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Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 8th

Last week I actually saw Jack the Giant Slayer and it should be used to teach future generations about mediocrity. I’m as sour as an old spinster when I write these, aren’t I? Just crusty and unhappy about everything. Curse you Hollywood, make stuff I can be happy about!

By:|March 8, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Ba’Noodle


By:|March 8, 2013


What’s the Deal with..?

You’ve likely heard the Seinfeldian line “what’s the deal with airplane peanuts?” before. It was in an episode of the show when George decided to shirk his duties helping Jerry upon reflecting that Jerry makes dumb jokes like “what’s the deal with airplane peanuts?” It was some self aware humor.

By:|March 7, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Booty Calls

I love David Koechner but man is he the opposite of sex.

By:|March 7, 2013


25 Things You Can Say To Your Dog but Not Your Date

Just to clarify, we’re not saying you can’t say these things, just maybe never on a first date until you’ve established some kind of proper rapport that supports such things. Also, last minute edit, I’m told I lifted this idea from Whose Line is it Anyway, which I very well may have done. But it still made me laugh, so apologies if I actually plagiarized any of these.

By:|March 6, 2013


The Morning Jolt: The Day the Earth Stopped…

Not sure prison would be the best place for offenders of this nature.

By:|March 6, 2013


8 Characters You Need in a Wes Anderson Film

Because I watched Moonrise Kingdom the other day and realized Wes Anderson has a wide/limited vision of filmmaking, let’s examine what goes into a Wes Anderson character. He makes quirky, critically adored movies that are chock full of thoughtful moments, funny characters and people who don’t really exist in real life.

By:|March 5, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Average Party

Aww yeah, it's an average party, y'all!

By:|March 5, 2013


15 of our Best Tweets to Donald Trump

This past weekend, Holy Taco's twitter was recognized for its contribution to the belittling and hatred of Donald Trump, because it's a hobby we can all get behind. Now if you don't follow me on twitter (you should) you may have missed out on the routine hatred I share with ol' Donny. So, to get you a little more up to date on what I share with Trump, here's 14 more choice selections. Seriously, follow HT on Twitter.

By:|March 4, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Bees vs Hornet

This video isn't funny, it's the fury of nature and gets crazy at about 1:10.

By:|March 4, 2013


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 1st

Last week was all snitches and dark skies and who cares about any of that? No one, that’s who. Movies this time of year seem kind of lazy overall, like everyone knows the summer movie season is on the way, which really starts in May, so it’s like no one cares right now. Winter? Screw that. This week I’m not entirely convinced is much better but hey, it’s not like I saw any of these yet.

By:|March 1, 2013


The Morning Jolt: The Ultimate Goat Mega Mix

Ever wonder who puts these videos together? People like me! Not me specifically, but people like me.

By:|March 1, 2013


The Greatest Cruise of all Time!

Have you ever been on a cruise? After last week’s Carnival poop debacle they’re probably not high on your to do list but that’s only because you don’t know about the life changing event I’m about to tell you about. You better go pee first then meet me back here in the next paragraph.

By:|February 28, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Freedom of Speech

Don't ever let the man push you around.

By:|February 28, 2013


6 Awards We’d Rather See

Awards season is just wrapping up after the debacle of the Grammys and the Oscars and everything else no one really wants to see because it’s boring and self indulgent and all we do is bitch every year on Twitter and Facebook and, I dunno, Instagram? I don’t use that shit

By:|February 27, 2013


The Morning Jolt: If This is Light Beer

I never saw this before. It's good.

By:|February 27, 2013


The 6 Worst Chocolates Ever

Usually I try to stray from personal pieces in my writing, unless it’s an article about Fleshlights and I assume you’d all be interested in knowing what my wang is up to. But this one, I feel, is an important educational piece, a public service, if you will, that explores a dark, terrible secret in society.

By:|February 26, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Skrillex Goats

The reign of goats shall continue!

By:|February 26, 2013

21 and Over

21 and Over Caption Contest

Hey kids, do you like the parties and the booze and the funny movies, or at least one of those three things? Sure you do and if you said no, may I direct you to Better Homes and Gardens where nancies like you can learn how to knit a knitting bag. Isn’t that meta lame? So lame.

By:|February 25, 2013


The Morning Jolt: Miley vs Goat


By:|February 25, 2013