5 Things Easily Found Online That Would Scar You in Real Life
The internet is one of mankind’s greatest achievements – a near limitless tool for connecting people the world over and sharing the entirety of human knowledge. It’s literally the closest thing we have to a manifestation of God, if you think about it. Unfortunately, it’s also buried under heaps and mounds of utter insanity, from sites like Holy Taco to videos of amateur singers performing Hall & Oates. Why do these things so permeate the web when we’d lose our minds if we saw them for real?
By:Ian Fortey|March 9, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Magic
This kid id so dry you'll need a...I dunno...a martini? Is that a joke people say?
By:Ian Fortey|March 9, 2012
Come At Me, Solar Flare! I’m Right Here!
C’mon, you pussy! Come at me! I’m right here! It’s just you and me, Second Largest Solar Flare of the Current 11-year Cycle! It’s just me, a fleshy and easily charred human, versus you, a scorching tendril of the sun that was hurled toward the earth at around 4 million miles per hour. You think you’re hot shit, being from the sun and all, but you ain’t shit. You’re nothing but a sweaty bitch.
By:Luis Prada|March 8, 2012
Ten Emasculating Things You Can Do To Honor International Women’s Day
Today is International Women's Day. Did you even notice? Probably not, because you're an insensitive jerk. (Please note before proceeding, this article is for dudes. Sorry to exclude you ladies on your day, but we're just providing information for clueless guys, so that your day can be much better. You'll thank us later.) Are you even doing anything to celebrate, boys? You should be acknowledging the holiday in some manner. Why not try abandoning your masculinity? Maybe show the ladies that you're not afraid...
By:Jim Tews|March 8, 2012
GIF Attack!
This makes me feel epic. I'm not saying the GIF itself isn't epic -- it most certainly is -- but it has that rare quality that makes me feel epic as I watch it. As if there weren't the barrier of a monitor, time (when the thing was filmed and created) and distance (wherever it was shot) -- I feel like I'm surfing alongside gigantic horses. And no, I'm not high right now.
By:Luis Prada|March 8, 2012
25 People Passed Out in Public
It's tragic that all these people got so sleepy before they could get home to bed.
By:Ian Fortey|March 8, 2012
How to Run for Political Office (90% of the time)
So, you want to make a difference in society, good for you! Do you have ideals and passion and a desire to make your country a better place? Sorry, this article isn’t for you. We can’t relate to you at all as you’re about as rare as a unicorn.
By:Ian Fortey|March 8, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Walking Dead Alternate Intro
What I wouldn't give for this to be real.
By:Ian Fortey|March 8, 2012
Rush Limbaugh Once Had A Line of Extremely Ugly Neckties
Ever since Rush Limbaugh called Sandra Fluke a slut and a prostitute, I have developed a morbid fascination with Rush’s, uh, let’s say, oeuvre; his body of work, so to speak. I’ve learned many new things about Rush, and I’ve come across many bits that I already knew. For instance, I knew he was, for a short time, a football analyst for ESPN’s Sunday Night Countdown, and he was a race card-playing asshole on that show. As for something I didn’t know, I learned that Rush has been married 4 times and has zero kids, probably because he’s an asshole. Basically, I had my knowledge of Rush’s assholeary reaffirmed by pretty much everything I came across. Man, what a dick. One piece of Rush trivia I came across that I hadn’t known before, and was entertained endlessly by, was the fact that in the 90s Rush Limbaugh had his own line of neckties, which is surprising because have you ever tried to find a neck on this thing?
By:Luis Prada|March 7, 2012
Mantyhose Are Real And You’re Going To Wear Them
What are mantyhose? They're exactly what they sound like, bro. They're pantyhose for men. Not like gay men or trannies (though, I guess the pantyhose they were could be considered pantyhose for men.) "Mantyhose" are pantyhose marketed for every man, to be worn without irony or the intent to shock. Who cares about men wearing pantyhose? I don't. I live in New York City. Seeing men walking around in pantyhose would be a welcome relief from seeing men poop on the sidewalk in broad daylight.
By:Jim Tews|March 7, 2012
25 Classical Art Tattoos
Anyone can get a tattoo of Calvin pissing on Hobbes. To get one of these, it helps to at least know who Monet is.
By:Ian Fortey|March 7, 2012
Everyone is a Slut: 9 Remarkable Sex Scandals
Sandra Fluke, you’re in good company. Surely, if given the chance, all around decent citizen Rush Limbaugh would have expounded on his comments rather than apologizing online for them, and explained how what he really means is that everyone is a slut. And it seems to be pretty much, true. Check out these other people we’re indirectly labeling sluts for their sexual behavior. And these folks actually even deserve it.
By:Ian Fortey|March 7, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Dollar Shave Club
Watch this and then give these people money.
By:Ian Fortey|March 7, 2012
Five Reasons Why You’re Wrong
We all get into arguments we have difficulty winning. You may have even found yourself entering an argument you know, for a fact, you can't really win. You may even discover that the point you're arguing is completely invalid, but that's no reason to stop arguing. You can't lose arguments. Only losers lose arguments. Even if you're wrong you can win the argument by redirecting, tying in disassociated facts, and using personal insults to get inside your opponent's head. Oh, sure, it's dirty pool, but it'll save you the embarrassment of saying "I'm sorry, you're right." Nobody wants to deal with that. To aide your in your next futile debate, we're providing you with ten counter-arguments to prove your opponent wrong, even if they're technically "right."
By:Jim Tews|March 6, 2012
Beards Are Not Attractive. To Anyone. According To Science.
Hey, you, with the scraggly pubes on your face that you think makes you look mature, wise, and rugged. That thatch of barbershop dumpster contents you’ve got on your face that you call a “beard” isn’t as sexually appealing as you once thought. In fact, it’s sexually appalling, according to science. And did you notice that thing I did there? I used one word that meant something good, and followed it up by using a second word that sounds similar to the first, but means the opposite. You just got school on the art of witty wordplay, you disheveled husk of a man.
By:Luis Prada|March 6, 2012
25 Ridiculous Love Dolls (mildly NSFW)
Having a love doll at all is kind of sad. Having one of these is just wrong. So wrong.
By:Ian Fortey|March 6, 2012
How Much Is Your Body Worth?
Money is big news. Unemployment, the 99%, shady business dealings, overpaid athletes, the world is enamored with money – who has it, who doesn’t and where it goes and how it gets there. It’s wonderful. Oh, plus one time, I found $5 right on the sidewalk. It was awesome. I bought a Coke and then I think I lost the rest.
By:Ian Fortey|March 6, 2012
Daily Links
Best of Taco
Holy links
Popular Tacos
- The 10 Most Worthless College Majors
- 31 Lets Take Our Family Photo By The Huge Walrus Boner
- Man Eats Big Mac In One Bite
- The Evolution of the Big Mac
- Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser
- These Dogs Can Cook Better Than You
- 8 Animals Ruined by Humans
- Target's Job Application Explains A Lot
- Hey MTV, We Got Your Jersey Shore Spinoffs Right Here!
- Oh No, A Mirror!
