The Morning Jolt: Michelle Jenneke
I recognize win when I see it. The Chive, I want to reshoot this entire video but with me. Me and that dude.
By:Ian Fortey|December 14, 2012
Holy Taco’s Holiday Hootenanny
Christmas is almost here unless you’re a heathen in which case nothing is almost here. Nothing. Just another day of you frowning. Why so sad, heathen? That’s what happy people will say. Then, before you can answer, they’ll skip away and forget you exist. Poor heathen.
By:Ian Fortey|December 13, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Die Antwoord Live in Texas
This is Die Antwoord live in Austin, Texas. You will watch all 11 minutes of this video.
By:Ian Fortey|December 13, 2012
The Day I Met Shaggy
I’d woken up late that cold, Monday morning. It was already 11, my alarm had forsaken me and left me to fail unmercifully all my day’s tasks. And fail I could not! For on this day I was to be off to a fabulous press junket where I would be able to interview the director of the Miley Cyrus opus So Undercover. Yes, I mean Tom Vaughn. You may remember him from such other films as I have no idea what else he’s done. I assume he lost a bet to direct this one.
By:Ian Fortey|December 12, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Dubstep
Key and Peele understand dubstep on the most basic, fundamental level. And yes, this is here because I heard some dubstep this morning and grew hateful.
By:Ian Fortey|December 12, 2012
The Holy Taco 2012 Gift Guide
It’s December and that means you need to buy shit. Have you bought shit yet? You better buy shit. Unless you’re not Christian in which case as you were. But know that Jesus is super disappointed in you.
By:Ian Fortey|December 11, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Ass on the Internet
This is my new favorite video and it's not just because of the ass. It's that dude in a Snuggie.
By:Ian Fortey|December 11, 2012
Things No One Wants to See in 2013
Call this the Angry Article, it’s a rundown of everything we endured in 2012 that we really need to sweep under the rug for 2013 because it’s more than run its course. And sure, 2013 will have a whole new batch of awful crap no one enjoys by the end of the year, but that’s 2013’s cross to bear.
By:Ian Fortey|December 10, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Muslim Girls
Key and Peele never got much of a chance to be funny on MadTV. Good thing they;re making up for it now.
By:Ian Fortey|December 10, 2012
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: Special Suck Edition
I looked at everything that opened this week and it sucks hard. Like super hard. Instead of reviewing all these movies that no one is going to see because of how shitty they are I am now going to review Holiday Movies I Have Seen but that No One Else Should See. Enjoy!
By:Ian Fortey|December 7, 2012
The Morning Jolt: How to Deal
Holytaco does not condone the use of illicit substances. Unless you're in a place where they are no longer illicit.
By:Ian Fortey|December 7, 2012
25 Things Chris Brown Wants for Christmas
As you know, Chris Brown and I are buddies on Twitter. Which is to say I make fun of him a lot and he presumably has no idea I exist. But I only do it because he’s such a terrible person. He is. Objectively. Because of this relationship we have, I was able to snag this sneak peek at Brown’s Christmas list. Isn’t that amazing and yet very believable? Of course!
By:Ian Fortey|December 6, 2012
The Morning Jolt: More Irish Rap
To this day, every time I hear a song this awful by some poor kid on Youtube, I never know if they're sincere or just messing with me. Anyway, it's more Yasha Swag. Those words mean nothing.
By:Ian Fortey|December 6, 2012
Pigs vs Scientology
Pigs are the most maligned of all animals on Earth. Their very name is an insult, they wallow in filth and more than on major world religion forbids eating them at all. Not a lot of animals get damned by God. And speaking of religion, Scientology is one of the world’s most maligned religions, assuming you live in a country that considers it a religion and not a cult. But which is more worthy of your attention? Are pigs better than Scientology? Does comparing these two things even make sense? Stop asking foolish questions and put on your reading pants! It’s on!
By:Ian Fortey|December 5, 2012
The Morning Jolt: The Worst Video You Will See Today
You would literally need to sit down with a team of tasteless, tone deaf nincompoops to even conceive of planning to make a worse video than this shit sandwich.
By:Ian Fortey|December 5, 2012
The Inner Monologue of Carrot Top While He’s Performing
Alright, good looking crowd tonight, I like that. Ph'nglui mglw'nafh cthulhu r'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming!
By:Ian Fortey|December 4, 2012
Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (Mid Season Finale)
OMG, fog and a scream! And zombie feet! It’s a great day to be a zombie. Also, this chick is so sloppy looking even for a zombie, but what the hell is this? Who are these people? This show has no rules at all. New people run and then…are they at the prison? I really never looked at the prison before, is it red brick? I don’t pay attention to fine details, I’m a big picture guy.
By:Ian Fortey|December 3, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Rat Kicker
So this guy kicks that rat at that other guy and I laughed.
By:Ian Fortey|December 3, 2012
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 30th
I’m pretty convinced that no one cares but I would like to let you know that I don’t see these movies after I review them either. Sometimes I will, maybe once a month, but then other movies I’ll never watch. Like last week, Silver Linings Playbook? I’m never going to see that.
By:Ian Fortey|November 30, 2012
Daily Links
Best of Taco
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- MILF Monday: Kourtney Kardashian
- Our 700 Billion Dollar Bailout Conspiracy Theory
- When You Gotta Go you Gotta Go
- 5 Toppings I Never Want to See on a Burger
- 6 of the Worst Drinks in the World
