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The Morning Jolt: BSB Green Screen Ninja

1000 times yes.

By:|July 18, 2013


The 9 Best Horror Movies of the Past 5 Years

How do you pick 9 movies and call them the best of the last 5 years when probably hundreds came out including hundreds you didn’t even see? Easy! It involves heavy use of the word “arbitrary” and a lot of not giving a shit. Sometimes you just have to assume you know best and go from there.

By:|July 17, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Vegan Cow Sexings

What the what?

By:|July 17, 2013


The 5 Best Poor Foods No Money Can Buy

I’ve probably written on most kinds of foods at one time or another – the best tacos, wings, shit you can buy at the dollar store, drinks, candy and chips, but today I write about food as a public service. Cheap food. Value food! Food you can buy with $5 and have a good meal. Because I care about you and your guts.

By:|July 16, 2013


25 Things I Need in a Pacific Rim Sequel

Naturally I saw Pacific Rim this weekend because, unlike people who saw Grown Ups 2, I have a soul that is neither black nor awash in metaphysical feces. I’m still decent. And I made the right choice because I can guarantee Grown Ups 2 was not good without even seeing it, but Pacific Rim was pretty awesome.

By:|July 15, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Baseball Heckler

He stole this bit from Jim Carrey, I think.

By:|July 15, 2013


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: July 12th

Last week Despicable Me 2 destroyed the Lone Ranger in humiliating and disgusting ways. The Lone Ranger is going to have to borrow money from John Carter it got ruined so bad. Probably because no one actually cares about the Lone Ranger since it’s 2013 and not 1940. But anyway...

By:|July 12, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Korn vs Taylor Swift

It's the Korn/Taylor Swift Mashup we've been waiting for!

By:|July 12, 2013


7 Possible Reasons Justin Bieber Pissed in that Bucket

The world is buzzing with the new video of Justin Bieber allegedly urinating in a mop bucket at a nightclub. But is that really what the video shows? Do we know exactly what was going on? Do we know the context? No. All we know for sure is that Justin Bieber is one of the greatest people on Earth. I think I’ve got some ideas about what really happened.

By:|July 11, 2013


4 Things You Have No Right to Do

Every day people go about their lives confident that they have a right to be who they want to be and do what they want to be. In point of fact this is untrue. Those of us in Western democracies have rights only by social contract. I agree that you have a right because you agree that I have a right. At any moment this could destabilize under force and we could all whine about our rights while a totalitarian government beats us all into cages to harvest our precious fluids.

By:|July 10, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Aussie Beatboxer

I hope they remake Police Academy with this guy.

By:|July 10, 2013


Probably the 10 Best Cat Photos on the Internet

The internet is about 30% cat photos. Porn is only another 30%, 10% is legit websites and the remainder is people bitching about anything and everything. Of the cat part, there’s a hell of a lot of pictures that are pretty unremarkable. Seems like every cat under the sun gets posted online and, let’s be honest, most cats are pretty dull shit.

By:|July 9, 2013


25 Thoughts You Have After a Long Weekend

Isn’t getting away awesome? No matter what you did this weekend, barring a life-altering mishap, disease or animal attack, you probably enjoyed it more than being in the office. It’s good to get away. But man, when getting away ends and it’s time to go back to not getting away, that shit is cold, son. That’s when your brain starts getting real negative-like.

By:|July 8, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Golden Corral Crap

Buffets, man. Blech.

By:|July 8, 2013


Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: July 5th

This week was all screwed up thanks to the holiday with both big releases coming out on Wednesday and today being left for the shit that studios hope make at least enough money to cover catering on the set.

By:|July 5, 2013


Happy 4th of July: Cooking By the Book

For you!

By:|July 4, 2013


How to Get ready for the 4th of July

Tomorrow is the 4th of July and that means parties for America. This is a big deal because it’s a holiday everyone has off and it’s at the peak of summer’s awesomeness so there’s much outdoorsy fun to be had. Not sure what you need to get done in advance? No problem, we got your back.

By:|July 3, 2013


Ranking Everyday Tasks in Order of Difficulty When You’re Dead Tired

Do you sleep much? I don’t. I want to. My idea of a good day involves sleeping till noon. I could sleep for a solid 14 hours if left to my own devices, but alas I have work and life and responsibilities and a social stigma that says you’re a bit shameful if you sleep more than half a day.

By:|July 2, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Scary Ass Prank

I like to think this wouldn't be scary in real life, but if this actually happened I'd probably be somewhat disturbed.

By:|July 2, 2013


25 Things Everyone Forgets About Camping

I spent this past weekend out in the middle of nowhere, which is to say I was very close to a town with a population of under 40,000. Can you imagine? That’s like some kind of amateur hunter/gatherer society shit. Anyway, whilst in the great outdoors I partook of camping, the age old art of trying to live like I don’t have a home but am not homeless.

By:|July 1, 2013