Much like the video game Duck Hunt, being crazy has many, many levels. I’m not sure exactly what level of crazy Britney Spears and Mel Gibson land on, but I’d venture to say the Duck Hunt equivalent is the level where the birds fly around like someone set their asshole on fire…and then shave their heads and call you a dirty jew. And now, these two may be going on vacation with each other. Popsugar reports:
Britney Spears has been working hard lately, so it’s no big deal that the pop star could use a little vacation. Here’s the twist — according to ET she’s on her way to Costa Rica right now with Mel Gibson!
First of all, I’ve seen the movie Anaconda, and Ice Cube fully alerted me to the already crazy atmosphere in the jungles of South and Central America. Now, if you take that crazy, and you add the crazy of Mel Gibson and Britney Spears, you potentially get a perfect storm of crazy. Like, basically there’s nothing I could hear about that happened on this trip that would surprise me. You could say: “Hey did you hear that Mel Gibson got in full Braveheart costume, teamed up with a monkey trained in gunfighting and wandered through the forest while Britney Spears rode a rhinoceros looking for small animals to kill and eat along the way,” I would say “No, I didn’t hear that, but I believe you.”
It’s about time boobs started pulling their weight in the fight against “global” warming. According to ananova.com:
It comes with a detachable solar panel which can produce enough energy to power an iPod or mobile phone, reports the Daily Telegraph.
It is also equipped with plastic pouches that can be filled with water, allowing wearers to quench their thirst without having to buy and then throw away drinks bottles.
Triumph International Japan concedes the bra will not become popular in its current form, as outer clothing renders its solar panel ineffective.
“People usually cannot go outside without wearing clothes over it,” said Yoshiko Masuda of Triumph.
OK, so let’s get this straight. They invented a solar-powered bra that can’t be worn where the sun can actually see it. So, basically, they duct-taped a solar panel to a bra and called it an invention. Perhaps they should’ve waited until they actually made something that can work before unveiling their great innovation to the world.
By the way, I just invented a jock strap that can turn standard household garbage into pure ethanol…but you can’t wear it because it’s the size of an industrial refinery. It’s a jock strap, though, I promise.
If you watch this video closely, you can see The Red Sox’s Mr. Ramirez make a great catch, leap up the outfield wall, high-five a fan, turn around and double a runner off first. Amazing.
Hardcore fans can be quite the conundrum. When you’re going to a sporting event, a raucous crowd can really add a lot to the experience and make the game a lot more exciting. (Except for the wave. That’s a lame pain in the ass.) But they can also suck the fun out of something that’s great, too. Case in point, MovieMistakes.com put together 139 mistakes that have occurred in The Simpsons. Now, if these mistakes were something interesting like “In this scene, Homer’s black,” or “In this scene, there’s a penis hanging out of Lisa’s mouth” I would be all for this. But instead, it’s mostly just random continuity issues where Marge’s shoes are green in one scene and red in the next. Which I could give two shits about (and don’t worry, I have way more than two shits in me at all times.)
I once ate quesadillas and this weird chicken that came in a can, every day for three weeks in college because I was broke. Then I sold my textbooks back and went directly to an Outback Steakhouse and ordered some kind of beef item for every course including dessert. So it’s confusing for me that Tony Romo, after banging Jessica Simpson for such a long time, breaks up with her and immediately goes to a Hooters and starts hitting on a girl that looks exactly like Jessica Simpson. Usmagazine.com reports:
New photos have surfaced on Perezhilton.com that Jessica Simpson’s boyfriend Tony Romo getting cozy with a tan blonde at Chicago club Manor over the weekend.
Perez reports that “five to six girls from Hooters” — including the woman he’s seen whispering into the ear of — partied with Romo, 28, and his pals.
Wow, when you’re the good looking star quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys and you go to a Hooters, I’m pretty sure you put on a condom before you even set foot in there. You might just be minding your business and ordering a buffalo chicken sandwich and then suddenly look down and be surprised to find your pants off and a hooters girl already banging you. But, Jessica of course denies they’re splitting up.
A rep for Simpson told Us, the singer is “very happy with Tony…they are both happy together.”
Hmmm, I’m pretty sure Jessica can expect to find a note like this from Tony in the near future:
Write a caption of these kickass dancers and you can win a copy of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 08. As usual, leave your captions in the comments section. All winners will be notified via HolyTaco.
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
10. iPhone
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: You can access e-mails, high speed internet, and watch videos, all on your phone. Because really, normal people around you are so f*&king boring you can hardly bear actually interacting with them.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: I’ve done some research and iPhone is actually a Japanese word that means “something that’s not able to be put in a pocket and instead must be carried in your hand at all times or set on the table in front of you so that any one around you can see it.” This may sound shocking, but when someone remarks how hot it is, they’re not asking you to look up the temperature in both farenheit and celcius, or show them a clip on a 3 inch screen from “An Inconvenient Truth” in an effort to relate this heat to global warming.
9.Ironic Belt Buckles
WHY YOU THINK YOU’RE COOL: Now you can show up in bars and point at your belt buckle and tell people that you are a “Rodeo Champion” or a “Pac Man” or a “Truck Driver” or a “Jack Daniels.” And while they will know that you are actually none of these things, you think you’re being playful and a little bit mysterious. You also think this tactic will help you pick up women.
WHY YOU’RE NOT COOL: You’re the same person who has ironic facial hair (mustache), drinks ironic beer (PBR) and wears ironic T-shirts (Lucky Charms). You spend your entire life trying to look as shitty and poor as possible while, chances are, you have rich parents or a job for an accounting firm that pays you over $60,000. In four years you will be a Republican living in the suburbs and complaining about your 401k over wine spritzers at dinner parties.
Where you’ve seen her:Bar Rafaeli has been in Sport Illustrated, Tatler and Elle, but you’ve most likely seen her dangling from Leonardo Di Caprio’s…um, career.
Pointless quote: “Sometimes my mom tells me I was voted number one whatever in Israel. She asks if I’m excited, and I say, ‘No. I really don’t care. Let’s move on.’”
Being cool is normally subjective. But there are some things that unequivocally make you uncool. We’re not saying we’re cool, we’re just saying if you own any of these items, you’re not.
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