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a-reality

6 Reality Shows That Need to Exist

Reality TV is preposterous. It’s never been real, it’s clearly not going away and it just mocks us all the time. Mocks our apathy, mocks out stupidity, mocks the way we just won’t turn it off. And even if you do turn it off, and I turn it off, 1,000 idiots will be watching and live tweeting how much they love it with all the finesse of loquacious apes.

By:|February 13, 2013


burr

The Morning Jolt: Bill Burr on Lance Armstrong

This is basically the final word on Lance Armstrong.

By:|February 13, 2013


centro_cheeses_web

5 Cheeses That Need to Be Made

Cheese making is probably pretty simple. I’ve never endeavored to make much cheese, but I have tried once. I made some homemade marscapone. It tasted kind of like off yogurt. But the point is I did it and could probably do it again. Cheese was invented before the wheel, I think, how hard can it be? That said, despite the long, splendid history of cheese, I can’t help but notice how lazy most cheesemakers are.

By:|February 12, 2013


fridge2

The Morning Jolt: Billy the Fridge

You don't even have to like rap to appreciate a fat guy who calls himself "The Fridge" and wears a donut on a chain.

By:|February 12, 2013


iron chef

The Campaign to make me an Iron Chef Judge

Hey Iron Chef producers, what’s up? My name is Ian Fortey and I am the managing editor here at Holy Taco. I also edit content for Break.com and was once a columnist on Cracked.com. I’m so famous on the internet that total strangers have sent me hate mail. Not too shabby, eh?

By:|February 11, 2013


spider

The Moning Jolt: When Awful Attacks

That thing is like the size of a ham.

By:|February 11, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 8th

Oh man, remember last week? There was a zombie movie and a Stallone movie and they weren’t the same thing. I have nothing else to say about that. This week is what we in the industry call “a mixed bag” and by bag I obviously mean nutsack. Let’s get to it!

By:|February 8, 2013


panda

The Morning Jolt: Panda Strut

This is both short and awesome.

By:|February 8, 2013


The Losers movie poster entire cast

What Happened to That Guy: 5 Squandered Potentials

Hollywood is a weird place. I can say this with authority as I’ve been there on two separate occasions and once I spent a lot of time drinking. It’s built on piles of money all devoted to the seemingly arbitrary art of film, to making new Fast and Furious movies, and giving Yoda a solo movie.

By:|February 7, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: A Little Pot

I had a little pot once but my ex stole it. Now I just use a waffle iron.

By:|February 7, 2013


penny_np

25 Things the Canadian Penny Can Do Now That It’s Retired

Canada has finally done what everyone with a pocketful of pennies looking for a quarter has wanted to do for ages – they’ve abolished the little copper shit. No longer will Canadians be forced to deal with pennies and the tight asses will forever lament how something that should be 8 cents will now be rounded up to a dime. But now that the penny is retired, what can it do? Lots!

By:|February 6, 2013


bad-dia

The Morning Jolt: I Have a Bad Case

Confirmed by 3 chicks working out.

By:|February 6, 2013


ice

What Your Cliché Tattoo Says About You

Some years ago we ventured to tell you what your tattoo said about you, but times have changed and so have tattoos. Miami Ink, LA Ink, Ink Masters, Tattoo Nightmares and a solid 100 other shows about tattoos have permeated the airwaves. Everyone and their taint bleacher has a tattoo now. Times and perceptions have changed and cliché tattoos are waaaaaay more cliché now. It’s time to take another look at some ink and see what we can see.

By:|February 5, 2013


court

The Morning Jolt: The Look of Surprise

Just another day in court. But the last 15 seconds is pretty hilarious.

By:|February 5, 2013


horror

The 5 Best Places to Set a Horror Movie

A horror movie fan is more passionate than any other kind of movie fan and I’ll tell you why – we wallow in disappointment. No other film genre so routinely suffers from disappointing films as horror.

By:|February 4, 2013


will-ferrell-old-milwaukee_2

The Mornign Jolt: Old Milwaukee

Possibly the best commercial of the Superbowl.

By:|February 4, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 1st

January is finally over and with it, all bad movies. Ha ha! No, of course not, every week is bad movies with like three good ones a month. It’s a crap shoot. Which one is worth seeing? It’s hard to tell, especially if you guy by what I write since the whole basis of this is that I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about.

By:|February 1, 2013


asians

The Morning Jolt: No Asians

They come from Agia.

By:|February 1, 2013


fart

The Definitive List of Fart Euphemisms

Farting. It’s the single funniest thing a person can do. Don’t Google it, don’t debate, don’t even bother trying to think of something funnier. There’s nothing. But the problem with farting, if there is one, is that it may be too funny. It’s too awesome. So awesome, in fact, that there are hundreds upon hundreds of euphemism for them.

By:|January 31, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Dems Fightin Werds

Junkie bastards.

By:|January 31, 2013