Terrible News For Nerds: Jocks Are Actually Smart
High school is a trying time for some, and the best of times for others. As the old stereotype goes, the jocks are dumb and the nerds will inherit the earth. But science has proven at least one of those stereotypes wrong.
By:Luis Prada|April 5, 2012
The GIF Hole
Don't you hate it when you go to a game and the guy in front of you is also wearing a green, stretchy full body stocking?
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2012
Pitching 5 New Shows to TLC
If you know anything about me it’s that I start a lot of articles with this joke. But you may also know I have a fascination with TLC, the one-time Learning Channel. Like KFC when they dropped “chicken” from the name and started using possum meat (allegedly), TLC had to drop the learning moniker when it became clear their audience was made up of people whose IQs were just rolling back like an odometer at a shady autobody joint.
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Google Glasses
Ahh, Google glasses. Probably nothing like this.
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2012
The GIF Hole
Oh, GIFS, you're so animated. But yeah, that dolphin's totally ramming that person.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2012
Troll Hunter: Arizona Wants Ban Internet Trolling
Internet trolls suck. Trolls can make the internet really fun. Both of those opinions have some truth to them, like most things in life. So, what does Arizona want to do? Screw’em all and start making it illegal to troll on the internet in any way, shape, or form, simply because someone might get offended. They’re doing this as a part of Arizona’s new “We Don’t Understand How The World Works And We’re Frightened By Change” initiative that aims to make Arizona the perfect state for old people that think ethnic people were born out of the bacteria crapped out by white people and the human race should have stopped innovating when we created the telegraph.
By:Luis Prada|April 4, 2012
The Walking Carl: Chapter 1
Dear Diary, Dad’s pretty angry with everyone right now. I think it’s because everyone seems to be a dipshit but I can’t be sure (I’m Carl, after all). We had to leave the farm after dad and I accidentally lead the entire undead population of Georgia to Mr. Herschel’s farm. Even Mr. Herschel’s extremely well loaded shotgun couldn’t keep them all away, there were just that many. I suggested we all go for a walk in the woods, it seems to keep me out of trouble when stuff is going on, but I don’t think anyone heard me over all the screaming. It’s sad that some people died, too, but it’s also weird that none of us knew their names.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Zombie Ass (NSFW)
I guess this is a real thing. I want to think it's insane and awesome, but I bet I couldn't sit through the whole thing.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2012
It’s a Prank Contest! (The contest is not a prank)
Do you like the pranks? Check this contest out!
By:Ian Fortey|April 3, 2012
A Breakdown Of Vince Neil’s Commercial For His New Las Vegas Strip Club
Low budget commercials are one of the many things the internet feeds off of. If you had a silly low budget commercial featuring a man screaming in the face of a cute kitten about the low prices of his mattresses, Youtube servers would shut down and global work productivity would screech to a halt. On March 30th, the world was given yet another low budget local commercial, but this one has some star power behind hit: Vince Neil, lead singer of Motley Crue. And this isn’t a commercial for just any mom-and-pop local business – this is for Girls, Girls, Girls, Vince Neil’s very own strip club.
By:Luis Prada|April 3, 2012
Saving the Lives of Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy: A Proposal
Fact: Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy were both funny men. You can argue that this is not fact and to you I say “wrong” and then you respond with “Holy taco, you are right. You’re always right,” and look, here it is published for all time and if people Google it they will see that you agreed so let’s not even get off on the wrong foot with an argument.
By:Ian Fortey|April 3, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Pick Your Time to Beat this Kid
Seriously, at what point in time would you have just started bouncing this kid's head off the window?
By:Ian Fortey|April 3, 2012
The Dangers of Being Socially Awkward
Our friends at Stick It In The What have released another fantastic sketch, this time on the subject of loosing your shit when someone dares to make you feel awkward by talking to you.
By:Luis Prada|April 2, 2012
The Day I Met Nicolas Cage
If you’ve followed my writing closely in the past, and you have for fear of punishment, then you are aware I have brushes with celebrities the same way hobos have brushes with sanity – those stark, unpredictable moments when sense almost creeps into their thought processes and then it’s back to masturbating in a dumpster. Yes, I have rubbed elbows with Ray Liotta, and rubbed other things with Peter Weller, as well as 80’s pop sensation Tiffany, and 90’s smut-based cartoon Li’l Kim. Well I’ve saved the best for last, this being last in chronological order compared to those others, though if you read this after my next one it will be second last, and this whole paragraph will end on this poorly thought out and awkwardly structured note.
By:Ian Fortey|April 2, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Ted
Not everyone loves Seth McFarlane. We do. And this is why.
By:Ian Fortey|April 2, 2012
Was Rick Santorum About To Say The N-Word?
Just before I went to bed last night, I came across a minor news story that seemed like it could develop in to a major news story. Some are claiming that republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum may have used the N-word while talking about Barack Obama during a campaign speech. Without having read the story or watching the video, I fell asleep thinking it was simply a case of Santorum opponents freaking out over something that never even happened, just to make him look bad. I’m no Santorum fan, but there’s no way he could have used the N-word when talking about a black person. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. And then I woke up and watched the video, which you can see below:
By:Luis Prada|March 30, 2012
Please Stop Pole Dancing, Dad
Hey Dad, Hope you're not totally caught off guard by this letter, but there's an issue that myself and the rest of the family have to bring to your attention. It's about your pole dancing. We've been supporting you for long enough, but we can no longer remain quiet about this.
By:Jim Tews|March 30, 2012
I Now Irrationally Fear Sneezing So Hard That I Break My Neck
I have a few irrational fears. For example, I fear walking on a side walk beside a busy road and someone blazing down the street in their car going 65 MPH hangs out the window and chucks a brick at my head. I developed this fear as a child while walking home from school. It’s entirely irrational. I’ve never heard of that happening to anyone. It was something I dreamed up once, immediately became terrified of it, and never let it go – rationality be damned. I can be a 87-year old failure that lives with my mom’s ashes in the home I was raised in, never having done anything with my life other than writing stuff that lets people slack off at work, but if no one ever tossed a speeding brick at my head at any point, I win the game of life.
By:Luis Prada|March 29, 2012
UPDATE: The Duggars Are Still Weird and Gross
You guys remember the Duggars, right? Of course you do. How could you forget about America's fastest reproducing family? Mama Duggar is once again publicly defending her choice to have way too many kids! This time she's made it her mission to remind everyone that the earth can't have enough children, and that Earth's overcrowding is just a myth. Apparently, Mama Duggar has never been to Manhattan. That's where I am as I type this, and I'm doing it from a coffee shop while sitting on a man's shoulders, and my elbows are touching the peoples' on either side of me, because they too are stacked on top of other people, but I shouldn't complain, this Starbucks isn't even that busy.
By:Jim Tews|March 29, 2012
Daily Links
Best of Taco
Holy links
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