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review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 11th

Naturally I didn’t want a single movie that came out last week because they were all abhorrent in some way. This week looks less awful, but there’s a lot opening in limited release that looks extra awful to make up for it. I’m starting to think maybe Hollywood has a weekly quote of awful that needs to be managed. Oh well, on with the show.

By:|January 11, 2013


mouse

The Morning Jolt: How Not to Help Nature

Born Free!! As free as the wind blows! As free as the - oh crap!

By:|January 11, 2013


tweetrape

How to Be Wrong

As some of you know, I’m an avid Twat. Ha ha! I play with linguistics. But seriously, as part of my job, I’m on Twitter a lot and, unofficially, part of my job is to make fun of Donald Trump. I now present to you a series of tweets that resulted from me making fun of Trump’s gun control tweet.

By:|January 10, 2013


norm

The Morning Jolt: Norm

I've seen this countless times but it still makes me laugh. Suck it, Carrot Top.

By:|January 10, 2013


jack

When Boobs Go Bad

Any man on Earth with an interest in boobs (gay guys, go have a smoothie) can confirm that, at some point in time, in a conversation with a woman, you’ll be challenged with the spurious and confused notion that men just love boobs.

By:|January 9, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: In Da Banjo Club

All the ladies in this club are missing teeth.

By:|January 9, 2013


jugg

The Juggalo Blues

Please start this video and turn your speakers on before continuing. Thank you.

By:|January 8, 2013


cruise

The Morning Jolt: F’ing Cruise

Man, I want to go to the high seas.

By:|January 8, 2013


cook

Celebrity Cook Off’s Rejected Team List

OH MY GOOD FREAKING GOD! If you’re like me, you’re still sitting in a puddle of your own excited fluids after last night’s intense premiere of Rachael vs Guy Celebrity Cook Off. Season one featured luminaries like Coolio and Joey Fatone but this season’s most famous contestant is Gilbert Gottfried.

By:|January 7, 2013


reb

The Morning Jolt: Rebel and Anna

This is months out of date and I don't care because Rebel Wilson makes me laugh.

By:|January 7, 2013


review

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 4th

It’s 2013 so finally we get to reset our “worst movie of the year” lists and see what Hollywood has in store. Will the very first Friday of 2013 start off with a bang? Ha ha, what are you, new here? If there’s a single week this year that features nothing but good movies, I will make out with Gary Busey (if I can catch him). On to the reviews!

By:|January 4, 2013


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The Morning Jolt: Worst Video of 2013

Well, it didn't take long to find the worst music video of 2013. What the hell is this chick thinking? Her awkwardly smutty lyrics really don't go with her curious 1989 wardrobe choices at all. And that dude...oh man.

By:|January 4, 2013


holiday 2013

The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013

Well it’s a brand new year and that means brand new stuff is going to happen, right? Wrong. Nothing new has happened since 1990 with the release of U Can’t Touch This which ushered in an era of white kids trying to rap.

By:|January 3, 2013


dance

The Morning Jolt: Principal’s Office

Everything here is too close. TOO CLOSE!

By:|January 3, 2013


futue

The Future is Not in 2013

Well, it’s 2013. You officially live in the world of tomorrow. Is it everything you hoped it would be? Don’t answer that because it’s not. It’s such a load of crap and we all know it. Let us now vent out disgust over all the ways the future has let us down.

By:|January 2, 2013


Norris-facepalm-gangnam-style

OMG it’s 2013 GIFS!

Happy New Year everyone. Here are 2013 GIFs for you. If the number is a bit off, blame it on the homemade schnapps I drank last night.

By:|January 1, 2013


ball

25 Better Things To Do That Watching New Year’s Rockin’ Eve

Dick Clark, host of New Years Rockin’ Eve since 1864, died in April 2012. ABC has opted to continue their New Years tradition without Clark, instead having Ryan Seacrest, Fergie and Jenny McCarthy as hosts.

By:|December 31, 2012


god

The Morning Jolt: God Bless America

Head into the new year with this in your head.

By:|December 31, 2012


review

Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Dec 28th

This is it, this is the end of 2012. What cinematic gems does this week hold, what final messages shall we carry onto a new yea as arbitrarily determined by calendar makers some years ago? This shit!

By:|December 28, 2012


sausage

The Morning Jolt: News Bloopers of 2012

You had me at sausage competition.

By:|December 28, 2012


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