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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: May 24th

We’re getting close to the time of year when it’s not even a guess what the number one movie is because studios just give up on trying to compete with each other and take turns releasing blockbusters. That said, last week was all about Star Trek but this week may be a toss up – there are two contenders to the throne, neither of which is going to change your life with its cinematic awesomeness, but oh well. There’s also a wild card family movie. It’s a box office free for all!

By:|May 24, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: This Dinner is Hilarious Apparently

I'll have what he's having! *Laughs at camera and winks and drinks myself into a stupor*

By:|May 24, 2013


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5 Versus Movies I’d Like to See

Everyone likes a good versus movie I assume without even asking another human. Sure Alien vs Predator was a little weak and Freddy vs Jason was clearly a mistake, but the idea has potential. Cowboys vs Aliens was almost well liked and Godzilla vs King Kong is awesome. We need more head to head battles and I’m just the man to make up random ones on a whim!

By:|May 23, 2013


wizard-rap

The Morning Jolt: The Wizards

Heh heh heh. Magic.

By:|May 23, 2013


Burgers

5 Toppings I Never Want to See on a Burger

Burgers are awfully close to the world’s most awesome food. There’s tacos, there’s wings, there’s properly made barbecue and there’s burgers. Yes these are all meats because as much as I enjoy a nice cherry, it ain’t meat. Something needs to no longer be alive to really impress me at dinner time.

By:|May 22, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Bacon Pancakes

Watch this whole thing.

By:|May 22, 2013


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The 5 Worst Places to Endure a Fart

Childish? Unnecessary? Sophomoric? No. Not at all. Listen, fart jokes are fart jokes and we’ve all heard our share but they exist for a reason – a fart is a real thing with real consequences and there are some places where farts just shouldn’t be happening. Places where people with tact and grace would never fart (graceful, tactful people fart at Dude ranches and Burger King).

By:|May 21, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: GoPro Pancakes

PANCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKES!

By:|May 21, 2013


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25 Alternate Names for Kanye West’s New Album

Kanye West’s new album is called Yeezus. He debuted 2 new songs on SNL – Black skinheads and New Slaves, the most predictably Kanye West named songs ever. Because if there’s one thing you can count on from Kanye West it’s over the top melodrama.

By:|May 20, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Reggie Rolled

Best lyrics? Mhhmm huhaan hhuh hggrr aaann hheee

By:|May 20, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: May 17th

Last week was all about Iron Man again because of course it was, all it had as competition was The Great Gatsby. This week a new brand of nerdism rears its ugly head and storms into theaters. Will any other movie have a chance? Ha ha ha, of course not.

By:|May 17, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Guardians of Language

Stephen Fry knows all about ass gravy and language, yo.

By:|May 17, 2013


Drinks HD Wallpapers (11)

6 of the Worst Drinks in the World

Bartenders of the world come from three schools. Those who care about customers, those who don’t and those who hate them. The hateful ones are the ones that make up disgusting shots for others to try to fight their way through and no one knows why they partake of them at all. Just because you can mix to arguably drinkable substances together doesn’t mean you should or that the resulting mixture isn’t toxic. But here we are. I literally tried four of these before I gave up and decided to just write about how I imagine the rest would be.

By:|May 16, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: An Acquired Taste

This is a PSA - if you're not watching Bob's Burgers you're letting the terrorists win.

By:|May 16, 2013


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6 Show Ideas to Put the Nail in NBC’s Coffin

NBC seems determined to ruin itself as a television network. They’ve scourged their comedy lineup, they rejected a show by the hilarious comedian John Mulaney and, to top it off, they decided to renew Celebrity Apprentice because why should anyone ever watch the network again? It’s ranking behind all other major networks and Univision.

By:|May 15, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Why Fear Love?

LOVE!

By:|May 15, 2013


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The Complete Mental Breakdown of a Restaurant Owner

If you don't watch Kitchen Nightmares you've missed out on something remarkable in the last week, something that has boiled over from TV and into social media and, presumably, a mental asylum somewhere in Arizona as the owners of a restaurant featured on the show are literally losing their minds on the internet in a bizarre, mind-altering fight against perceived enemies and haters.

By:|May 14, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Ducks, Sharks and Aussies

How did I miss this full video and only see that little celebratory meme? The whole video is awesome!

By:|May 14, 2013


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25 Things You Shouldn’t Have Done for Mother’s Day

Why not write this article before Mother’s Day so you could avoid all of this stuff? Because this about regret and you don’t regret things you didn’t screw up yet, you regret the ones you screwed up badly. If you did any of this yesterday, feel bad. It was wrong.

By:|May 13, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Arrested Development

It's season 4!

By:|May 13, 2013