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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: June 21st

It’s a totally creepy week at the movies this week with monsters and beasts and crazy killer types. Or at least those are the movies I cherry picked because it made a kind of a theme for this particular review. Isn’t that great? Last week was what? Man of Steel? That was OK, but not great. This week it’s definitely falling to number two with a couple of heavy hitters and them some shit stains that probably aren’t even playing in you town. Yay!

By:|June 21, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Little Spoon

Man, if I had a nickel for everytime I had something poking me like that.

By:|June 21, 2013


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4 Things You Consider When Trying to Fix Your Internet

Yesterday I was required to exchange my old modem for a new one as my internet went all widdershins on me and straight up loco. It was a debacle of majestic proportions that saw me go through several modems, several choice swears and a good chunk of the day without internet.

By:|June 20, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Kidz Bop Butcher Thrift Shop

I don't usually hate kids but these kids and their soulless handlers can all go to hell.

By:|June 20, 2013


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1,001 Chip Flavors Made Simple

The world of potato chips (or crisps for you foreigners) is crazy and unpredictable. Many a website has put up an hilarious picture gallery of unusual flavors from around the world (including us, maybe I’ll link it here maybe I won’t. Try to click and see if I did). But at the end of the day, there’s only so much to be done with powder on a fried potato and we’ve all had at least one kind of chip that tasted absolutely nothing like that the package said. So, to simplify things, here’s basically ever chip flavor ever, condensed for your approval.

By:|June 19, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: How to Uninstall McAfee

Before watching this you need to realize that this is not an actor, this is actually the guy that started McAfee. That is actually a tattoo. And he actually has a history with guns and cocaine.

By:|June 19, 2013


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4 Things I Demand in a Man of Steel Sequel

Like many nerds, I put on my suspenders and went to see Man of Steel this weekend. I give every comic book movie a chance, even if I know it will suck. I even saw Green Lantern. Not in theaters, but I still saw it. And after the previews of Man of Steel, I was hoping it’d be one of the good ones, hoping that DC and Warner Bros had finally managed to make a good film that wasn’t a Christopher Nolan Batman movie. It didn’t really happen.

By:|June 18, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Russell Brand

I've been a closet Russell Brand fan for years and watched as people laid heaps of criticism on him for whatever reason but straight up, he's far more intelligent than many people give him credit for and watching him take over this morning show is just delightful.

By:|June 18, 2013


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25 Honest Ways to Describe Subway’s Guacamole

I was wandering past Subway the other day and saw a big ass avocado on a poster outside and I thought “yes, I do like guacamole and I would like a turkey and bacon sub with guacamole on it.” And I do like guacamole. And turkey and bacon subs. And so I thought it would be good. So now here are 25 ways the chain should be advertising the stuff they told me was guacamole.

By:|June 17, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Miss Utah Kills This Answer

Oh Utah. U suck.

By:|June 17, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: June 14th

This is a big weekend for movies, we’re getting into the summer fudge fest of films when every weekend is the most awesome weekend and one movie is clearly meant to make more money than all the rest. This weekend everyone was hanging their hats on Superman, but we’ll see how that pans out.

By:|June 14, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: The Science of Superman

Don't ever fight Superman. Ever.

By:|June 14, 2013


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6 Careers to Take Up in a Post Apocalyptic Wasteland

So the world almost ended and you’ve found yourself in a landscape with no semblance of law or civilization and mutants, desperate criminals and the ruins of cities all around you. It’s a shitty world, yo. Better make the most of it by picking these careers which are likely to be favorites in our new world!

By:|June 13, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Necessity for Money

All my phone calls are like this. Villiams!

By:|June 13, 2013


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The 6 Awesomest Atari Games Ever

Playstation 4 and Xbox One are on the way and the question no one is asking is who gives a shit? Games have pretty much gone downhill since Atari 2600. Today’s games may have cool graphics and storylines and extended gameplay and all this stuff, but compare that shit to Pacman and what do you have? No time to answer! On to awesome Atari games!

By:|June 12, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Ghost Tits

Give them back, dammit!

By:|June 12, 2013


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The Corona Summer Caption Contest

It's summer time and that means you should probably hit some water slides with me. Before we arrange that though, the good people at Corona asked me if I wanted to run a contest for you lot to help kick off their Corona Summer promotion because this is Holy Taco and we support summery, beer-filled goodness around here

By:|June 11, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Hard Ticket to Hawaii

He's not just a thrower! He's not!

By:|June 11, 2013


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25 More Obnoxious Foods Than a Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe

The San Diego Fatty Fat Fat Festival kicked off last week with the introduction of a new manner of gut-obliterating fried food – the Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe. See, fairs like to keep introducing newer and grosser foods in an ever increasing gamble to see if they can make normal folks grosser than carny folk.

By:|June 10, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Lazy Boy

God I want that car. Chair. Whatever.

By:|June 10, 2013