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The Best Article on Holy Taco: Tribute

I had a full on article posted here last night and apparently the internet ate it. I can find no trace of what I wrote and, naturally, my computer blue screened me so I have no saved copy on my hard drive.

By:|October 30, 2013


Chris Brown Explains Himself in GIF Form

So there are a lot of rumors going around about what happened this weekend. Let me set things straight once and for all. People got the wrong idea about me! I was a hero this weekend, straight up! Here's how it went down;

By:|October 29, 2013


25 Signs Gypsies Stole Your Baby

Thieving gypsy baby thieves thieving babies have been in the news a lot lately, even when they didn’t really steal a baby. As a public service, we’ll provide these signs to let you know gypsies are stealing babies from you, in case you weren’t sure.

By:|October 28, 2013


Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 25th

Last week Carrie dropped a telekinetic turd on the movie going public and no one was amused, least of all me who hasn’t seen a movie in months. When will this dry spell end?!?

By:|October 25, 2013


12 Vintage Costumes That Need to Make a Comeback

In 2013, every costume is of labia with some kind of vaguely identifiable theme. Nurse labia, bee labia, Spongebob labia. I don’t even know if they make men’s costumes anymore. But it doesn’t matter because 2013 is a wash.

By:|October 24, 2013


8 Depressingly Lame Life Hacks

Life hack is one of the most egregiously offensive terms currently in our lexicon. It’s stupid. It’s so stupid it should wear a helmet. It doesn’t mean anything.

By:|October 23, 2013


The Definitive List of Masturbation Euphemisms

They say 95% of people admit to masturbating and the other 5% are liars. Ha ha, burn! Wankers. And it’s true that every so often you smack the walrus the right way and it feels alright so you keep doing t. It’s human nature.

By:|October 22, 2013


Bad Grandpa Red Band

It's the Bad Grandpa Red Band trailer!

By:|October 21, 2013


25 Lines We Need to Hear in Army of Darkness 2

Word has it Bruce Campbell and Sam Raimi are heading back to the woods with Army of Darkness II. You may recall in the previous Army of Darkness film, Bruce Campbell had a metal hand,a boomstick and was being worshipped by primitives in medieval times.

By:|October 21, 2013


Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 18th

Another fun filled week of movies is upon us, will it be as stellar as last week with whatever the hell came out? I haven’t seen a movie in a few weeks so I kind of forget what happened lately.

By:|October 18, 2013


A Triple Six Turtle Christmas

Presented without commentary

By:|October 17, 2013


How Aliens and Humans Deal with Less Advanced Beings

I'm not saying aliens don't exist, I'm just saying they'd be as blown away to discover us as we would be to discover them and we'd mutually agree to probe one anothers' asses.

By:|October 16, 2013


Batman: Arkham Clusterf@#$

A year has passed since the events of Batman: Arkham City(quick synopsis – everyone at Arkham Asylum for the Batshit Insane in Gotham City, as well as inmates at Blackgate prison, has escaped and is making the city of Gotham a real shithole.

By:|October 15, 2013


25 Differences Between Canadian and American Thanksgiving

This weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada. Did you Canadians have Thanksgivng in October? Ya do now. But what’s the big idea, why a month early?

By:|October 14, 2013


Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 11th

This week is as exciting to me as sitting in a library reading books on tax law. Despite this, it is my solemn duty as a guy who voluntarily gives his opinions on things he knows nothing about to continue sharing said opinions with you, then 13 people who came to this site whilst trying to find a restaurant in Atlanta that has the same name.

By:|October 11, 2013


An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus and Sinead O’Connor

Dear Miley and Sinead, I see you two have had a lot to say to one another lately. Sinead, you’re chock full of unsolicited advice for a girl who played a character named Hannah Montana for her entire childhood and whose dad is most famous for Achy Breaky Heart.

By:|October 10, 2013


The Time I Had to Hide From a Delivery Driver

We live in a world of under appreciated wonders. The very fact we’re all connected to each other right now across the internet s nothing short of amazing. And only slightly less amazing is the fact that, if I want a pizza, I can just cal someone and tell them to make me a pizza, then sit on my ass until they bring it to my house.

By:|October 9, 2013


Holy Taco Revists Manti Te’o's Imaginary Girlfriend

Remember early in 2013 when football punchline Manti Te'o made headlines for sustaining a long term relationship with a girl who never existed?

By:|October 8, 2013


25 Ways To Get Walking Dead Back on Track

It’s October and that means zombies, I think. Anyway, as The Walking Dead brings on season 4 after much griping from fans like me in Season 3, I have some words of wisdom that no one asked for on how to make the show the hit it’s supposed to be.

By:|October 7, 2013


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: October 4th

Last week the box office was owned by Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, just as I predicted. I think. I dunno, I’m not going to check. Sounds like something I would have predicted.

By:|October 4, 2013