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P. Diddy Caused 9/11 and Stole 100 Zillions of Dollars, Claims A Crazy Lady

P Diddy Cash

We all often call someone crazy when they in no way deserve to be labeled with such a harsh word. Not, at least, when there are people like Valerie Joyce Wilson Turks on earth.

Valerie is the true definition of crazy. She believes Sean “P. Diddy” Combs is responsible for 9/11, as well as various other atrocities, like knocking down her children, putting her baby in a wheel chair, and lots of rape.

This information comes to us from the statement she gave to a court pertaining to a restraining order Valerie is trying to place on Mr. Diddy. What follows is an exact, word-for-word copy and paste from the text of her court statement:

“[Diddy] went through Kim Porter and Rodney King and knocked down the WTC and then they all came and knocked my children down. Set me up to be on disability and disabled my baby. he put my baby in a wheelchair.”

So, according to Valerie, P. Diddy is in league with Rodney King, the guy that is famous for getting beaten by police officers, and the two, along with Diddy’s ex-girlfriend, Kim Porter, conspired on and eventually executed the September 11th attacks on the World Trade Center.

Yeah, I have nothing to say about that. What can you say? Some things are just too crazy. This is the pure, distilled essence of craziness. And it continues…

“He date raped me 24 years ago and knocked me down him and Kim Porter and Wallace Wright, then Sean Combs and Kim and Wallace Wright came back 18 years later and raped and sexually abused my children and knocked my children down and crushed me and my children daily.”

If any of this turns out to be in anyway true – which is can’t possibly be – then I would not look down upon P. Diddy. In fact, I will actually have a much deeper respect for him. The fact that he was able to build his financial empire, which consists of his own vodka, a line of clothing, a music career, and TV shows, all while having the dedication to rape, knock down and crush the same family every single day is admirable. We all used to think that Ryan Seacrest used to work way too much between his radio show, American Idol gig, and E! shows, but he isn’t squeezing in an aerobic battering and raping of an entire family during his lunch hour like P. Diddy is apparently one to do.

But, of course, Valerie goes on…

“Plus I won a lot of money at the casino in Mississippi and Sean P. Diddy Combs has my chip to my money. I heard he gave it to Gwen Allen to hold but she can not cash it in. I want my chip please help me. it’s well worth over 100 zillions of dollars, and my hospital keys. They put me and my baby in the hospital and broke my baby 2 legs and sexual assaulted my children and crushed us.”

Again with the raping and the crushing!

Why would a casino have a single chip worth over 100 zillions of dollars? I can understand that they might have one that worth under 100 zillions of dollars. I’m sure they have plenty of those. Like, one worth five dollars. I’m sure they have one worth five dollars. But one worth over 100 zillions? Probably not. What if they did, and then they lost it? They’d be freaking out. A chip worth over 100 zillions? That’s all of the money ever printed, ever. You don’t put all your eggs in one basket, and you don’t put 100 zillions of dollars in one plastic casino chip. That’s retarded. Valerie, you’re retarded.

Also, is the chip worth over 100 zillions of dollars and hospital keys? How much could hospital keys possibly cost? Were they the keys to the entire hospital? Like, nothing can function without these keys?

“Sorry, Mr. Johnson. We can’t give you your new kidney.”

“Why?”

“Because we don’t have the keys.”

Her claim would make some kind of sense  if the set of keys in question were the literal key to running an entire hospital. If that were the case, those keys would no doubt be worth quite a bit of cash. It wouldn’t be 100 zillions, but it would be something handsome. It might even bring the final total of the chip and the keys to over 100 zillions and seven dollars. I don’t know. That’s just a guesstimation. I’m not familiar with the monetary and intrinsic value of keys.

On top of all that, Valerie is requesting $900 billion in child support, and $100 billion in lost income.

No one’s kids deserve $900 billion. Is she planning on feeding her kids Faberge eggs and woolly mammoth meat? Have them attend college in Narnia? Get them braces made from the bones of people from a lesser caste?

And what lucrative career did P. Diddy derail with his incessant raping, knocking and crushing? Had he not raped, knocked and crushed so often, would she have followed through with her plans to establish a highly successful mining colony on the moons of Saturn?

There are just so many questions that I fear we’ll never get an answer to.

6 Responses to "P. Diddy Caused 9/11 and Stole 100 Zillions of Dollars, Claims A Crazy Lady"

  1. DonkeyXote says:

    The crazier part is that with the right kind of lawyer/s she could come out victorious or with a pretty decent settlement out of all this.

    That’s law there for ya. It makes much more sense to use Bayesian statistics in a court of law than to pay lip service to a bunch of jurors that could be swayed either way depending on how pretty one lawyer talks.

    I rest my case you illogical motherfuckers! FUCK YOU!!

  2. Eric says:

    I’m questioning if she is mentally fit enough to care for her children. Could someone please call Child Protective Services?
    btw if you want a chance of people believing that P. Diddy stole from you, you might want to try citing a number that exists.

  3. Al Frank says:

    DonkeyXote stole my thunder. What lawyer would take this case? I was in a car accident and my lawyer never even spoke to me for those 2 years. Sheesh!

  4. Dunz says:

    This bitch is miserable and out to terrorize and destroy
    whomever has money…..Diddy inspired ever fucking talented
    nigga which mean anybody from the hood blackkk,white & brown that we could do whatever tha fuck we want…It,s a new day….Here this a true example a Bitch……..

  5. Tony says:

    Diddy…

    First of all,Thanks.You definite show the world the other side of black men from the street.From Businessman,father &
    True leader.As an poor black man I lost everything from my
    house,career & family also the respect that came with it.Due to an ex. lies,accusation no proof…just lies and here in MD.a muthafucka could do that. they lock you up just on he say she say.Not only did she get me she did tha same shit with her sister ex boyfriend he still in jail.I set in jail with a bunch of murda and sure enuff
    criminals and mentally and physically I had to become
    the same like them just to survive.From a beautiful life to hell,overnight when you poor and black in america.So brother
    get your lawyers on top of that shit..put her ass in jail
    for these lies,especially for fucking with you professional
    image and your sharp character….make her out of an example like she try to do you…Brake her like she trying to Brake you .She fuckin with your fam…Peace………Tony