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The Amazing World of Judith Vigna

Children’s books generally fall into one of three categories; they’re either goofy and pointless, simplistic versions of adult stories or they’re education disguised as entertainment. Nearly any kids book you can think of can be categorized in those ways

By:|November 28, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Weber Cooks


By:|November 28, 2012


The Worst Thing Ever

I want you to look at something and know that it’s not my fault. I didn’t do this. I wouldn’t do this. But it’s a thing that happened and I never knew about it until just now, two years after the fact. Just look.

By:|November 27, 2012


The Morning Jolt: The Spider Warrior

Is the est part of this video that Beardo has a meltdown over a spider? That he uses brass knuckles? Or the very end? It's hard to decide. Let's ask mom. Mom? MOM!

By:|November 27, 2012


Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead Recap (S3 E7)

Poor Glenn, captured by Merle and ready to be tortured or whatever. And Glenn’s a pussy so you know this isn’t going to end well. I don’t mean that in a mean way, he’s heroic in a sneaky way. But like, face to face heroics? Nah.

By:|November 26, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Rockin for Russia


By:|November 26, 2012


Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: Nov. 23

Most movies this week came out on Wednesday instead of Friday because Black Friday cannot be interrupted for any reason and we’re all disgusting people. God forbid you can’t stream into Best Buy like pigs being let into a feeding pen so you can get $50 off of a TV you don’t need because let’s be honest, the people who camp out to get TVs clearly already have plenty of TVs at home, and probably a lot of Slim Jims.

By:|November 23, 2012


Thanksgiving for Cool Kids

So Thanksgiving is here and you don’t want to cook a turkey. Do you have a turkey? Well hey, maybe you should also go get some sweet and sour tongue and maybe cabbage soup because your dinner is already shit on a plate, no need to put in any more effort or anything is there, Chef Boyardee?

By:|November 22, 2012


My New Pink Button: Product of the Day

Don’t you just hate faded and discolored labia? And do you have any idea how long I, as a writer, have been waiting to type that sentence and have it be relevant to something? What a day for a daydream today is.

By:|November 21, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Gobble Gobble

You thought this was going to be obscene, didn't you? Nope, just a guy apparently having the time of his life mocking turkeys.

By:|November 21, 2012


Mocking Dead: The Walking Dead recap (S3 E6)

Rick is still insane and talking on the phone to people who can’t possibly be there. Let’s be honest, the entire premise of someone randomly dialing the phone in a world that hasn’t been functioning in several years is pretty weak ass. Who’s buying this? No one. But we’ll play along.

By:|November 20, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Conan Catches a Predator

Always knew Pierre had issues.

By:|November 20, 2012


8 of the Best Sayings About the Moustache

The world is rife with classic sayings. A rolling stone gathers no moss, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, you can’t take your pants off on the bus. There’s plenty to choose from and, as you might expect, the noble moustache has its share of sayings as well. Will they bless you with wisdom and insight? Maybe.

By:|November 19, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Opiate Suppositories

Louis CK on Conan. You can't go wrong.

By:|November 19, 2012


Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen Yet: November 16th

Oh man, this is some kind of week at the movies. It’s like Hollywood got drunk and woke up the next day and couldn’t explain what happened, there was just this crazy shit going on. And now we are the beneficiaries of it. Not sure what I mean? Good thing there’s a whole rest of this article to go.

By:|November 16, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Dumb Ways to Die

This is the most adorable and morbid train safety video ever.

By:|November 16, 2012

1Mystery Box

The Fleshlight Box Incident: Aftermath

The following is the voicemail my grandmother left me last night, transcribed for your enjoyment.

By:|November 15, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Boys Night In

More BritaNick today because they make me laugh.

By:|November 15, 2012


25 Things a Straight Guy is Afraid are Gay

The recent election in the US and the legalization of gay marriage in yet more states has made great strides for equality as it relates to sexuality. Back in the day, gay was the worst insult you could sling at someone on the schoolyard.

By:|November 14, 2012


The Morning Jolt: The Dinner Party

Tonight's dinner is betrayal plus also perogies and maybe corn. Betrayal corn!

By:|November 14, 2012