4 Other Things That Happened on July 4th
Independence Day – the day when Will Smith and Jeff Golblum wrote the Constitution and saved us from the British. But is that all there is to it? Just fireworks, barbecues and Isaiah Washington chopping down cherry trees? No, July 4th has much more to offer you. How much more? Four more things. Only four other things.
By:Ian Fortey|July 4, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Vidcon
Our friend Ross Everett is back and he's at Vidcon, a convention of Youtubers. Did you know Youtuber is a word? Neither did I!
By:Ian Fortey|July 4, 2012
The 9 Types of People You Meet in College Dorms
One of the greatest experiences in a person’s life is going to college. It’s the first big opportunity to leave home, interact with new people from vastly different background and viewpoints and to experience a richer life and understanding of the world. It’s also a fine time to party and get lost in the insanity of thousands of kids with no parents in sight. But at the end of your day, whether it was full of science or Smirnoff, you have to crawl back to your dorm. And who’s going to be there waiting for you?
By:Ian Fortey|July 3, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Russian Road Rage
If he brings a knife, you bring a gun. If he brings a bat, you bring a hatchet.
By:Ian Fortey|July 3, 2012
A Game of Hodor: Chapter 1
Seven gods be damned, the ennui of travel. Oh, how it pains me. It’s so bloody monotonous. And what dares break the monotony after many weary leagues and long, cold nights? Deadly peril, of course. Never a soothing mug of ale, nor snifter of port. Never a comfortable down pillow warmed by a friendly hearth and the merriment of friends. Oh no. Arrows tearing scrotums free from your loved ones and cannibals sizing up the meat of your ass, that’s the sort of respite you get on forced travel. Well no thank you, I say. Or I would say if I could get passed this infernal speech impediment of mine.
By:Ian Fortey|July 2, 2012
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: June 29th
Last week we destroyed the psychic plane and all those who dare pretend to have precognitive abilities by again fully, completely and accurately predicting the top box office draw. You might argue any idiot could have guessed that Pixar’s Brave would have kicked ass but to that we say – any idiot did.
By:Ian Fortey|June 29, 2012
6 People Who Will Ruin Your 4th of July Party
We’re coming up on everyone’s favorite summer blowout holiday, Independence Day, the day Columbus freed the slaves and killed Paul Revere. To best celebrate this most hallowed of summer holidays, you should probably have a party. Thing is, you need to be careful. Party ruining scumbags are around every corner. Be wary of them!
By:Ian Fortey|June 28, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Whisper Dad
No one is going to want you when I'm gone.
By:Ian Fortey|June 28, 2012
The 7 Best Powers of Masters of the Universe Characters
It’s a scientific fact that the Masters of the Universe was awesome. Few things are cooler than a cartoon based around an action figure, both meant to promote the other in an incestuous sword and sorcery romp with green cats and bird people. With the ridiculous abundance of characters in the universe it’s no surprise that some got served a heaping helping of awesome powers while some got less awesome, also known as hyper-shitastic-lame-ass powers.
By:Ian Fortey|June 27, 2012
The Morning Jolt: I Fought the Law
And the law won. But not the cops. is this video somewhat obnoxious? Yes. But remember, dude's still right about everything.
By:Ian Fortey|June 27, 2012
How to Get a Reality Show on TLC
So you’ve decided to leap into the stream of human effluence that is TLC and exploit yourself or loved ones for money and something akin to notoriety. Maybe infamy. Good for you, sorta. Despite all signs to the contrary, getting a show on TLC is not as easy as being walking garbage, you need to really hone and refine how much of a piece of trash you are. Only the truly awful get to be seen on TLC.
By:Ian Fortey|June 26, 2012
The Morning Jolt – Nicki J Minajackson
This is just wholly unappealing to me.
By:Ian Fortey|June 26, 2012
The Walking Carl: Chapter 13
So I’m fictional. Who saw that coming? I found three issues of this Walking Dead comic and I’m officially creeped the hell out because it’s about my dad. But even weirder, my mom’s barely an asshole in it, I’m a twat, Shane was banging my mom since my dad got shot or something like that, and who the hell is Tyrone?
By:Ian Fortey|June 25, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Superman
Yeah, it's a long one, sue me. It's the most concise story of Superman you'll ever see.
By:Ian Fortey|June 25, 2012
Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: June 22nd
We let you down last week. We put Rock of Ages and That’s My Boy head to head and, while acknowledging that both movies probably sucked, we gave the edge to That’s My Boy. That movie came in 4th. 4th! You probably made more money last weekend than Adam Sandler did.
By:Ian Fortey|June 22, 2012
The Morning Jolt: BabyMakers
It's the guys from Broken Lizard and a plot to rob a sperm bank. Sign me up.
By:Ian Fortey|June 22, 2012
What Your Favorite Fetish Porn Genre Says About You
The internet has shown us that sex can be done in far more ways than the traditional style pioneered by missionaries and green grocers. In fact, our extensive research has shown there are like 10 kinds of sex, at least. One day we hope t try any of them. Until then, here’s a handy chart to let you know what any or all of those vaunted styles mean for their fans.
By:Ian Fortey|June 21, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Gary Oldman
Commissioner Gordon has a message for athletes.
By:Ian Fortey|June 21, 2012
6 Signs that Indicated Bill Murray was Not on Twitter
It came to light recently that the Bill_Murray Twitter account was not real. I was not in the loop on this as I recall seeing it some months ago and just assuming it was a fake account, having not been verified and sounding literally nothing like Bill Murray at all.
By:Ian Fortey|June 20, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Flesh Plant
I have some of these plants at my house right now.
By:Ian Fortey|June 20, 2012
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