Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 11th
Naturally I didn’t want a single movie that came out last week because they were all abhorrent in some way. This week looks less awful, but there’s a lot opening in limited release that looks extra awful to make up for it. I’m starting to think maybe Hollywood has a weekly quote of awful that needs to be managed. Oh well, on with the show.
By:Ian Fortey|January 11, 2013
The Morning Jolt: How Not to Help Nature
Born Free!! As free as the wind blows! As free as the - oh crap!
By:Ian Fortey|January 11, 2013
How to Be Wrong
As some of you know, I’m an avid Twat. Ha ha! I play with linguistics. But seriously, as part of my job, I’m on Twitter a lot and, unofficially, part of my job is to make fun of Donald Trump. I now present to you a series of tweets that resulted from me making fun of Trump’s gun control tweet.
By:Ian Fortey|January 10, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Norm
I've seen this countless times but it still makes me laugh. Suck it, Carrot Top.
By:Ian Fortey|January 10, 2013
When Boobs Go Bad
Any man on Earth with an interest in boobs (gay guys, go have a smoothie) can confirm that, at some point in time, in a conversation with a woman, you’ll be challenged with the spurious and confused notion that men just love boobs.
By:Ian Fortey|January 9, 2013
The Morning Jolt: In Da Banjo Club
All the ladies in this club are missing teeth.
By:Ian Fortey|January 9, 2013
The Juggalo Blues
Please start this video and turn your speakers on before continuing. Thank you.
By:Ian Fortey|January 8, 2013
Celebrity Cook Off’s Rejected Team List
OH MY GOOD FREAKING GOD! If you’re like me, you’re still sitting in a puddle of your own excited fluids after last night’s intense premiere of Rachael vs Guy Celebrity Cook Off. Season one featured luminaries like Coolio and Joey Fatone but this season’s most famous contestant is Gilbert Gottfried.
By:Ian Fortey|January 7, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Rebel and Anna
This is months out of date and I don't care because Rebel Wilson makes me laugh.
By:Ian Fortey|January 7, 2013
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Jan 4th
It’s 2013 so finally we get to reset our “worst movie of the year” lists and see what Hollywood has in store. Will the very first Friday of 2013 start off with a bang? Ha ha, what are you, new here? If there’s a single week this year that features nothing but good movies, I will make out with Gary Busey (if I can catch him). On to the reviews!
By:Ian Fortey|January 4, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Worst Video of 2013
Well, it didn't take long to find the worst music video of 2013. What the hell is this chick thinking? Her awkwardly smutty lyrics really don't go with her curious 1989 wardrobe choices at all. And that dude...oh man.
By:Ian Fortey|January 4, 2013
The Stories You’ll Hate in 2013
Well it’s a brand new year and that means brand new stuff is going to happen, right? Wrong. Nothing new has happened since 1990 with the release of U Can’t Touch This which ushered in an era of white kids trying to rap.
By:Ian Fortey|January 3, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Principal’s Office
Everything here is too close. TOO CLOSE!
By:Ian Fortey|January 3, 2013
The Future is Not in 2013
Well, it’s 2013. You officially live in the world of tomorrow. Is it everything you hoped it would be? Don’t answer that because it’s not. It’s such a load of crap and we all know it. Let us now vent out disgust over all the ways the future has let us down.
By:Ian Fortey|January 2, 2013
OMG it’s 2013 GIFS!
Happy New Year everyone. Here are 2013 GIFs for you. If the number is a bit off, blame it on the homemade schnapps I drank last night.
By:Ian Fortey|January 1, 2013
25 Better Things To Do That Watching New Year’s Rockin’ Eve
Dick Clark, host of New Years Rockin’ Eve since 1864, died in April 2012. ABC has opted to continue their New Years tradition without Clark, instead having Ryan Seacrest, Fergie and Jenny McCarthy as hosts.
By:Ian Fortey|December 31, 2012
The Morning Jolt: God Bless America
Head into the new year with this in your head.
By:Ian Fortey|December 31, 2012
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Dec 28th
This is it, this is the end of 2012. What cinematic gems does this week hold, what final messages shall we carry onto a new yea as arbitrarily determined by calendar makers some years ago? This shit!
By:Ian Fortey|December 28, 2012
The Morning Jolt: News Bloopers of 2012
You had me at sausage competition.
By:Ian Fortey|December 28, 2012
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