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The Morning Jolt: A Thousand Elephants

You know, that really was elegant.

By:|October 22, 2012


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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 19th

The only thing you need to know about last week is how poorly Here Comes the Boom did, which is at it should be, because that movie must obviously suck. Kevin James is funny in the way being shot but not fatally is funny. This week another stalwart of shit is hitting the theaters, but this one pretends to be scary instead of funny. Let’s look.

By:|October 19, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Paranormal Activity

I will keep telling you that Paranormal Activity sucks until everyone listens.

By:|October 19, 2012


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The Comedy Expendables

The Expendables has proven that a franchise can ride on the strength of washed up action star, so arguably the same could be true of comedy stars. But who? And how? And in what capacity? Relax, I got this.

By:|October 18, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Please Don’t Swear

Just need to get through this segment with no on-air swearing.

By:|October 18, 2012


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What the Hell is Etsy?

I’m going to be honest, I work on the internet, I’m on a computer for like 15 hours a day but there’s some shit I still know nothing about in any meaningful way. I have never actually been to SomethingAwful.com. I didn’t know what Gangnam Style or Carly Rae Jepsen were for months after they got popular.

By:|October 17, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Fatty Boom Boom

Keeping up with our tradition of posting every single new thing Die Antwoord does.

By:|October 17, 2012


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Did You Know: The Tall Man is the Worst Horror Movie Ever

Jessica Biel and I are probably destined to be a couple and have a very passionate relationship and that’s why it pains me to write this article, but something needs to be done. I recently watched her movie The Tall Man and I am still unsettled.

By:|October 16, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Fox News Detroit

FOX is an abomination unto the Earth, but this dude may be one of the best reporters ever Did he just wake up? Is he drunk? He's awesome. He also eats catfood.

By:|October 16, 2012


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Movember Approaches and You Can Win Swag!

It’s that time of year again when the moustaches get all aflutter rin support of men’s health and we once again petition you to register for the Break and Friends Movemeber Team.

By:|October 15, 2012


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What’s in Store for Your Favorite Walking Dead Character This Season?

It’s a brand new season of the Walking Dead and that means one cool zombie per every 5 episodes or Lori whining and Carl wandering. No wait, I’m being cynical. Let’s be open minded. This season has the prison, Michonne and the Governor, for those who know what any of those mean. If you don’t, then you may be in for a treat. As long as no one screws it up.

By:|October 15, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Slow Churned

Just like Grandma used to make.

By:|October 15, 2012


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Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: October 12th

Taken 2 owned the box office last week despite every critic hating that movie with a fierce passion. What they didn’t know, however, was that everyone loves Liam Neeson. They really do. He was Oscar Schindler, for God’s sake. Don’t even try to compete with that. Anyway, on to the new stuff.

By:|October 12, 2012


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Celebrate Pie Season with Pie

Fall is in full swing and if you live in a part of the world in which leaves turn colors, they turned colored. Some people find that beautiful. For the rest of us it means we have to rake the damn lawn again. Oh good, the tree shat everywhere. Wonderful.

By:|October 11, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Locked in the Bathroom

Totally worth it just for the Bane scene.

By:|October 11, 2012


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G vs E

Reading. No eye contact. G: Have you been sending letters out recently? E: Yes, I have been catching up on my correspondence, why do you ask?

By:|October 10, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Knifeball

Is Q about queefs in any way?

By:|October 10, 2012


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It’s Moldy Cheese Day

If you look hard enough you can find out that pretty much every day is something day. National Underpants Day, Kiss a Hobo Day, Rub One Out on Luke Perry’s Coat Day and today, October 9th, is Moldy Cheese Day. Did you celebrate yet?!?

By:|October 9, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: The Love Sponge

This lady is stoked for sponges, yo.

By:|October 9, 2012


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The Story of Canadian Thanksgiving

Today is Canadian Thanksgiving and you may be wondering, why are Canadians allowed outside? You may also be wondering why their Thanksgiving is so damned early and, for that matter, did Canadian pilgrims land somewhere a month earlier and do the exact same turkey dinner thing that American pilgrims did?

By:|October 8, 2012