How to Tell the Difference Between Mormons and Zombies
Don’t you hate it when you’ve just sat down for dinner and you’re about to savor that first delicious sporkful of creamed spinach and tuna when your reverie is smashed by a knock upon the door? So you grunt your way out of the easy chair, pause your DVR’d episode of Iron Chef and head to the door only to discover it’s either a zombie or a Mormon? Seriously, that’s bullshit. And not just because they interrupted your meal, but because what now? Do you need to destroy someone’s brain or just say you’re already devout? It’s a tough call and if you make the wrong one you could end up spending every Sunday for the next year at a church full of friggin’ zombies. Have you ever been to zombie church? It completely sucks. All the hymns are moans and the host is usually feet. Gross feet.
By:|November 16, 2010
Scarlett Johansson Pictures
Where You've Seen Her: Scarlett Johansson is one of the sexiest women alive -- dont believe me? GQ named her 2010's Babe of the year, and rightly so. That rack deserves an academy award, for god sakes! Pointless Quote: "One of the best things for a woman to hear is that she's sexy."
By:|November 15, 2010
NOT Funny
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By:|November 15, 2010
7 Bill Clinton Cameos We’d Like to See (Besides ‘The Hangover Part II’)
Screen Junkies is reporting that former President Bill Clinton has filmed a cameo for The Hangover Part II. It's not everyday that a raunchy comedy lands an ex-president in its cast. But perhaps Clinton's appearance will start a trend. Just in case, we've come up with seven other Bill Clinton cameos we'd like to see.
By:|November 15, 2010
She Can Prank Me Any Day
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By:|November 15, 2010
25 Awful Homemade Tattoos
Everyone likes a good tattoo - keyword being "good." But good usually costs money and who has the time to get a professional these days anyway when it's just as easy to stay home with a pen and an inkwell?
By:|November 15, 2010
Poems from Mel Gibson
TMZ just released some poetry and letters written by Mel Gibson to his ex, Oksana Grigorieva that she saved over the years. You can read the whole things over at TMZ but it’s worth noting that they include lines like “have decided to take your pants to a show, wish you were in them” and “This is your capitalist pig landing his jet in Minnesota.” Yeah, he’s a wordsmith. And while TMZ has some great sources, they’ve got nothing on Holy Taco (we have an army of subterranean albinos and Mexicans who pretty much can get in anywhere). We have some more exclusive love poetry from Mel Gibson here, for your reading pleasure.
By:|November 15, 2010
MILF Monday: Vera Farmiga
Where You've Seen Her: Vera Farmiga is one of the best actresses out there, starring in hit films like The Departed and Up in the Air. But despite her roles in these high ranking films, she's still not afraid to get banged from behind on the washing maching in movies like Running Scared. MILF Status: Vera has a 2 year old son named Fynn and just had a daughter named Gytta and has not disclosed if the dad is Paul Walker.
By:|November 14, 2010
25 Hairstyles Worse Than Mullets
The mullet is a truly ugly hairstyle, but before you mock the next low budget trailer person sporting one, remember they could look even more preposterous with just a little more(or less) effort.
By:|November 14, 2010
25 Animals Flipping the Bird
Humans think they're so awesome with their opposable thunbs and polo shirts. Well, the animal kingdom is full of digits as well, and in the right light it totally looks like they're flipping you off. Awesome.
By:|November 13, 2010
Poorly Drawn Lines
Poorly Drawn Lines returns. This time your emo diary gets what's coming to it. Sucker.
By:|November 13, 2010
Available Only At Hot Topic
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By:|November 12, 2010
Oklahoma City Mayor to Lingerie Football League: ‘Stay Away From My Cox’
From what I've been told, Oklahomans love their football. But they can't stand hot women in sexy outfits. At least that's what I've been led to believe by Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett, who has banned the Lingerie Football League from going anywhere near his city's Cox Center.For those of you who don't know, "the league is made up of teams featuring women playing tackle football while wearing halter style tops and tight shorts under their football gear." Today, the mayor came out against the league's planned expansion to his town, saying "there are too many problems to list" with allowing the team to use city-owned venues.
By:|November 12, 2010
7 Books Amazon.com Should Ban Besides ‘The Pedophile’s Guide’
For those of you have haven't heard, Amazon.com has pulled "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-Lover's Code of Conduct," from its online store just because a couple of killjoys were offended by the title. As seen in the video above, author Philip R. Greaves seems like a reasonable fellow, and he went to a lot of trouble to write his book. But now the world will never get the chance to read it. But don't fret! There are still plenty of other offensive books on Amazon.com for you to enjoy, at least until there's another public outcry. So curl up by the fire and enjoy these reads before Amazon catches on.
By:|November 12, 2010
Resolved Questions: Where To Buy A Golden Shower?
Today’s question comes to us from Yahoo! Answers user Rob. Rob asks: Rob, you pose an interesting question, because golden showers are a rather high-end product that are not very easy to come upon. Unless you are willing to spend large sums of cash (which you probably cannot) you’re going to have to find a cheaper alternative. I would recommend finding an independent contractor that can give you a golden shower for a much lower price. Independent contractors like these can be found on nearly every street corner in the world. After all, independent contracting is one of the world’s oldest professions, especially the ones that specialize in golden showers. For as long as there have been rich people that enjoy swimming in the golden glow of their excess wealth, there have been people that enjoy a nice, soothing shower in the watery stream of someone that truly knows how to use their tools.
By:|November 12, 2010
All Hail El Presador
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By:|November 12, 2010
25 Bizarre Taxidermy Creations
Taxidermy is the totally not creepy art of preserving something that used to be alive but is no longer alive. Some people feel this is too normal and decide to make curious creations out of a handful of other living things so you can stare in abject horror mixed with curiousity wondering why that monkey has wings and a martini glass and the only answer you'll ever come up with is that it's awesome. Check out Sarina Brewster and Juan Cabana if you want to see some more.
By:|November 12, 2010
The Family Feud Curse
If you’ve broken your hip lately and misplaced the remote control for the TV, you may have noticed that Family Feud is not only still a show, it’s hosted by alleged comedian Steve Harvey, formerly of the Steve Harvey Show and star of The Original Kings of Comedy, which featured one funny and three unfunny comedians.As it happens, the Family Feud has been on TV since forever and it was never any better than it is now, except arguably during the Richard Dawson era because Richard Dawson pretty much tried to finger bang every female contestant regardless of what family members were present or the fact he was on daytime network television. Dude was a hero. But that brings us to our point today – what ever happened to Richard Dawson? Or any of the hosts?
By:|November 12, 2010
Rosie Jones Pictures
Where You've Seen Her: Rosie Jones is one of the unsung heroes in glamour modeling, but she's well on her way to becoming a star. Recently she starred in the new Old Spice Parody and went topless, which seems to be a running theme in her work...and is a good problem to have. Pointless Quote: "My Boobs are always Popping Out."
By:|November 11, 2010
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