Osama Bin Laden Wanted To Rebrand Al-Qaeda

Al-Qaeda was a PR disaster. Al-Qaeda kept getting arrested for drug possession. Al-Qaeda kept flashing its vagina to paparazzi. Al-Qaeda punched a bellhop at the Chateau Marmot.

Al-Qaeda’s stock was plummeting in the eyes of the global population and Osama Bin Laden knew it. He had to do something to save the organization he made famous, so, before he had a hole blown clean through his skull, Osama wanted to rebrand Al-Qaeda to change people’s perception of the group.

We at Holy Taco have many sources planted in nearly every news agency and government organization in American and across the world. We asked our mole in the Pentagon to cough up Osama’s proposed names for Al-Qaeda 2.0.

M.I.B. – Men In Beards

The Falafel Contingent

Crystal Al-Qaeda

Diet Al-Qaeda

Explosive Global Initiatives, LLC

The Foot Clan

New Al-Qaeda: Less Talk, More Rock

Shit Pisser (Bin Laden was listening to a lot of underground punk at the time)

Death-To-America-n-Things

Jihad Business Solutions

The Order of Deplorable Schemes

Osama’s Club House – No Girls Allowed! (No, seriously. They’ll be stoned to death)

MyQaeda