The Morning Jolt: Sports Center Meow Game
Because Super Troopers and Sports Center deserve to meet.
By:Ian Fortey|October 1, 2012
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: September 28th
I never made it to the movies last week but I assume everything I predicted was correct. There sure are a bounty of sucktastic films out there. This week it’s obvious what the big winner is going to be but let’s pretend anyway.
By:Ian Fortey|September 28, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Rock n Roll Nightmare
This is the final battle scene from Rock n Roll Nightmare. It's long but every second is worth it because this movie is abysmal.
By:Ian Fortey|September 28, 2012
Names You Must Avoid for Your Child
Naming a child isn’t as simple as getting wasted and just yelling a few random syllables at a baby. If it was, my name would still be Jesus No. In fact, a lot of thought should go into naming a child; it’s a label they have to carry with them forever. Unfortunately, a lot of parents seem to really half ass it these days. In light of that, we have some rules for you.
By:Ian Fortey|September 27, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Bill Burr and Steve Jobs
They did make an iPhone after Steve Jobs died, didn't they?
By:Ian Fortey|September 27, 2012
Facebook’s Eerie Parrot Subculture
This article will make no sense. I will not explain to you how I happened upon the information I’m about to share because it is not relevant. All you need to know is that it is true and verifiable and ridiculous. Facebook is full of parrots.
By:Ian Fortey|September 26, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Grad School Scam
I fell for this crap,too. Someone should do something.
By:Ian Fortey|September 26, 2012
Ground Zero in the Mists of Pandaria
Last night at midnight Blizzard launched its 4th expansion for the World of Warcraft. I was in line at an EBGames at midnight for the launch of Burning Crusade back in the day. For Wrath of the Lich King I waited about a week. Waited a week again for Cataclysm. But for Mists of Pandaria, I dusted off my WoW subscription then downloaded the expansion so I wouldn’t have to even go outside, because screw outside.
By:Ian Fortey|September 25, 2012
The Morning Jolt: I Didn’t Know I Was Gilbert Gottfried
Finally,someone's talking about this phenomenon.
By:Ian Fortey|September 25, 2012
The Inner Monologue of a Public School Bus Driver
Drive. Just drive.
By:Ian Fortey|September 24, 2012
The Morning Jolt: I Can Still Do It
This is an 83 year old man rapping about banging chicks. You're welcome.
By:Ian Fortey|September 24, 2012
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: September 21st
Last week no one went to see any movies except for The Master. That’s cool, I figured it’d do OK because I have amazing skills of prognostication. This week things are opening up more and it’ll be a close call, man. Just you wait!
By:Ian Fortey|September 21, 2012
The Morning Jolt: The Hidden with Morgan Freeman
This stops being funny after about a minute, but you should watch that first minute.
By:Ian Fortey|September 21, 2012
10 New Sex Positions for a New You
Have you been paying attention to the calendar? December 21st is fast approaching and, if people who breathe through their mouths when they think are to be believed, that’s the last day of existence. No shit. The Mayans, a race of people who really enjoyed chocolate, worshipped forest animals and didn’t see their near total extinction at the hands of the Spanish penciled in on any calendars apparently did pencil in the end of the world and this is it, kids.
By:Ian Fortey|September 20, 2012
The Morning Jolt: The Next Big Thing
Ha ha, iPhone 5 buyers, Samsung made fun of you. No, but really, if you line up to buy a phone you're kind of an idiot. It's a phone.
By:Ian Fortey|September 20, 2012
Killing Me Softly with Grease: Fair Food
Every year I attend my local county fair and attempt to punish my insides for their blatant cowardice and insistence on hiding away inside me like fearful babies. Well insides, you’ve never won the battle yet and this year was no different.
By:Ian Fortey|September 19, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Hate by Numbers
Gladstone hates this Taylor Swift song, which makes sense because I think it was written out of pure hatred in the bowels of musical discomfort. Seriously, that one furry guitar player actually induces rage, just looking at that smiley dipshit expression on his face.
By:Ian Fortey|September 19, 2012
21 Worse Things Ever
4 months ago, Buzzfeed posted a list of the 21 worst things ever. I agree that many things on that list are a pain but I may have stumbled on 21 even worse things. So, with credit to Buzzfeed for the article which I am now completely copying and then adding to, here are 21 worse things.
By:Ian Fortey|September 18, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Clothing Drive
We do something like this in the office here only instead of getting free beer someone calls the police.
By:Ian Fortey|September 18, 2012
What to Expect from the New World of Warcraft Expansion
World of Warcraft, the illegitimate father of modern gaming, is about to expand its universe like trousers making room for a half chub.
By:Ian Fortey|September 17, 2012
Daily Links
Best of Taco
Holy links
Popular Tacos
- Our 700 Billion Dollar Bailout Conspiracy Theory
- So Adorable
- 5 Toppings I Never Want to See on a Burger
- Juliana Knust
- The 10 Most Worthless College Majors
- Quarterbacks Getting Tackled by Invisible Players
- Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser
- The Greatest Television Program Ever Made
- Twilight: Breaking Dawn: A Shocking Discovery
- Holytaco Buzz: Casey Anthony Porn No More
