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(Not for the) Family Feud

If you’re employed or festooned with things like pride and friends, you may not watch as much Family Feud as you could. And you may also be unaware of the following facts;

• Family Feud predates TV. It was originally a radio show and before that a hit on the telegraph. Prior to that, it was just two families fighting, usually with more melee weapons than survey questions.
• Family Feud has had 17 different hosts. 6 have never been heard from since.
• If you watch Family Feud at midnight under a full moon, you become Richard Dawson and will sexually harass any female over the age of 18 (or 16 if she can pass for 18)

Yes, the Feud is a part of Americana but another thing you may not know is that the “family” part of the name is mostly ceremonial and meaningless. The Family Feud is raunch central. If you doubt just how far this seemingly wholesome show has fallen, check out these clips. Totally obscene, yo.

Nekkid Grandma

Too Lazy to Watch? This clip features newest host Steve Harvey asking what a burglar wouldn’t like to see when he busts into your house and the enthusiastically shouted answer is “nekkid grandma.” No hesitation, no stopping to think, just nekkid grandma. Like he had been hoping on the drive to the studio that this was the one question that he was going to get, the question that let him drop the nekkid grandma bomb on the viewing audience. So yeah, that’s insane.

Breasts

Too Lazy to Watch? You really should watch this one, it’s short. It features American Gladiators and it demonstrates how cold the studio is. Ray Comb asks a loaded question and the answer is boobs and that’s what he gets. Then the Gladiatrix across the table shakes them a bit and we all feel a little better about life. Fun fact: A woman hasn’t been in the Holy Taco offices since June.

Don’t Swallow


Too Lazy to Watch? This clip demonstrates the way in which the show sets up filth. It’s not innocent contestants stumbling haphazardly into poor answer choices, it’s filthy interns writing loaded questions that you know are going to lead to “sperm” as an answer.

Dawson’s Grope

Too Lazy to Watch? Richard Dawson, original host of the show, was pimp. Totally pimp. If you brought a female relative onto the show, Richard Dawson was probably going to taste her tongue before taping finished, and worse, you were going to watch and probably applaud. Is it your mom, your daughter, your wife? He didn’t give a shit. Case in point, he literally just gropes a woman in this clip. Watch those hands, it’s all ass.

Pay for Sex

Too Lazy to Watch? Steve Harvey got his job because he’s awesome at faking shock. For real, it’s actually entertaining to watch him pretend to be surprised. Anyway, this clip is about a dude tacitly admitting to whoring.

Play with Yourself

Too Lazy to Watch? Another Steve Harvey shocker (so to speak) this one features a nerd-girl Sunday school teacher who just busts out “playing with yourself” as an answer to a question. It’s almost too perfect.

The Big One

Too Lazy to Watch? What do most people mean when they say “the big one?” If you guessed man-meat, then you and the lady in this clip are on the same page, because she goes right to the weiner. Atta girl.

401 K Jelly

Too Lazy to Watch? Remember J. Peterman from Seinfeld? That dude hosted the Feud! And in this clip, when asking a pretend dirty question about what makes bathtime sexier, he gets the most ridiculous dirty answer of all time – 401k Jelly. Not only does he get the name wrong and somehow invoke retirement planning, but who’s using KY Jelly in the bath? Don’t lube your holes in the tub. Don’t. No.

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