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UmmHey-Mom

Mom…I’m Gay

 Baseball To The Groin (TotalProSports)Footballs Hottest Campuses (BleacherReport)How To Hold an iPhone 4 (BuzzFeed)Silvana Martinez Hotness (GorillaMask)Colossal Cleavage Gallery (Coed)Dogs Will Be Dogs (TheChive)The Coolest Star Wars Products Ever (SuperTremendous)Beware This Porcupine (BroBible)Comic Con-Frontation (AdultSwim)This Dog Really Loves Batman (TotallyCrap)Court McGee And His Struggles (CagePotato)How To Avoid Bad Dinner Guests (MadeMan) 

By:|July 20, 2010


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25 Hilarious Videos of People Fainting

 You know what sucks about watching people faint?  Nothing, it's hilarious and awesome and we could watch it all day.  So let's do that.  

By:|July 20, 2010


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HolyTaco VS The Footlong Burger

This here is a very special guest article by Joe Donatelli.  He's a good man.  He's a hungry man.SANTA ANA, Calif. _ Everyone’s talking about the Carl’s Jr. footlong cheeseburger, but few people have actually seen one. There is a reason. The Carl’s Jr. footlong cheeseburger currently is in the “testing” phase, which in the chain restaurant business means “We want to see approximately how many people our new menu item kills at specific locations before we serve it to the rest of the country.”The 850-calorie mega-sandwich consists of three beef patties, three slices of cheese, ketchup, mustard, pickles and onions on a footlong white sub roll. According to USA Today it contains 20 grams of saturated fat. The burger costs $4.00 alone, $6.50 as a combo meal. There is a deluxe footlong cheeseburger option that has tomato and lettuce. It costs $4.50 ($7.00 combo). In addition to the Carl’s Jr. locations in Southern California, the footlong burger is available at some Hardee’s restaurants in Indiana. In the greater Los Angeles area, the Carl’s Jr. footlong cheeseburger is available at the Santa Ana location on South Harbor.I ate one. I was in Orange County this weekend visiting Disneyland. My girlfriend agreed to make a stop at the Santa Ana Carl’s Jr. with me. She graciously agreed to shoot the photos for this post. She has photographed food professionally, but never while it was being shoveled into the face of a stocky bald man in the throes of P90X guilt.

By:|July 20, 2010


Linda-Cardellini-Pictures

Linda Cardellini Pictures

  Where You've Seen Her: Linda Cardellini isn't the most well known actresses, but for those of us Freaks and Geeks (i.e. All of Us), we know exactly who she is.  Being a regular on the highly popular Freaks and Geeks, she was also in the even more popular ER.  But what really seals the deal is singing Push It while drunk in the cult classic Grandmas Boy, where I think we all really fell in love with her. Pointless Quote: :"I think everyone feels lost at times in their highschool years." 

By:|July 20, 2010


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Ahhhhhh Vegas

One Punch KO In Vegas Pool - Watch more Funny Videos Todays Pic Takes The Cake of All Pics (TotalProSports)  And Todays Bad Photoshop is...(WildAmmo) Derrick Rose Takes The Next Step (NQTC) The Most Influential Fighters of MMA History (IAmBored) Quizno's Loves Singing Kittens (BuzzFeed) Celebrities With No Makeup (CelebSlam) Hot Action Girl Ashley Hotness (GorillaMask) When Highschool Kids Have Fake Babies (TheChive) Beware Pedo Falkor (FunnyCrave) Shyamalan: Dickhead (FilmDrunk) Hot Girls Eating Hot Dogs Gallery (Coed) Todays NY Hottie is Jennifer (BarstoolSports) Hilary Fisher Hotness (Manofest) Marsha Thomason Hotness (Maxim) Inception Gets Pwned (Unreality) Hasselhoff Gets Roasted (PopCrunch) 5 Second Rule Shattered (Asylum) How To Write A Bromance (ScreenJunkies)  

By:|July 19, 2010


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Holy Taco Presents: Find the Ladies – Answers Revealed!

 Last week, we invited our readers to spot the women in the above picture.  The winner would receive a t-shirt or something.  We never really settled on what the prize would be because we knew there would be no winner.  The losers, we decided, would all be called gay.  Holy Taco readers, you're all gay.  Keep reading for a detailed breakdown of who's who in the above picture. The Dudes Obviously, anyone who doesn't have a number on their picture is a guy.  Those guys, clockwise from the top left are: Critically acclaimed actor and enthusiast of all things French, Johnny DeppOrlando Bloom, who is kind of like Johnny Depp for people with shitty taste in actorsSome dude dressed up as country singer Reba McEntireThai ladyboy kickboxer Nong TumBritish comic Eddie Izzard The Ladies Country singer Reba McEntireA picture of some random cute Asian chick we found on FlickrUnidentified woman, possibly one who loves the ladiesLeTigre keyboardist JD Samson And she's more man than you'll ever hope to be. 

By:|July 19, 2010


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Notes From The Jersey Shore Contract Negotiations

The cast of MTV’s smash hit representation of the downfall of the western world, Jersey Shore, has refused to shoot anymore scenes for their upcoming third season due to their dissatisfaction with their contracts. Holy Taco, with our infinitely impressive stable of spies in the entertainment world, has managed to get a hold of some notes scribbled down by the assistant to one of MTV legions of lawyers. The following is what is on those notes.

By:|July 19, 2010


holytaco

Fun with Linguistics: Grundle, Taint and Choda

Sometimes the difference between a night with an exotic lady full of adventure, good fortune and nipples and a night sleeping in a dumpster with a blanket made from rats and hobo scrotum is all in how you express yourself, the words you use and the amount of interest you have in sleeping under a hobo’s scrotum.Because of the vagaries of the English language, we’re fortunate enough to be deluged with all manner of silly linguistic shit like homonyms and synonyms. How do you know what word to use and when? You don’t, not without our help. Holy Taco is the Funk and/or Wagnall to your whatever the name of that dude Dustin Hoffman played in Rain Man is. Did that sentence even make sense? Yes, but we won’t tell you how or why. Instead, we’ll direct you to three of the most under appreciated words in our language – grundle, taint and choda. They all mean the same thing, or do they?

By:|July 19, 2010


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Holy Taco’s Facebook Enemy O’ the Week

The internet is a wild and dangerous place full of miscreants. Many of them are reading this along with you and we love them all because they’re our core audience. In celebration of the back alley that is Holy Taco and its wonderful fans, we’re giving our super fans, the people who go above and beyond the call of duty, the chance to be featured right here along such hallowed journalistic milestones like 25 Porn Parodies and the last Friend of the Week article we ran.This week we wanted to try something new and actually feature a dude, just to prove this spot isn't a poor excuse to get girls to send us photos. So we chose Adam Brown, a writer from Funnycrave.com, Cracked.com and right here at Holy Taco where he regularly contributes as a writer and editor. It seemed like a no brainer. And no brains was what we got.Thanks to Adam taking time off to go see a Justin Bieber concert, he skillfully missed the deadline and pretty much screwed this entire article by getting this in late with bullshit answers and pictures. And because, despite how foolish the site seems, we actually have a set schedule, we had to either run this or simply have a huge gap in our day. So without any further ado, here's this crap:

By:|July 19, 2010


holytaco

25 Videos of Stripper Pole Mishaps

 Stripper poles are not for everybody.  Ideally, they would just be for strippers, but we all know that isn't the case.  So then, maybe it would just be hot chicks that get to use them, right?  Nope.  We don't even show the stripper pole that much respect.  And now, the stripper pole is taking its revenge. 

By:|July 19, 2010


4 Things I Want to Michael Moore

As an idealistic youngster, I like and respect Michael Moore. I understand that every time he makes a movie, half the world takes up arms and points out that he forgot to cross a T or whatever and that maybe he eats puppies and that’s why he’s overweight, and it’s possible that he’s actually Satan’s liberal brother. He doesn’t tempt the righteous and punish the wicked, but he does leave crumbs in the bed and tries to convince you to order more fried chicken. Damn you, Satan’s brother! But that aside, I still like him.The way Moore makes movies is to take a topic that makes you uncomfortable if you’re rich and white, and kick the ever loving shit out of it. I can appreciate that, as a poor person, but I feel he’s not putting the maximum amount of effort into it. He’s covered capitalism, health care, school violence, 9/11 and Roger. But there’s more to the world than that, and far more that needs to be ham fistedly exposed in a one-sided yet poignant manner for its inherent chicanery. Fortunately, I’ve devised a list of topics I could easily Michael Moore if I had access to a budget, equipment and a lithe young sound woman who could make my voice sound less like Truman Capote with gas and more like a dude whose name is probably something awesome like Rock Longshank or Adam Smasher.

By:|July 19, 2010


holytaco

Don’t Mess With The Spanish Tauntaun

There's No Point Arguing With An Ibex - Watch more Funny Videos Snowball Fight with Randy Johnson (TotalProSports)Sports Babes With Nothing to Hide (BleacherReport)Behold The Woman With The Largest Breasts (BuzzFeed)Silvana Martinez Hotness (GorillaMask)Hot French Girls French Kissing (Coed)Hot Girls named Lyndsay (TheChive)The Coolest Star Wars Products Ever Made (SuperTremendous)History Lessons They Didn't Teach You in School (Cracked)Blake Lively: Tease (HollywoodTuna)Hot Girls on the Internets (DoubleViking)What You Dont Know About Bermuda (MadeMan)Bob Lashley vs Chad Griggs (CagePotato) 

By:|July 19, 2010


MILF-Monday-Angelina-Jolie

MILF Monday: Angelina Jolie

   Where You've Seen Her: We all know Angelina Jolie/Lara Croft/Crazy Biatch.  She's one of the most talked about women on the planet who's now to be in the new movie Salt that comes out this week.  Apparently she wanted her husband to have a cameo, but he couldn't cause he was with the kids, which translates to "I'm taking a crazy hot bitch break". MILF Status: Angelina and Brad have up to 5 kids now, including twins, and they plan on having more.  I'm betting she's going to name her next kid Salt. 

By:|July 19, 2010


holytaco

Sunday GIFS

Come with me if you want to GIF! 

By:|July 18, 2010


holytaco

Flow Chart to Determine if Your Are a Sex Addict

By:|July 17, 2010


Tetris-What-They-Never-Told-You

Tetris: What They Never Told You

 Larissa Riquelme has Inspired us All (TotalProSports) LeBron James and Dwayne Wade (NQTC) Best Depiction of Twilight Ever (WildAmmo) Beware Slaughter Dad (IAmBored) God of War -- The Movie? (BuzzFeed) Dont Mess with the Ibex (FunnyCrave) The Sexiest Aerobics of all Time (FilmDrunk) Jessica Canizales Hotness (GorillaMask) Dogs Being Dogs (TheChive) Knocked out With a Dildo (BarstoolSports) Homemaking Hotties Gallery (Coed) Anna Friel Hotness (Manofest) Marion Cottiard Hotness (Maxim) Steve Carrell and Paul Rudd...Sold (Unreality) Check Out The Due Date Trailer (PopCrunch) Idaho Men Like To Punch (Asylum) Inception Review (ScreenJunkies) 

By:|July 16, 2010


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Drunken Argument Friday: A Working iPhone 4 vs. The Chance to Punch Steve Jobs In the Face

 If there's one thing we like more than drinking, it's arguing about really important stuff, like if getting the chance to drill Steve Jobs with a fist to the face would be a sufficient resolution to the current iPhone 4 reception issues. Here's what it looks like when we do both at the same time: Drunken Argument that a Properly Functioning iPhone 4 Would Be Better: I don't know what you do with your day (actually I do, and it's gross), but I spend mine working.  So these iPhone reception issues have been a disaster.  I'm on the move all the time.  I need to be able to reach people and be reached at all times.  Writing internet comedy is serious business.  Remember when Lil' Wayne said something about "approving million dollar deals from my iPhone?"  Well, that's me, except replace "approving million dollar deals" with "writing dick jokes." 

By:|July 16, 2010


holytaco

The Art of Picking Your Butt in Public

 Hey, sometime you’ve just gotta clutch your fingers in to a claw-like position, reach them in you’re the outer anal walls, and give it a rough rubdown. Maybe you’re doing it pull out some undies that got sucked up there after you sneezed and there was this kind of suction effect that pulled them straight up your butt, or maybe you didn’t wipe very well after that morning poop and you’re kind of itchy – whatever your reason, it’s about time you learned the art of picking your butt in public.Most people just assume that when they’re surrounded by humans in a public area that any old butt picking method will do. One thing to keep in mind about this fact is that most people are idiots that you shouldn’t trust with a pair child safety scissors, let alone advice on probing your most sacred hole of poopdom. So, let us tell you how to do it. Consider Holy Taco your friendly neighborhood creepy guy that everyone on the block tries to avoid at all costs, but will occasionally have to visit because he’s filled with a bunch of genuinely good advice. On the matters of picking ass.So get your Purell ready, kids! You’re butt is about to get schooled in the art of picking! 

By:|July 16, 2010


holytaco

25 Pictures of Chicks Wrestling in Jello

 Whenever the subject of two chicks getting into an altercation comes up, inevitably, someone mentions wrestling.  Sometimes, it's suggested that they wrestle in mud.  But lately, Jello is usually the preferred method of lubrication.  Sounds sexy, right?  Yeah, it is...sometimes.  But as you'll see from this gallery, it's a hit or miss proposition.  

By:|July 16, 2010


Ill-Find-DroidsI-Swear

I’ll Find the Droids…I Swear!

 Cats Playing Soccer...Win (TotalProSports)The Craziest Japanese Athletes (BleacherReport)Mario is a real Bastard Sometimes (BuzzFeed)Silvana Martinez Hotness (GorillaMask)What You Cant Do After College (Coed)Olivia Wilde is Always Hot (TheChive)The Best Star Wars Products Ever Made (SuperTremendous)5 Bitter Truths about Chocolate (Cracked)Marisa Miller is Always Hot (HollywoodTuna)Hot Girls in the Internets (DoubleViking)Twin Cities Beer Tour (MadeMan)Mike Tyson is Still Nuts (CagePotato) 

By:|July 16, 2010


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