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Upcycle Your Broken Mobile Phone Parts into Survival Tools

You know how sometimes when you go hiking you get attacked by a mountain lion or a clan of inbreds and you hurl your phone in a fit of ill-planned panic and now you can't call for help and your phone is broken? Well don't lost hope just yet, turns out you can use your phone parts to do some amazing things. After all, even the best cell phones can only do so much when used as they were intended. But busted up you can be all MacGyver with them.

By:|January 25, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 25th

It’s a brand new week at the ass end of January where few people try hard when it comes to films. Is that unfair? Not really. On the upside there’s a movie I actually want to see coming out this week. In limited release. Listen, limited release, you can suck a fart bag. No one likes limited release. Go hard or go home, cowards.

By:|January 25, 2013


tars

The Morning Jolt: The Tarsier

I have that lizard book around here somewhere.

By:|January 25, 2013


MMSHEAD

Why Terrell Mims: Plagiarist Doesn’t Get It

Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to be saturated in douche. Terrell Mims has resurfaced. Back in 2011 Holy Taco helped out him as a word thief, a man building his reputation on lies and deceit, copying the work of other authors (from huge, well known websites) and passing it off as his own.

By:|January 24, 2013


louis

The Morning Jolt: Do Her Louis

She's like a confusingly attractive Bobby Hill who wants to bang Louis CK. Gonna be honest, I'd watch.

By:|January 24, 2013


home

When Internet People Make Fake Vaginas

As you know, I have a history of reviewing Fleshlights in non sexy ways. I mean, obviously you can hump one, but what else is it good for? That’s always been my point of view. But what are other people out there doing? I know that there are a lot of sites that describe methods of making your own homemade Fleshlight substitute, but what kind of advice are these guys giving each other?

By:|January 23, 2013


ck

The Morning Jolt: Louis CK and History

Normally I'd never post a Tonight Show clip but it's Louis, man!

By:|January 23, 2013


watch

Holy Taco Field Guide to Naming Groups of People

Crows come in a murder. Everyone is instantly amused when they learn this. Boars come in a sounder. Otters in a romp. Porcupines in a prickle. It’s no end of amusement to look up stuff like so long as you never question how this is official in any way or who decided on such names. But once you’ve exhausted the hilarity of groups of animals, what’s left?

By:|January 22, 2013


suds

The Morning Jolt: Shiny Suds

I don't know how I missed this commercial but it's pretty much awesome. Now use the loofah.

By:|January 22, 2013


idol

The American Idol Recap: Part 2

Once again I refuse to write anything down for about 20 minutes. Nicki Minaj is dressed like a gay leopard Sky Captain. I’m stating officially, right now, that I will not be able to continue this for a whole season. Why is this show on for another two hours the day after it was already on? This shit is going to be on the site on Monday because I have something else to put on on Friday.

By:|January 21, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 18th

It’s a new week and new contenders for the throne have reared their ugly heads. Who’s currently on the throne? Zero Dark Thirty, I think. I could look but what am I, a looker? Pfft.

By:|January 18, 2013


schwarz

The Morning Jolt: Schwarzenegger Commentary

Schnitzel!

By:|January 18, 2013


idol

The American Idol Recap: Part 1

Oh my Jesus. I’m doing this. Gird yourselves. OK, so this year the roster got shaken up and the old ladies of yesteryear are gone, replaced with Nicki Minaj, Mariah Carey and Keith Urban. 100 years ago this panel would have just been a table of sideshow freaks. Like the Bird Girl, a guy who eats live chickens and someone with flippers.

By:|January 17, 2013


irish

The Morning Jolt: Irish News

I can’t prove this is real but I don’t care.

By:|January 17, 2013


walrus

Stop Yelling at Walruses: A PSA

I am a walrus. I frolic in the sea like a majestic fatty.

By:|January 16, 2013


pizza

The Morning Jolt: Domino’s Pan Pizza Review

I want to eat the shit out of this pizza. The pepperoni has a great taste to it. The sauce as well. And the cheese is very nice as well.

By:|January 16, 2013


turd

The Versatility of Turd

Ahh. The noble turd. Unloved. Overlooked. Shunted aside like so much shit. The turd is ever a stalwart companion in our vulgar lexicon. Not so robust as shit, not so juvenile as poop. Not as scholarly as feces or fecund as excrement. It is, simply, turd.

By:|January 15, 2013


taunt

The Morning Jolt: Classic Hockey Taunt

Man, I forgot all about this video. Camera guy, way to zoom in. You're a trooper.

By:|January 15, 2013


net

25 Things the Internet is Better Than

It’s 2013 and according to recent studies, everyone spends all the time on the internet. Everyone. All the time. Internet. But there’s also this curious notion people have been developing that they need to spend time away from the internet, doing things like reading or being alive. But is life away from the internet all it’s cracked up to be? Do you remember what you did before the internet? Ridiculous. Here’s 25 things the internet is way better than that happen out in the real world.

By:|January 14, 2013


wrog

The Morning Jolt: The Wrong Trailer

It's things like this that make me love movies.

By:|January 14, 2013


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