Chances are, you're a lonely loser who spends his evenings alone and sad watching crappy Charles In Charge reruns with a cat and a bottle of Jim Beam. But luckily for you, someone gave a nine-year-old a book deal to help teach you how to talk to women. According to the NYPost:
He's only 9, but this pint-sized pickup artist already knows plenty about pleasing the ladies.
So much, in fact, that Alec Greven's dating primer, "How to Talk to Girls" - which began as a handwritten, $3 pamphlet sold at his school book fair - hit the shelves nationwide last week.
"It is easy to spot pretty girls because they have big earrings, fancy dresses and all the jewelry," he writes in Chapter Three.
"Pretty girls are like cars that need a lot of oil."
He advises, "The best choice for most boys is a regular girl. Remember, some pretty girls are coldhearted when it comes to boys. Don't let them get to you."
But with classic plain-spoken advice - like "comb your hair and don't wear sweats" - it's no surprise his 46-page book was a hit with boys and girls of all ages.
He believes the best way to approach a girl is to keep it to a simple "hi."
"If I say hi and you say hi back, we're probably off to a good start," he said.
When little Alec grows up, and shows every girlfriend this "cute" little book he wrote when he was nine and incessantly hears, "Oh, so I'm not a 'pretty girl'? Is that why you're dating me?" That's when Alec writes his next book, titled "Never Tell Women Anything...Or...Why I Turned Gay."
Here's some more shitty advice from a child, in case you're interested.
To be honest, a lot of guys could benefit from his advice. Most dudes think that acting like a complete tool and treating girls like shit will make them like you.
That couldn't be farther from... oh wait, that IS how it works. Oh well, back to the drawing board Mr. Greven.
"Remember, pull out when you start to feel your nuts tingle and then have a ready made excuse about how you are late for gym class. But not until after she finishes your homework...if you catch my drift..."
I'm sure the biggest thing this kid's book has going is that it's sweet. It's about how you're supposed to treat women, not an instruction manual on how to get into their pants. Grow some class, would you? And if you're going to insult a little kid, at least don't misspell it.
I don't see how this boy has any idea on how to communicate with wome, but sadly none of the people who have posted through now seem to know what they're talking about either! . . . Sad!
Here's a tip to the kid: Grow up, learn lots, then people will actually care about your book(s)
Here's a tip to the comments: Grow up. Get out of your mother's basement, and stop being an idiot. THAT should help you! ;-) (should being the key word there in case you missed it!)
Am I the only one who suspects Mom or Dad had a huge (complete, to be more precise) role in writing this book? I mean, at nine, aren't most boys still relatively uninterested in girls? And if the kid DID write the book, isn't he putting an almost unnatural emphasis on what girls are like, how to get them, and so forth at age nine? Maybe this Little Casanova should forget about girls for awhile, and try being a normal nine year old. This whole thing is actually kinda creepy.
Mom and dad wrote the book. Anyone who believes a 9 year old is even interested in girls, is a fool. Anyone who buys this book is a fool.
But I suspect a lot of people bought it, and a lot of people believe it (considering it got published.. somehow). Therefore, a lot of people are fools.
(21 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
December 3rd, 2008 at 09:37 am
To be honest, a lot of guys could benefit from his advice. Most dudes think that acting like a complete tool and treating girls like shit will make them like you.
That couldn't be farther from... oh wait, that IS how it works. Oh well, back to the drawing board Mr. Greven.
December 3rd, 2008 at 10:23 am
I see a future hairdesigner!!!
December 3rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
"Remember, pull out when you start to feel your nuts tingle and then have a ready made excuse about how you are late for gym class. But not until after she finishes your homework...if you catch my drift..."
December 4th, 2008 at 05:00 am
You sir are a hamster
December 3rd, 2008 at 04:39 pm
heh, you ought to write your own book. Your suggestion seems much more practical then this little shits.
What does this little turd know about pretty girls? It hasn't even been a decade since he's stopped sucking his momma's teet.
December 6th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
I'm sure the biggest thing this kid's book has going is that it's sweet. It's about how you're supposed to treat women, not an instruction manual on how to get into their pants. Grow some class, would you? And if you're going to insult a little kid, at least don't misspell it.
December 3rd, 2008 at 04:55 pm
i've never had such a strong urge to kick someone's face.
December 3rd, 2008 at 07:07 pm
Hah. Funny.
December 3rd, 2008 at 07:26 pm
I wish I could go back in time to when I was 16 years old so I could kick this kid's ass.
You heard me.
December 5th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
I don't see how this boy has any idea on how to communicate with wome, but sadly none of the people who have posted through now seem to know what they're talking about either! . . . Sad!
Here's a tip to the kid: Grow up, learn lots, then people will actually care about your book(s)
Here's a tip to the comments: Grow up. Get out of your mother's basement, and stop being an idiot. THAT should help you! ;-) (should being the key word there in case you missed it!)
December 7th, 2008 at 01:11 pm
Am I the only one who suspects Mom or Dad had a huge (complete, to be more precise) role in writing this book? I mean, at nine, aren't most boys still relatively uninterested in girls? And if the kid DID write the book, isn't he putting an almost unnatural emphasis on what girls are like, how to get them, and so forth at age nine? Maybe this Little Casanova should forget about girls for awhile, and try being a normal nine year old. This whole thing is actually kinda creepy.
January 16th, 2009 at 05:45 am
I hate this kid.
January 30th, 2009 at 02:13 pm
Any idiot who treats a girl like shit and actually get her is as worthless as the bitch he got!
June 5th, 2009 at 06:42 pm
do you know you douchebags are insulting a 9-year old? congratulations your real tough, macho boy
June 6th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
why are u so upset about this...
try to read it maybe u guys can get laid hahaha...
jealous on a 9 year old lol...
June 7th, 2009 at 07:40 pm
I hate this site.
June 8th, 2009 at 03:45 am
the kid is on to something here..we need to get back to the basics...
June 11th, 2009 at 02:15 pm
seriously. i mean, don't wear sweats, say 'hi'. this is all brilliant stuff.
June 8th, 2009 at 05:36 am
Mom and dad wrote the book. Anyone who believes a 9 year old is even interested in girls, is a fool. Anyone who buys this book is a fool.
But I suspect a lot of people bought it, and a lot of people believe it (considering it got published.. somehow). Therefore, a lot of people are fools.
June 19th, 2009 at 01:01 pm
its bc of this guy (9yr old, of course) that i just scored with a hooker last night! thank you, kid! :D
June 19th, 2009 at 01:02 pm
I love life.
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