Al-Qaeda was a PR disaster. Al-Qaeda kept getting arrested for drug possession. Al-Qaeda kept flashing its vagina to paparazzi. Al-Qaeda punched a bellhop at the Chateau Marmot.
Al-Qaeda’s stock was plummeting in the eyes of the global population and Osama Bin Laden knew it. He had to do something to save the organization he made famous, so, before he had a hole blown clean through his skull, Osama wanted to rebrand Al-Qaeda to change people’s perception of the group.
We at Holy Taco have many sources planted in nearly every news agency and government organization in American and across the world. We asked our mole in the Pentagon to cough up Osama’s proposed names for Al-Qaeda 2.0.
M.I.B. – Men In Beards
The Falafel Contingent
Explosive Global Initiatives, LLC
The Foot Clan
New Al-Qaeda: Less Talk, More Rock
Shit Pisser (Bin Laden was listening to a lot of underground punk at the time)
Jihad Business Solutions
The Order of Deplorable Schemes
Osama’s Club House – No Girls Allowed! (No, seriously. They’ll be stoned to death)