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schwarz

The Morning Jolt: Schwarzenegger Commentary

Schnitzel!

By:|January 18, 2013


idol

The American Idol Recap: Part 1

Oh my Jesus. I’m doing this. Gird yourselves. OK, so this year the roster got shaken up and the old ladies of yesteryear are gone, replaced with Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey and Keith Urban. 100 years ago this panel would have just been a table of sideshow freaks. Like the Bird Girl, a guy who eats live chickens and someone with flippers.

By:|January 17, 2013


irish

The Morning Jolt: Irish News

I can’t prove this is real but I don’t care.

By:|January 17, 2013


walrus

Stop Yelling at Walruses: A PSA

I am a walrus. I frolic in the sea like a majestic fatty.

By:|January 16, 2013


pizza

The Morning Jolt: Domino’s Pan Pizza Review

I want to eat the shit out of this pizza. The pepperoni has a great taste to it. The sauce as well. And the cheese is very nice as well.

By:|January 16, 2013


turd

The Versatility of Turd

Ahh. The noble turd. Unloved. Overlooked. Shunted aside like so much shit. The turd is ever a stalwart companion in our vulgar lexicon. Not so robust as shit, not so juvenile as poop. Not as scholarly as feces or fecund as excrement. It is, simply, turd.

By:|January 15, 2013


taunt

The Morning Jolt: Classic Hockey Taunt

Man, I forgot all about this video. Camera guy, way to zoom in. You're a trooper.

By:|January 15, 2013


net

25 Things the Internet is Better Than

It’s 2013 and according to recent studies, everyone spends all the time on the internet. Everyone. All the time. Internet. But there’s also this curious notion people have been developing that they need to spend time away from the internet, doing things like reading or being alive. But is life away from the internet all it’s cracked up to be? Do you remember what you did before the internet? Ridiculous. Here’s 25 things the internet is way better than that happen out in the real world.

By:|January 14, 2013


wrog

The Morning Jolt: The Wrong Trailer

It's things like this that make me love movies.

By:|January 14, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 11th

Naturally I didn’t want a single movie that came out last week because they were all abhorrent in some way. This week looks less awful, but there’s a lot opening in limited release that looks extra awful to make up for it. I’m starting to think maybe Hollywood has a weekly quote of awful that needs to be managed. Oh well, on with the show.

By:|January 11, 2013


mouse

The Morning Jolt: How Not to Help Nature

Born Free!! As free as the wind blows! As free as the - oh crap!

By:|January 11, 2013


tweetrape

How to Be Wrong

As some of you know, I’m an avid Twat. Ha ha! I play with linguistics. But seriously, as part of my job, I’m on Twitter a lot and, unofficially, part of my job is to make fun of Donald Trump. I now present to you a series of tweets that resulted from me making fun of Trump’s gun control tweet.

By:|January 10, 2013


norm

The Morning Jolt: Norm

I've seen this countless times but it still makes me laugh. Suck it, Carrot Top.

By:|January 10, 2013


jack

When Boobs Go Bad

Any man on Earth with an interest in boobs (gay guys, go have a smoothie) can confirm that, at some point in time, in a conversation with a woman, you’ll be challenged with the spurious and confused notion that men just love boobs.

By:|January 9, 2013


club

The Morning Jolt: In Da Banjo Club

All the ladies in this club are missing teeth.

By:|January 9, 2013


jugg

The Juggalo Blues

Please start this video and turn your speakers on before continuing. Thank you.

By:|January 8, 2013


cruise

The Morning Jolt: F’ing Cruise

Man, I want to go to the high seas.

By:|January 8, 2013


cook

Celebrity Cook Off’s Rejected Team List

OH MY GOOD FREAKING GOD! If you’re like me, you’re still sitting in a puddle of your own excited fluids after last night’s intense premiere of Rachael vs Guy Celebrity Cook Off. Season one featured luminaries like Coolio and Joey Fatone but this season’s most famous contestant is Gilbert Gottfried.

By:|January 7, 2013


reb

The Morning Jolt: Rebel and Anna

This is months out of date and I don't care because Rebel Wilson makes me laugh.

By:|January 7, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 4th

It’s 2013 so finally we get to reset our “worst movie of the year” lists and see what Hollywood has in store. Will the very first Friday of 2013 start off with a bang? Ha ha, what are you, new here? If there’s a single week this year that features nothing but good movies, I will make out with Gary Busey (if I can catch him). On to the reviews!

By:|January 4, 2013