4 Things Evil Dead Needed to be Perfect
The Evil Dead remake opened on Friday and seems to have kicked the box office’s ass, which is generally impressive for an R rated movie that kind of cuts a huge chunk of the audience from seeing it. Overall it was a well liked film with some people pointing out various flaws in the script and performances.
By:Ian Fortey|April 9, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Sandler and Shaq
Sandler gets so much crap for his movies these days, but a bit like this is why anyone liked him in the first place. This makes me want to hang out with Adam Sandler. And kind of makes me want to hang out with Shaq, too.
By:Ian Fortey|April 9, 2013
25 Worse Casting Choices Than Chloe Grace Moretz as Carrie
Here’s an odd one for you – usually people complain about casting choices because an actor sucks. This is the opposite.
By:Ian Fortey|April 8, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Animal Humility
Let's knock those smug house pets down a few pegs.
By:Ian Fortey|April 8, 2013
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: April 5th
Last week I watched John Dies at the End, which you can now see on DVD or Blu Ray. I have nothing much else to say about movies in theaters. I’m sure they were all wonderful and thought provoking and interesting and not shitty. Did GI Joe open? I guess so. On to this week!
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Wheat Thins
Makes me want Wheat Thins. Or at least a mentally unstable puppet.
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2013
8 Animals Ruined by Humans
You know who names animals? People. A dog didn’t wander into Babylon one day and tell everyone it was called a dog. The word came from an old English word for a specific kind of canine and then bam! English has a word for that animal. So every time we ruin the name of a poor, innocent animal, it’s not that animal’s fault. It’s our fault. We looked at that beast and said “that name is something I am about to make obscene” and then there it is.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2013
The Morning Jolt: This is How You Price is Right
He's like the Price is Right Rain Man.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2013
The Walking Dead Just Died: A Eulogy
I needed a couple days to work up this article because of all the emotion involved. You know the Taco loves zombies, we have zombie content up the wazoo on this site and, of course, we brought you the epic series that was the Walking Carl and its brief crossover with A Game of Hodor. Holy Taco supports zombism. But no more can I sit here and watch the Walking Dead.
By:Ian Fortey|April 3, 2013
The Inner Monologue of the Easter Bunny the Day After Easter
Oh God, my back. I feel like hell. Where the hell is Margaret? Oh God. I still stink like chocolate. I hate it. Oh God, I hate children. I wish I was dead.
By:Ian Fortey|April 2, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Pineapple Express 2
In case you missed it yesterday, here's a movie that doesn't exist.
By:Ian Fortey|April 2, 2013
25 Acceptable Reasons to not Watch Game of Thrones
Game of Thrones returned last night and it was awesome because it could be nothing but. Some people apparently don’t watch Thrones, however and that’s OK, we all have our reasons for insane, unjustifiable behavior. Here are the only acceptable reasons for not watching Game of Thrones. Not having HBO is not a reason, incidentally because you obviously can get HBO. No one’s stopping you.
By:Ian Fortey|April 1, 2013
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 29th
The Croods owned the box office last week because a big cartoon tentpole is always sure money. People go see animated releases now because Pixar is all artsy fartsy and you’re almost considered somehow now a film fan if you don’t sit through something made for 10 year olds. Go figure. This week also features movies for 10 year olds and/or ones made by people with the mentality of them.
By:Ian Fortey|March 29, 2013
5 More Reasons to Oppose Gay Marriage
I once wrote about the terrors that would befall us if we allowed gay marriage but the debate has obviously not gone away and, in fact, marriage equality is gaining ground. If something isn’t done we’ll soon be treating everyone in the world like real, actual people. Is that how you want your kids to grow up?
By:Ian Fortey|March 28, 2013
The Morning Jolt: They Mash This
Normally I wouldn't post a video like this but I was feeling wistful and these kids clearly put a boatload of effort into this, and it pretty well pays off. I hate 90% of these songs. At least.
By:Ian Fortey|March 28, 2013
What Goes on at a Nudist Camp?
I’ve had it in my head for a while that it would be hilarious to go to a nudist camp and spend a day, then write about it because why not? But what am I in for if I do such a thing? Aside from bits and bobs hanging out, what’s the deal with being naked all day in an allegedly non-sexual way? I looked into it!
By:Ian Fortey|March 27, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Lil Wayne Does Not Know What He Does
This should make you laugh, but feel sad at the same time.
By:Ian Fortey|March 27, 2013
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