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Perfect Dangers: Chapter CMLXXXVI

We approach the 19th anniversary with no end in sight. My resolve is all but gone. I go through the motions of life like some kind of robot and the days mean so little any more. Am I awake or dreaming? Am I still the man I was? Am I a man at all? If someone told me I had died years ago I don’t know how I would prove them wrong.

By:|August 6, 2012


lcc

The Morning Jolt: Down with LCC

I'm putting this on my iPod and listening to it every time I take a shit from now on.

By:|August 6, 2012


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 3rd

Last week we gave the edge over everything to Batman because of all the shite movies opening. This week, will it be different? To the reviews!!!

By:|August 3, 2012


cat

The Morning Jolt: Techno Cats

Oh my God that's how I dance, too!

By:|August 3, 2012


ObsceneTomato

5 Curiously Obscene Fruits

Everyone loves a picture gallery of green peppers that look vaguely like penis or boobs. Except me! When I want obscene fruits and veggies, I go to the source. Mother Nasty Nature. She’s a saucy old tart and she can give you the goods. Just look at this heaping helping of raunch.

By:|August 2, 2012


lynx

The Morning Jolt: Lynx

My friend Jessica told me to post this or else, and you don't want to make her angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry. Plus there's comical ass slapping in it.

By:|August 2, 2012


hesd

The 10 Worst Things Ever (According to a Google Image Search)

Google is currently the only way any of us are able to know anything. Even stuff you didn’t know you wanted to know you can know if you Google it. So if you Google “the worst thing ever” like I did, you’ll discover these ten images, which I guess are the 10 worst things in the world, ever, since they are the first ten images that search gets you. I wouldn’t have guessed, but who am I to argue with Google?

By:|August 1, 2012


goat

The Morning Jolt: Goats

There's no reason for me to find this as funny as I do, but 0:55 kills me.

By:|August 1, 2012


pot o rice

How to Cook Rice to Perfection

Not everyone has mastered the art of cooking rice. If you know how already it seems stupid someone should be told, but everyone has to have a first time, know what I’m saying? Yeah, you know. You know I’m talking about rice. So here’s a handy guide for simple, delicious rice. Enjoy! Millions of Asians can’t be wrong. That’s not racist, they just eat a lot of rice in Asia.

By:|July 31, 2012


gameofhodor

A Game of Hodor: Chapter IV

Gods be good, I’ve made so many errors in judgment in my life. I could have gone to the Wall, you know. Well, obviously I am partaking of such an adventure now, but I mean on my own. They would have accepted me as a Black Brother. To be sure I would suffer mockery, but no worse than anywhere else. And on the upside I wouldn’t be wearing a glorified potato sack as I trudge through a freezing forest.

By:|July 30, 2012


whisp

The Morning Jolt: The Woman Whisperer

This dude looks like my uncle. Awesome.

By:|July 30, 2012


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: July 27th

Last week Batman came out and no one even tried to compete with it, so there’s not much point even discussing it. It was awesome, Batman is awesome, Bane is awesome, awesome is awesome. On with this week!

By:|July 27, 2012


cream

The Morning Jolt: Cream of the Crop

I lose it every time he pulls that little creamer out.

By:|July 27, 2012


d078a009951d078420a218f6d9eb5dd1

25 Signs Your Loved One May Be Possessed

Demonic possession is a constant threat in our workaday, evil world. If it wasn’t, people wouldn’t keep making movies about it now would they? Don’t answer that because the devil will beguile you with his sweet words and I have to assume you are housing Satan deep in your loins as we speak. Instead, I’ll just give you these signs to be watchful of, or perhaps for your friends and loved ones to be watchful of if it turns out you do, in fact, carry a scrotum* full of Beelzebub.

By:|July 26, 2012


king

The Morning Jolt: Mean Tweets

This is why you need to keep saying mean things about celebrities on Twitter.

By:|July 26, 2012


vin_Diesel_232070y

How to Be Vin Diesel

Vin Diesel started life as a break dancing afro samurai, or something very much like that. When he was born he was 200lbs of muscle and forced, gravelly voice. He punched out the doctor that delivered him but only because that doctor was secretly dealing smack to other babies. Smack babies. Vin Diesel uppercuts the plaque off of his own teeth. Enough of the biography, more paragraphs await further down the page!

By:|July 25, 2012


lady

The Morning Jolt: Walk Like a Man (Or Woman)

Wait, there's fake cripples out there? NOOOO!

By:|July 25, 2012


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5 Ridiculous Flying Machines

Since the dawn of time man has struggled to punch a bird on its own turf. Chasing down a flightless bird is only funny for the first 20 or so times as they waddle and scramble for safety. But a bird in flight, now that was worthy prey.

By:|July 24, 2012


gameofhodor

A Game of Hodor: Chapter III

This exact conversation happened earlier today; “ We’re running low on rations.” “Hodor.”

By:|July 23, 2012


gyp

The Morning Jolt: Gypsies

National Geographic is apparently trying to be as awful as TLC and A&E.

By:|July 23, 2012