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On The Subjects Of Porn, Male Sexual Urges, and Relationships

Porn is not a big deal for guys. It’s ordinary. It’s just another thing. It’s like the random shit you pull out of your pockets after a long day out doing chores and toss on to your dresser, like “I don’t want to sort through this shit, so, here, you hold it, dresser.” Just Burger King receipts, loose change, and melty, lint-coated gum. Porn is as ordinary for men as melty, lint-coated pocket gum is for everyone. And also because they’re both dirty and gooey.

Porn is just there, men always know it’s there, and men recognize that it’s there, and then one day a guy will actually acknowledge that it’s there and will remember to use it. About 2 minutes after we start using it, we’re done with it and it gets tossed back on to the dresser, at which point we will forget it’s there — again. Porn only exists in my mind for the few minuets that I’m using it. When it’s not in front of me and I hear about porn in conversation, I’m like someone hearing a secret for the first time: “Oh, my god! There are videos of people…having sex?” But then once I have it in front of me I’m all “Heeey, porn! Old buddy!”

man-watching-porn

Men use porn as a security blanket, like the way a little kid uses their blanky. When we’re little boys and we hit puberty, we get this sudden, primal, almost violent urge to have an orgasm. We just need to cum. But we’re cursed because this urge first strikes when we’re around 11, 12, or 13. Women reading this, look at a picture of your boyfriend or husband when he was 11, 12, or 13 and ask yourself, would 12-year old you have sex with 12-year old him? The version of him that’s all gangly and awkward and pimple-faced and isn’t yet 100% sure what a vagina looks like? Would you have sex with that strange ball of social anxiety and wispy pubes? No, you wouldn’t. And if you said yes you’re just trying to convince yourself that you don’t and have never had standards, which you do and always have, even if they’ve changed over the years.

At 12 or 13, when we get that urge to cum everywhere, porn is our only outlet. It’s our safe place. It’s the treehouse we retreat to when we realize that we have no idea how to convince someone else to give us an orgasm. From then on, porn continues to be what we retreat to whenever getting someone else to make us cum is out no longer an option. We can be in the greatest, most trusting, and most sex-filled relationship the world has ever seen – but there will be a day or two that we don’t see you, maybe you’re out of town or something like that, and our urge to cum isn’t going to wait. We can’t think straight when the urge strikes, so we turn to the security blanket that we forget we had until the person that has replaced it (you, the girlfriend or wife) returns to us. Masturbation is to sex as The Patch is to smoking – it’s a non-perfect replacement that we need to keep us from losing our minds.

free-nicotine-replacement

Weak men aren’t satisfied with just porn, so they cheat to get rid of the urge. Strong-willed men understand that porn is utilitarian; it’s something that gets the job done and causes no harm. In our heads, porn is exactly like the lube we use when we masturbate, or even the hand we use to masturbate – it’s just a thing that helps get the job done because if we could will the orgasm out of us with the sheer force of our brains, we would, but we can’t. Hands, lube, and porn are the cessation tools we use.

So far in my life I’ve been strong-willed because I have never once cheated on any of my girlfriends. When the urge strikes I’m perfectly alright with turning to my porn security blanket. But some guys are assholes and they will cheat on you when you’re not around because they don’t know how to deal with their urge.

The point I’m trying to make here is, when you’re out there in the world looking for a guy be sure to find out how the guy you’re dating handles his urges. Find out what his security blanket is. Is it porn, or is it cheating? Asking yourself that question and trying to figure out the answer can potentially save you from a lot of heartbreak.

Not every guy watches porn, but you can’t expect all of us to be one of those guys. If you’re the type of girl that takes offense to the idea of your guy watching porn, look at the bright side: you found someone that knows how to control themselves.

Unless he’s addicted to porn. If that’s the case, runaway.

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