There have been a lot of weird news stories popping up over the past week, so we decided to cover all of them in the best way possible: by making a fake Weekly World News-style magazine cover to emphasize how ridiculous these stories seem, and then providing you with a link to the source article below to prove that they are, in fact, real news stories. Oh, Friday, you really bring out the best in all of us, don’t you?
India’s Space Agency has discovered that there’s a ton of water on the moon, mixed in with the dirt on the lunar surface. More shocking than that though: India has a space agency!
A Missouri man named James Looney (not kidding) was demonstrating gun safety to his girlfriend by pointing guns at his head and pulling the trigger, and he accidentally shot himself in the head. On the same day in Missouri, a woman suddenly realized that her boyfriend was a complete dumbf*ck.
A bunch of baristas at a bikini coffee shop in Washington have been charged with prostitution following claims by undercover detectives that the women would flash their tits and vaginas at customers in exchange for money. In a related story, people now hate Washington cops more than ever before.
A dwarf community in China has gone Disney on everyone. They’ve started living in mushroom huts, dressing in fairy tale costumes, and charging admission for people to walk through their neighborhood. Because nothing makes your kids feel more at home than a bearded person their size dressed in a stupid costume and casually eating the weird parts of a chicken after getting home from a 17-hour day at the Miniature Nike Factory.
The government of Bangladesh rewarded a farmer who killed 83k rats over the last nine months with a color television set. The happy prize winner is quoted saying, "This is an exciting moment. I will continue to kill them. I only have to kill 60K more to get the VCR, and then I can finally watch the VHS copy of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off that I’ve had since 1993."
15,000 women were polled online and asked to rate their sex partners based on their nationality. The poll found that German men were rated the worst because they’re "too smelly", English men tend to be lazy in bed, and Swedes finish too early. The study also found that European women need to get off their high-horses and stop being so overly critical, because maybe they weren’t all that great either. Did they ever think about that? No, they probably didn’t, because it’s always about what they want, isn’t it? That is so typical.