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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 8th

Oh man, remember last week? There was a zombie movie and a Stallone movie and they weren’t the same thing. I have nothing else to say about that. This week is what we in the industry call “a mixed bag” and by bag I obviously mean nutsack. Let’s get to it!

By:|February 8, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Panda Strut

This is both short and awesome.

By:|February 8, 2013


The Losers movie poster entire cast

What Happened to That Guy: 5 Squandered Potentials

Hollywood is a weird place. I can say this with authority as I’ve been there on two separate occasions and once I spent a lot of time drinking. It’s built on piles of money all devoted to the seemingly arbitrary art of film, to making new Fast and Furious movies, and giving Yoda a solo movie.

By:|February 7, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: A Little Pot

I had a little pot once but my ex stole it. Now I just use a waffle iron.

By:|February 7, 2013


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25 Things the Canadian Penny Can Do Now That It’s Retired

Canada has finally done what everyone with a pocketful of pennies looking for a quarter has wanted to do for ages – they’ve abolished the little copper shit. No longer will Canadians be forced to deal with pennies and the tight asses will forever lament how something that should be 8 cents will now be rounded up to a dime. But now that the penny is retired, what can it do? Lots!

By:|February 6, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: I Have a Bad Case

Confirmed by 3 chicks working out.

By:|February 6, 2013


ice

What Your Cliché Tattoo Says About You

Some years ago we ventured to tell you what your tattoo said about you, but times have changed and so have tattoos. Miami Ink, LA Ink, Ink Masters, Tattoo Nightmares and a solid 100 other shows about tattoos have permeated the airwaves. Everyone and their taint bleacher has a tattoo now. Times and perceptions have changed and cliché tattoos are waaaaaay more cliché now. It’s time to take another look at some ink and see what we can see.

By:|February 5, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: The Look of Surprise

Just another day in court. But the last 15 seconds is pretty hilarious.

By:|February 5, 2013


horror

The 5 Best Places to Set a Horror Movie

A horror movie fan is more passionate than any other kind of movie fan and I’ll tell you why – we wallow in disappointment. No other film genre so routinely suffers from disappointing films as horror.

By:|February 4, 2013


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The Mornign Jolt: Old Milwaukee

Possibly the best commercial of the Superbowl.

By:|February 4, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Feb 1st

January is finally over and with it, all bad movies. Ha ha! No, of course not, every week is bad movies with like three good ones a month. It’s a crap shoot. Which one is worth seeing? It’s hard to tell, especially if you guy by what I write since the whole basis of this is that I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about.

By:|February 1, 2013


asians

The Morning Jolt: No Asians

They come from Agia.

By:|February 1, 2013


fart

The Definitive List of Fart Euphemisms

Farting. It’s the single funniest thing a person can do. Don’t Google it, don’t debate, don’t even bother trying to think of something funnier. There’s nothing. But the problem with farting, if there is one, is that it may be too funny. It’s too awesome. So awesome, in fact, that there are hundreds upon hundreds of euphemism for them.

By:|January 31, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Dems Fightin Werds

Junkie bastards.

By:|January 31, 2013


idol

American Idol Recap: The Finale

I know what you’re thinking – “Ian, can I undress and feed you chicken wings?” The answer is a resounding yes. And while we do that let me explain something to you – American Idol is, as far as I know, still on TV. I set out this year with a mission, and by that I mean I caught the first episode of American Idol’s new season on a whim and decided I would do episode recaps for you.

By:|January 30, 2013


james1

The Morning Jolt: R Kelly As He Was Meant To Be

Forget that pederast, golden-shower enthusiast. This guy's much better.

By:|January 30, 2013


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25 Things That Make You an Objectively Bad Person

Listen, I’m no expert on life, love and how things work, but I’m probably more qualified to make decisions about those things than a large percentage of the world. I base this belief on my powers of observation and the fact I’ve witnessed so many idiots in life I’m pretty confident I’m kind of amazing. By virtue of the fact you’re literate and reading this, you’re probably ahead of the game, too.

By:|January 29, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Lightning

The appropriate response to lightning.

By:|January 29, 2013


cards

The 5 Worst Card Games Found Online

Playing cards have existed since the Tang Dynasty in China, Tang being the most awesome and party-filled Dynasty of them all. Since that time they’ve evolved into one of the most timeless, reliable and fun ways to pass the time.

By:|January 28, 2013


chop

The Morning Jolt: Miami Blackhawks

Ok, so the official story here is that military Blackhawk helicopters, police vehicles and boats are all doing a training operation in downtown Miami. So the Military is training with local police, blocking off major highways and firing blanks at the highway in the middle of the night. But it's just training. They are not trolling conspiracy theorists in any way.

By:|January 28, 2013


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