The Morning Jolt: How to Snapchat
This makes too much sense. Also, eggplant emoji.
By:Ian Fortey|May 3, 2013
What To Do With a GoPro Camera
Some years ago I was given a GoPro camera and I promptly forgot I owned it and put it away somewhere only to just recently find it again. It’s a GoPro Hero HD 960 camera and its main purpose seems to be to take video from your POV while you dive into volcanoes or box robots in the middle of a sharknado (that’s a tornado made of sharks).
By:Ian Fortey|May 2, 2013
The Morning Jolt: The Matrix According to Mom
Moshimo, you will be missed.
By:Ian Fortey|May 2, 2013
Todd and the Book of Pure Evil and You
I need you to watch this clip from Todd and the Book of Pure Evil very carefully.
By:Ian Fortey|May 1, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Pool Party
I keep telling people they need to come either hot tubbing or on water slides with me and this is why. But no one listens.
By:Ian Fortey|May 1, 2013
5 Things Everything Must Like to Be Normal
In the 50s, if TV hasn’t lead me astray, everyone knew what normal was. Everyone wanted to be normal and abnormal was uncool. Then sometime in the 90s people started saying “what’s normal anyway?” and we decided to accept all kinds of insanity all the time because everyone is special and unique and wonderful. That may be, but if you want to be normal in the abnormal world, there are some things you need to conform to or else you’re just a weirdo that no one likes.
By:Ian Fortey|April 30, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Arrested Development is Back
This is awesome and clearly I didn't even need to say that.
By:Ian Fortey|April 30, 2013
25 Better Things to Watch Than An SNL Rerun
I’ve come to the conclusion that people watch Saturday Night Live out of habit. It’s been on TV since 1923 and it’s just always there and, honestly, nothing else new is on at 11:30 on a Saturday so people watch it in the hopes that it will be a funny episode. Episodes of SNL are funny as often as clovers have four leaves. It happens. Sometimes. Not often.
By:Ian Fortey|April 29, 2013
The Morning Jolt: How American Idol Should Be Run
I put my heart and soul into every video I post.
By:Ian Fortey|April 29, 2013
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: April 26th
A few years ago, couldn’t say when exactly, May really became the month when studios started ushering out the big blockbusters. Summer has always been the season of huge film releases but the date of the year’s first big tentpole seems to always fall sometime in May. You’ll notice it’s not May yet. The last week of April is a squat toilet of movie despair.
By:Ian Fortey|April 26, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Surstromming
There's a video making the rounds of some big dudes in Texas eating surstromming right now, but I thought I'd go with the original guys who eat anything and post the video from Cult Moo since they did this stuff two years ago. Check 'em out on Twitter, yo!
By:Ian Fortey|April 26, 2013
Ranking 17 Super Mario Characters by Awesomeness
According to my research there are 713 different Mario games in existence probably. Like I’d really check. There are a lot of them, though, and they’ve been pretty much the foundation of everything Nintendo has done forever. Without Mario they have Link and a monkey who’s just waiting around for Mario. It’s a weird empire.
By:Ian Fortey|April 25, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Boston Bombing Coverage Wrap Up
This is everything you need to know about the media coverage of what happened in Boston. Suck it, CNN and the internet.
By:Ian Fortey|April 25, 2013
The Oldest Dildo in the World: A Perspective
It’s 28,000 years ago. Saber-toothed cats still exist. As do Neanderthals. Humanity is slowly establishing itself, art is being created, and tools. And in a cave, in what is present day Germany, someone stores their stone dildo. It’s about 8 inches long. It is carved from siltstone and polished smooth. Some Ice-Aged relative of modern man humped that stone willy for all it was worth.
By:Ian Fortey|April 24, 2013
5 Food Network Shows I Should Be On
I recently wrote about why I should be a judge on Iron Chef: America but let’s be honest – the Food Network has a whole schedule of shows that could benefit from my presence. Am I a classically trained chef? No. Am I a celebrity? No. Would people piss on me if I was on fire? Maybe.
By:Ian Fortey|April 23, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Michael Shannon Sorority Letter
Michael Shannon Reads the Insane Delta Gamma Sorority Letter from Michael Shannon General Zod does an epic read of the crazy letter some sorority sister sent to the rest of the sorority when she was pissed about being an insane twat or whatever.
By:Ian Fortey|April 23, 2013
25 People Worse Than Westboro Baptist Members
So after the bombing in Boston, Westboro Baptist Church crawled out of their holes to let us know they’d protest the funerals of the victims. It seems like the clock is ticking on ol’ Westboro and they’re getting ever closer to a nasty comeuppance of either a legal or illegal variety depending on who doles it out first, but for the time being they still troll us all with the same tired shtick and a lot of people fall for it because it’s really hard not to take the bait when they seem so awfully stupid tossing it out there.
By:Ian Fortey|April 22, 2013
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen: April 19th
We’ve all had a week to recover from none of us seeing Scary Movie 5, so that’s good. In what was a surprise to no one, that movie sucked and is making shit money. I don’t understand how people keep throwing money at shitty ideas like that. I will give you one of my screenplays for way less and I guarantee it can’t be worse than Scary Movie because it literally can’t be worse. This is a win-win. Hollywood.
By:Ian Fortey|April 19, 2013
Daily Links
Best of Taco
Holy links
Popular Tacos
- Using Your Belly Button As An Anus In A Tattoo: A Brief Gallery
- 25 Sexy Super Bowl Fans
- Totally Gay for Hollywood: 6 Riveting Celebrity Gayness Rumors
- MTV's Teen Moms Love Making Permanent Mistakes, Like Having Babies and Getting Bad Tattoos
- The Morning Jolt: The Matrix According to Mom
- 25 Hot Lingerie Football League Players
- The Happiest Fleshlight
- 25 Nightmare Before Christmas Tattoos
- The Morning Jolt: This is How You Price is Right
- 25 Jared Allen Mullet Pics
