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The Morning Jolt: MinusIQ

The satire, it bites!

By:|March 20, 2013

canned food

The 4 Saddest Canned Foods Ever

This article needs to be clarified right off the bat. It’s not about gross canned foods, there are lots of those articles out there showing off pig brains and canned duck penis and who knows what else. This is focused on foods that are just depressing in the way that the person who eats them must cry in the shower a lot for seemingly no reason.

By:|March 19, 2013

pulled over

The Morning Jolt: Elmo Road Rage

is this guy doing an Antoine Dodson impression?

By:|March 19, 2013


25 Names For Your Future Mexican Restaurant

As you may have guessed, we have a love for tacos up in here. Taco Bell, Taco Del Mar, Taco…well, that’s all we know. But if a joint sells tacos, we respect them because they’re delicious in pretty much every way. That said, we need more Mexican restaurants out there.

By:|March 18, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Winter is Coming

Is this funny in any way? No. And I don't care. Game of the Thrones is awesome ans you're all invited to come over and watch it with me.

By:|March 18, 2013


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 15th

Last week audiences were whisked away to Oz and from the looks of things this week we’re about to be whisked away to a placed no one gives a shit about. Yeah, it’s another slow looking week of shrugs and turds but there may be one or two gems in there if you dig for them. That was a lazy metaphor befitting a lazy week of movies.

By:|March 15, 2013


The Morning Jolt: $90 Low Carb Bread Rage

This video seemed boring at first but when he cleaned that ketchup I couldn't stop laughing.

By:|March 15, 2013


My 25 Favorite People on Twitter

Twitter is the only social media platform I don’t hate.

By:|March 14, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Louis CK Has Nice Boots

Even a positive heckle is unwanted.

By:|March 14, 2013


What Your Sex Toy Says About You

Say, you like treating your body like an amusement park, right? Sure you do! It’s the reason we all have dongs and lady dongs, whatever those may be. But is there some secret to what rubber or plaster widget makes your gitch twitch? Is there a hidden language of love? A special sauce on …this paragraph makes no sense.

By:|March 13, 2013


The 7 Worst Films I Have Ever Seen

There’s much to be said about the “worst” thing ever. The worst band, worst food, worst TV show, worst venereal disease. It’s a whole thing and often is rife with hyperbole. I could right now say that Michael Bay makes the worst movies ever, but that is not true.

By:|March 12, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Paula Deen Slo Mo

This starts out slow but man, give it a chance.

By:|March 12, 2013


25 Things to do on Spring Break when you don’t get Spring Break

Spring Break is the domain of children and young adults whose chief responsibilities include beer and tits. Man, that’s awesome. But this will only work for a few years after which time you’re going to have to think up a new Spring Break plan of action. Maybe you need to consider that this year as, realistically, even a 24 or 25 year old at Spring Break is getting a little pervy. Here’s 25 things you may want to consider doing instead of heading down to Florida or Mexico.

By:|March 11, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Awards are Stupid

Jerry Seinfeld sums up awards in 5 minutes.

By:|March 11, 2013


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 8th

Last week I actually saw Jack the Giant Slayer and it should be used to teach future generations about mediocrity. I’m as sour as an old spinster when I write these, aren’t I? Just crusty and unhappy about everything. Curse you Hollywood, make stuff I can be happy about!

By:|March 8, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Ba’Noodle


By:|March 8, 2013


What’s the Deal with..?

You’ve likely heard the Seinfeldian line “what’s the deal with airplane peanuts?” before. It was in an episode of the show when George decided to shirk his duties helping Jerry upon reflecting that Jerry makes dumb jokes like “what’s the deal with airplane peanuts?” It was some self aware humor.

By:|March 7, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Booty Calls

I love David Koechner but man is he the opposite of sex.

By:|March 7, 2013


25 Things You Can Say To Your Dog but Not Your Date

Just to clarify, we’re not saying you can’t say these things, just maybe never on a first date until you’ve established some kind of proper rapport that supports such things. Also, last minute edit, I’m told I lifted this idea from Whose Line is it Anyway, which I very well may have done. But it still made me laugh, so apologies if I actually plagiarized any of these.

By:|March 6, 2013


The Morning Jolt: The Day the Earth Stopped…

Not sure prison would be the best place for offenders of this nature.

By:|March 6, 2013