe off the load a man rudely blasts her with, and I’m pretty sure you don’t need to be a woman to work out that reason because men experience it multiple times on a daily basis: jizz is a yucky thing that people generally don’t want to keep around for much longer than it takes for it to fire out, unless, of course, someone out there works as a P.A. at a porn company that produces nothing but bukkake videos. In that case, yeah, keeping splooge around – possibly in large, sticky paint cans in the refrigerator – is something you have to do unless you want to get fired for being unprofessional. That is probably the only difference between working on bukkake videos and, say, working for a Fortune 500 company – you can’t keep absurd amounts of the semen from many different men/wildlife in the break room fridge.

For those of you out there that want to own your own jizz necklace but worry about someone showing up to a fancy party sporting the exact same necklace, thus rendering your life worthless, don’t worry, for the Pearl Necklace necklace comes in two different styles, each of which representing a similar yet unique shot of spunk that has its own personality, for example:

Spunk Shot # 1
Pearl Necklace
Spunk Shot # 1 shows that you’re the type of person that’s both playful and unafraid to openly declare to the world “Yes, my husband/boyfriend/dude I met at Red Lobster prefers to jizz on me while standing at my side, and spraying in a right-to-left configuration!”
Spunk Shot #2
Spunk Shot #2

Spunk Shot #2 says every wonderful thing you can say about your sperm shooter without having to actually say it, namely, “my lover cums seahorses with hunchbacks.”

So if you’re the type of lady (or fella, to be fair to all sexual orientations) that likes to memorialize a substance that can be found by the bucketful at crime scenes across the world, then all you have to do is toss $420 in to Leah Piepgras’ PayPal account.

Or you can just get a dude to jizz on you before you leave home for a night on the town. That’s probably free, and you could probably get enough of it from enough willing donors to keep the supply chain up all year ‘round. And just to test if you were paying attention earlier, where would you store such quantities of semen?

Answer: In paint cans in your fridge.

Holy Taco is both hysterical and educational.

2 Responses to "Necklace of a “Pearl Necklace"

  1. PooDiddy says:


  2. DonkeyXote says:

    THAT WAS FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!