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One Direction: A Video Breakdown

One Direction are a British band that were forged in the fires of Simon Cowell’s supple man bosom. They’ve been around for a while but are blowing up in America now and were just recently on SNL. To celebrate that, I forced myself to watch their video and break it down for you here.

0:02 – The beach. Sunset. Abandoned wasteland. Is that the statue of Liberty looming in the distance? Was this Earth all along?
0:04 – Maybe John Urbano knows.
0:06 – Shee-it
0:07 – Hey guys, let’s get in the VW bus and skip rocks! It’s not gay! We’re gonna sing about a girl after!
0:11 – Unfrozen Caveman Boy Band Member
0:27 – John Urbano, film on a set next time, look what the wind did to that kid’s hair.
0:32 – Leave the body where it is, run! RUN!
0:45 – John Urbano has a boner for Volkswagon
0:47 – Dude, you don’t wear a hat in a convertible
1:10 – Is it just me or is the kid in the red pants wearing a diaper under there? What’s al that bulgey shit?
1:14 – Smile, you’re English!
1:32 – 5 guys, 3 girls and an abandoned beach? Is that the recipe for a sex crime or hairy palms?
1:35 – I can’t wait for the chorus so we can bounce again!
1:56 – Literally no idea what happened, my eyes started to cross and I zoned out for like 13 seconds here
2:11 – Oh shit son, it’s time for clappin’. Bitches love clappin’.
2:27 – Personal space, brother. Don’t come at her like a rapist, you’re on camera for God’s sake.
2:34 – Was that a headbutt? Did Chris Brown mentor you?
2:45 – Call the fire brigade! The children have flammable materials!
2:50 – Clap+jab combo from the blonde kid. He’s loving the beach!
3:20 – Are you in pain? Here’s a screencap, kids, you decide.


3:23 – Back to our undersea lair, guys. We shall feed on three more girls tomorrow.

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