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Notes From The Pitch Meeting For Justin Bieber’s New Perfume Commercial

What follows is an email from a member of Justin Bieber’s management team to the company producing the commercial for his new designer fragrance. They were the notes that resulted in the epically awkward masterpiece of an ad that was Bieber’s newest spot.

Hey Y’all,

Just wanted to give you a big “thanks” for meeting with Team Bieber. We’re incredibly excited about making this commercial and getting Justin’s signature fragrance out to his fans! We’ve just been sitting around, going over the script, audio choices, and the storyboards and we’ve got a few notes. We have to make sure we maintain the proper image for our client and there were a few points in the pitch that didn’t really jive with the incredible empire we’ve so carefully crafted here at Team Bieber. If you just hear us out, we think you’ll more than agree.

Nix the Justin on Justin theme, make one of them an attractive girl…

So the mockup we just reviewed depicted Justin appearing in a dream that Justin had, Justin spraying the fragrance on Justin, and then Justin gently kissing Justin’s neck, but we feel like it may be a bit much. And yes, we know this was initially OUR idea, but once we saw it in action we felt differently. So let’s go ahead and depict a young, attractive girl fantasizing about Justin after spraying the fragrance.

Instead of depicting Justin and the girl on the beach, make them ascend into a golden-clouded metaphorical heaven…

We liked your depiction of the beach scene. It makes for a great sequence, but we’ve decided to go with something a little more heavenly. Or just a depiction of heaven. That’ll work just as well. We’re really trying to reinforce Justin’s Christian image and we don’t want him landing on a beach with an attractive girl because as we all know, once you’re on a beach, you’re only one step away from having sex. Justin is not sexually active and we like to make sure the public is completely aware of that.

No backup dancers…

We know this was another idea that was initially ours, but let’s go ahead and scratch it. Upon further review, we felt that the presence of backup dancers in the bedroom scene may give some an indication that Justin endorses group sex, which is not true.

We MUST depict Justin in a less dominant manner…

Your initial depiction of Justin’s relationship with the girl is very one sided. You have him standing tall above the young woman, looking confident and comfortable. Please change that. If you could make Justin look a little more like a naive teenager, and have the woman hold his head close to her bosom in a shot or two. This way, everyone is 100% sure that Justin is not going to do anything inappropriate in the young girl’s dream.

And please, let’s make sure that Justin is wearing as much clothing as possible. Hands and face. Those are the only areas that Justin is allowed to expose. But the girl can be half naked. That’s fine.

Thank you so much for your time, and we really look forward to the next few steps of the production process. We belieb in you!

(name withheld)

Justin Bieber’s Management Team

4 Responses to "Notes From The Pitch Meeting For Justin Bieber’s New Perfume Commercial"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    Pfft! Like you’d wanna smell like gummy bears and cough syrup.