Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 10th
Last week the Hollywood machine had a possum stuck in the gears and turned out pure shit. Our apologies to anyone who went to theaters last week. This week a new set of movies with maybe some more potential and less suckitude. But who will reign supreme? Behold!
By:Ian Fortey|August 10, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Call Me Maybe (on Chatroulette)
Every time I see this guy I think "This guy." And then I watch it anyway.
By:Ian Fortey|August 10, 2012
4 Drunk Stories Everyone Has
Everyone of a certain age and value set enjoys a good drunkening. That should be a fairly acceptable statement. Incidentally, if you’re one of those 19 year olds who doesn’t drink, for the love of Pete don’t get all preachy about it, because it’s not an almost totally unimportant lifestyle choice at that point, it’s just you being an asshole.
By:Ian Fortey|August 9, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Bane After Batman
Bane had to adjust to real life. Just like the rest of us.
By:Ian Fortey|August 9, 2012
An Open Letter to National Geographic Channel
How’s taking pictures of indigenous boobies? I imagine it’s both satisfying and kind of sad at the same time. Keep it up. Listen, the reason I wanted to talk to you is this new American Gypsy show you guys have on TV. I need you to listen to me, and I mean really listen. Get comfy. Maybe get a drink and relax. Are you good?
By:Ian Fortey|August 8, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Snoop Gives Life Advice
There's something charming and terribly uncomfortable about Snoop talking sex with an 8th grader.
By:Ian Fortey|August 8, 2012
How the Avengers 2 Should (but Won’t) End
The sky is black. The Earth itself shakes. Panicked screams are now silenced as the citizens of Earth stumble in their attempts to evacuate major cities and urban centers, struck fully by the realization of what is coming. Thanos the Mad Titan has arrived. Though mankind has grown accustomed to the idea of super powered beings, nothing has prepared them for the embodiment of Death, and the wielder of the Infinity Gauntlet. Thanos represents destruction unheard of.
By:Ian Fortey|August 7, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Drunk for Judge Judy
Need some kind of supercut of just the last few seconds of this.
By:Ian Fortey|August 7, 2012
Perfect Dangers: Chapter CMLXXXVI
We approach the 19th anniversary with no end in sight. My resolve is all but gone. I go through the motions of life like some kind of robot and the days mean so little any more. Am I awake or dreaming? Am I still the man I was? Am I a man at all? If someone told me I had died years ago I don’t know how I would prove them wrong.
By:Ian Fortey|August 6, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Down with LCC
I'm putting this on my iPod and listening to it every time I take a shit from now on.
By:Ian Fortey|August 6, 2012
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 3rd
Last week we gave the edge over everything to Batman because of all the shite movies opening. This week, will it be different? To the reviews!!!
By:Ian Fortey|August 3, 2012
5 Curiously Obscene Fruits
Everyone loves a picture gallery of green peppers that look vaguely like penis or boobs. Except me! When I want obscene fruits and veggies, I go to the source. Mother Nasty Nature. She’s a saucy old tart and she can give you the goods. Just look at this heaping helping of raunch.
By:Ian Fortey|August 2, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Lynx
My friend Jessica told me to post this or else, and you don't want to make her angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry. Plus there's comical ass slapping in it.
By:Ian Fortey|August 2, 2012
The 10 Worst Things Ever (According to a Google Image Search)
Google is currently the only way any of us are able to know anything. Even stuff you didn’t know you wanted to know you can know if you Google it. So if you Google “the worst thing ever” like I did, you’ll discover these ten images, which I guess are the 10 worst things in the world, ever, since they are the first ten images that search gets you. I wouldn’t have guessed, but who am I to argue with Google?
By:Ian Fortey|August 1, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Goats
There's no reason for me to find this as funny as I do, but 0:55 kills me.
By:Ian Fortey|August 1, 2012
How to Cook Rice to Perfection
Not everyone has mastered the art of cooking rice. If you know how already it seems stupid someone should be told, but everyone has to have a first time, know what I’m saying? Yeah, you know. You know I’m talking about rice. So here’s a handy guide for simple, delicious rice. Enjoy! Millions of Asians can’t be wrong. That’s not racist, they just eat a lot of rice in Asia.
By:Ian Fortey|July 31, 2012
A Game of Hodor: Chapter IV
Gods be good, I’ve made so many errors in judgment in my life. I could have gone to the Wall, you know. Well, obviously I am partaking of such an adventure now, but I mean on my own. They would have accepted me as a Black Brother. To be sure I would suffer mockery, but no worse than anywhere else. And on the upside I wouldn’t be wearing a glorified potato sack as I trudge through a freezing forest.
By:Ian Fortey|July 30, 2012
The Morning Jolt: The Woman Whisperer
This dude looks like my uncle. Awesome.
By:Ian Fortey|July 30, 2012
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: July 27th
Last week Batman came out and no one even tried to compete with it, so there’s not much point even discussing it. It was awesome, Batman is awesome, Bane is awesome, awesome is awesome. On with this week!
By:Ian Fortey|July 27, 2012
Daily Links
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