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The Morning Jolt: My Anus

Dude's anus was in a bit of trouble, then it got flattered out. Then it bled.

By:|March 25, 2013


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 22nd

I honestly never remember what I wrote about the week before without looking and this week I refused to check. I think last week Oz won again even though it opened the week before. Oh, Burt Wonderstone opened last week. Yeah, no one saw that. On the upside, I got the Hobbit on DVD, so that’s cool.

By:|March 22, 2013


The Morning Jolt: I Get Around

Feel good hit of the summer.

By:|March 22, 2013


5 Foods I Don’t Want to Eat from Etsy

Did I just write a whole week’s worth of food related articles for some reason? Yes I did. Go with it. Everyone eats, it’s relatable. That said, I found myself on Etsy looking for some crocheted nut warmers today and ran afoul of their food section.

By:|March 21, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Cup and Ball Trick

I like Penn and Teller because they'll do this for you and they don't put up with bullshit. Hence their show Bullshit.

By:|March 21, 2013


The Krazy Kraft Kuisine Kontrivance

It recently occurred to me that Kraft makes both Miracle Whip and Mac and Cheese, two foods that depress me to no end. Miracle Whip was invented as some kind of mayo knock off and tastes nothing like it, it just looks the same and I don’t even know what it’s for. Is it for sandwiches? It’s not good on sandwiches. Is it for salads? It’s not good in salads. And don’t you dare make dip out of it.

By:|March 20, 2013


The Morning Jolt: MinusIQ

The satire, it bites!

By:|March 20, 2013

canned food

The 4 Saddest Canned Foods Ever

This article needs to be clarified right off the bat. It’s not about gross canned foods, there are lots of those articles out there showing off pig brains and canned duck penis and who knows what else. This is focused on foods that are just depressing in the way that the person who eats them must cry in the shower a lot for seemingly no reason.

By:|March 19, 2013

pulled over

The Morning Jolt: Elmo Road Rage

is this guy doing an Antoine Dodson impression?

By:|March 19, 2013


25 Names For Your Future Mexican Restaurant

As you may have guessed, we have a love for tacos up in here. Taco Bell, Taco Del Mar, Taco…well, that’s all we know. But if a joint sells tacos, we respect them because they’re delicious in pretty much every way. That said, we need more Mexican restaurants out there.

By:|March 18, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Winter is Coming

Is this funny in any way? No. And I don't care. Game of the Thrones is awesome ans you're all invited to come over and watch it with me.

By:|March 18, 2013


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 15th

Last week audiences were whisked away to Oz and from the looks of things this week we’re about to be whisked away to a placed no one gives a shit about. Yeah, it’s another slow looking week of shrugs and turds but there may be one or two gems in there if you dig for them. That was a lazy metaphor befitting a lazy week of movies.

By:|March 15, 2013


The Morning Jolt: $90 Low Carb Bread Rage

This video seemed boring at first but when he cleaned that ketchup I couldn't stop laughing.

By:|March 15, 2013


My 25 Favorite People on Twitter

Twitter is the only social media platform I don’t hate.

By:|March 14, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Louis CK Has Nice Boots

Even a positive heckle is unwanted.

By:|March 14, 2013


What Your Sex Toy Says About You

Say, you like treating your body like an amusement park, right? Sure you do! It’s the reason we all have dongs and lady dongs, whatever those may be. But is there some secret to what rubber or plaster widget makes your gitch twitch? Is there a hidden language of love? A special sauce on …this paragraph makes no sense.

By:|March 13, 2013


The 7 Worst Films I Have Ever Seen

There’s much to be said about the “worst” thing ever. The worst band, worst food, worst TV show, worst venereal disease. It’s a whole thing and often is rife with hyperbole. I could right now say that Michael Bay makes the worst movies ever, but that is not true.

By:|March 12, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Paula Deen Slo Mo

This starts out slow but man, give it a chance.

By:|March 12, 2013


25 Things to do on Spring Break when you don’t get Spring Break

Spring Break is the domain of children and young adults whose chief responsibilities include beer and tits. Man, that’s awesome. But this will only work for a few years after which time you’re going to have to think up a new Spring Break plan of action. Maybe you need to consider that this year as, realistically, even a 24 or 25 year old at Spring Break is getting a little pervy. Here’s 25 things you may want to consider doing instead of heading down to Florida or Mexico.

By:|March 11, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Awards are Stupid

Jerry Seinfeld sums up awards in 5 minutes.

By:|March 11, 2013