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The Morning Jolt: Safe Sex Rap

Best line in this - "I don't want someone everyone else has already ruined." Remember that, kids. Sex ruins you.

By:|August 14, 2012


gameofhodor

A Game of Hodor: Chapter V

There are mornings when I wake up and have to wonder if perhaps I unknowingly made a great enemy of some vengeful god at some point in my life. I awoke this morning to a direwolf attempting to breed with my cloak whilst I was wearing it. Just a warm, vaguely damp urgency at my side and then I awake and oh joy, a lupine penis about the size of my forearm. And I’m a large man.

By:|August 13, 2012


safe_image

The Morning Jolt: 5 Guys plus This Guy

Gonna be honest, this guy makes me want a burger and fries.

By:|August 13, 2012


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 10th

Last week the Hollywood machine had a possum stuck in the gears and turned out pure shit. Our apologies to anyone who went to theaters last week. This week a new set of movies with maybe some more potential and less suckitude. But who will reign supreme? Behold!

By:|August 10, 2012


chat

The Morning Jolt: Call Me Maybe (on Chatroulette)

Every time I see this guy I think "This guy." And then I watch it anyway.

By:|August 10, 2012


drunk-urinal

4 Drunk Stories Everyone Has

Everyone of a certain age and value set enjoys a good drunkening. That should be a fairly acceptable statement. Incidentally, if you’re one of those 19 year olds who doesn’t drink, for the love of Pete don’t get all preachy about it, because it’s not an almost totally unimportant lifestyle choice at that point, it’s just you being an asshole.

By:|August 9, 2012


bane

The Morning Jolt: Bane After Batman

Bane had to adjust to real life. Just like the rest of us.

By:|August 9, 2012


gyp

An Open Letter to National Geographic Channel

How’s taking pictures of indigenous boobies? I imagine it’s both satisfying and kind of sad at the same time. Keep it up. Listen, the reason I wanted to talk to you is this new American Gypsy show you guys have on TV. I need you to listen to me, and I mean really listen. Get comfy. Maybe get a drink and relax. Are you good?

By:|August 8, 2012


snoop

The Morning Jolt: Snoop Gives Life Advice

There's something charming and terribly uncomfortable about Snoop talking sex with an 8th grader.

By:|August 8, 2012


The-Avengers-2-Confirmed

How the Avengers 2 Should (but Won’t) End

The sky is black. The Earth itself shakes. Panicked screams are now silenced as the citizens of Earth stumble in their attempts to evacuate major cities and urban centers, struck fully by the realization of what is coming. Thanos the Mad Titan has arrived. Though mankind has grown accustomed to the idea of super powered beings, nothing has prepared them for the embodiment of Death, and the wielder of the Infinity Gauntlet. Thanos represents destruction unheard of.

By:|August 7, 2012


judy

The Morning Jolt: Drunk for Judge Judy

Need some kind of supercut of just the last few seconds of this.

By:|August 7, 2012


Perfect-Strangers-tv-02

Perfect Dangers: Chapter CMLXXXVI

We approach the 19th anniversary with no end in sight. My resolve is all but gone. I go through the motions of life like some kind of robot and the days mean so little any more. Am I awake or dreaming? Am I still the man I was? Am I a man at all? If someone told me I had died years ago I don’t know how I would prove them wrong.

By:|August 6, 2012


lcc

The Morning Jolt: Down with LCC

I'm putting this on my iPod and listening to it every time I take a shit from now on.

By:|August 6, 2012


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: August 3rd

Last week we gave the edge over everything to Batman because of all the shite movies opening. This week, will it be different? To the reviews!!!

By:|August 3, 2012


cat

The Morning Jolt: Techno Cats

Oh my God that's how I dance, too!

By:|August 3, 2012


ObsceneTomato

5 Curiously Obscene Fruits

Everyone loves a picture gallery of green peppers that look vaguely like penis or boobs. Except me! When I want obscene fruits and veggies, I go to the source. Mother Nasty Nature. She’s a saucy old tart and she can give you the goods. Just look at this heaping helping of raunch.

By:|August 2, 2012


lynx

The Morning Jolt: Lynx

My friend Jessica told me to post this or else, and you don't want to make her angry. You wouldn't like her when she's angry. Plus there's comical ass slapping in it.

By:|August 2, 2012


hesd

The 10 Worst Things Ever (According to a Google Image Search)

Google is currently the only way any of us are able to know anything. Even stuff you didn’t know you wanted to know you can know if you Google it. So if you Google “the worst thing ever” like I did, you’ll discover these ten images, which I guess are the 10 worst things in the world, ever, since they are the first ten images that search gets you. I wouldn’t have guessed, but who am I to argue with Google?

By:|August 1, 2012


goat

The Morning Jolt: Goats

There's no reason for me to find this as funny as I do, but 0:55 kills me.

By:|August 1, 2012


pot o rice

How to Cook Rice to Perfection

Not everyone has mastered the art of cooking rice. If you know how already it seems stupid someone should be told, but everyone has to have a first time, know what I’m saying? Yeah, you know. You know I’m talking about rice. So here’s a handy guide for simple, delicious rice. Enjoy! Millions of Asians can’t be wrong. That’s not racist, they just eat a lot of rice in Asia.

By:|July 31, 2012


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