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Study: Men Prefer Pink Vaginas To Red Ones

As a kid, if I had known that being a scientist not only meant being in a lab filled with chalkboards and bubbling cauldrons of smoking green liquid, but also being able to ask other guys what kinds of vagains they prefer, I would have immediately put away my White Ranger sword with the talking white lion on the hilt, and with it my dream to grow up to be a Power Ranger. I would have lived a life of science! According to some science-types that conducted some science on vagains, men prefer their vaginas pink as opposed to red, which is a question absolutely no one thought about asking, and is a preference I’ll be most men have never thought about until now.

By:|April 20, 2012


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Holy Taco’s Silver Screen Scoop

It’s the weekend and that means there’s a whole new crop of films coming out to entertain you while you eat $5 popcorn and drink $5 Mountain Dew and gorge yourself on $5 Milk Duds. Sweet. But what movie should you see? With no other websites around recommending what movies to watch, HT is here to help you make that difficult choice. And, unlike other movie sites (which we just acknowledged don’t exist so please don’t Google them), we don’t pretend to have seen all these movies, we’re just going to give you what seems like the gist. Most reviewers are scumbag liars anyway, just ask anyone at Screenjunkies or Filmdrunk. All scumbags.

By:|April 20, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: 3 Second Rule

You may have seen this video already but we need to save it here on Holy Taco so future generations can come back and see that we posted this and then said "Jesus...seriously?"

By:|April 20, 2012


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The Nut Shot Conspiracy

I am about to betray mankind. When I say mankind I legitimately mean men. I am turning my back, ever so briefly, on dudes. Sorry, bro. This needs to be done. Very few people have ever kicked or been kicked in the nuts.

By:|April 19, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Pottery Date

Every hidden cam shows exists to make you feel like a complete ass. Still, this one was with hot chicks, so that's enjoyable.

By:|April 19, 2012


Mohammad Ashan

Mohammad Ashan Is The Stupidest Terrorist Ever

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find it hard to believe members of the Taliban were intelligent enough to fight back when U.S. forces landed on their soil. Every so often a bit of news comes out that makes you wonder if the people we were fighting didn’t have some kind of major brain damage. Take, for example, Mohammad Ashan.

By:|April 18, 2012


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The 7 Sandwiches of Shame

Remember when you were a child? Neither does your absentee father! Ha ha! Wait, no, that was uncalled for. My dad left, too. He joined the circus to “make for hump” with the bearded lady and never came back. We both have trauma. Let’s start over. Remember when you were a child? Neither does…I mean…yes. As a kid, lunch was one of the most important times during the school day. It was the longest recess, the best time to socialize and a chance to refuel your sugar high with Twinkies and delicious Sloppy Joes or whatever. Kids still eat that shit, right?

By:|April 18, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: The Bathroom Incident

This is actually kind of a sad story until you see that their last name is Skidmore. That's where I lost it.

By:|April 18, 2012


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‘That Can Be My Next Tweet’ Tweets For You, You Lazy Bastards

Tweeting is hard, you guys. So very hard. I mean, to deliver unto you nothing but the finest one-liners (all of which you can find @holytaco) we have to labor for, literally, seconds as we think up bullshit that makes us laugh. And then, on top of that, we have to hit the “send” button. Christ, do you people realize how much work we put in to typing thoughts that are less than 140 characters, just to make you smile when you’re dropping a deuce? Probably more work than you deserve. [CropperCapture[1]]

By:|April 17, 2012


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How To Tuesday: How to Overcome a Hostile Alien Attack

So you’ve decided not to die at the hands of creepy, tentacle invaders, good for you! If Hollywood is to be believed, and Hollywood is never wrong, then aliens are climbing over each other to get to earth. One in ten of those aliens wants to hug us and eat delicious candy, while the other nine have yet to decide on the best course of action – hump us or kill us

By:|April 17, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: I Just Sold Instagram!

Everything about this seems pretty much right.

By:|April 17, 2012


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The GIF Hole

The Best part about GIFs is the GIF part.

By:|April 16, 2012


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Tupac’s Hologram Performed At Coachcella. The Future Is Now. And It’s Wearing Saggy Jeans.

It must have been a mind melting experience being at Coachcella this past weekend, especially if you were on drugs. Not only did you get to see performance from Snoop Dog and his cavalcade of surprise guests, including Dr. Dre, Whiz Kalifa, Warren G., and Eminem, but you also saw the triumphant return of a man that’s been dead since 1996 – Tupac Shakur.

By:|April 16, 2012


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The Walking Carl: Chapter 3

Found a house full of zombies up the street this morning. Mostly they ignored me because I’m not essential to the plot unless everyone knows I’m missing, which they didn’t at the time. It’s kind of nice, actually, unless they notice I’m gone in the middle of something cool, and then it’s like a spotlight hits me. Remember that zombie in the mud that got Dale? Wouldn’t have caused any troubles if no one stopped to wonder where I was. Oh well, spilled milk.

By:|April 16, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Judge Judy is Ridiculous

If you watch this whole thing you'll learn they're straight, he lit a bird on fire, he killed the cat, someone's an artist and the whole thing including that one guy's life, is ridiculous.

By:|April 16, 2012


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Game Of Thrones Makes Me Want To Watch A Child Die

My biggest gripe of the show and the books so far is that Joffrey isn’t dead yet.

By:|April 13, 2012


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One Direction: A Video Breakdown

One Direction are a British band that were forged in the fires of Simon Cowell’s supple man bosom. They’ve been around for a while but are blowing up in America now and were just recently on SNL. To celebrate that, I forced myself to watch their video and break it down for you here.

By:|April 13, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: The ‘Lympics!

Get your spandex body suits on, Kids. The Lympics are coming.

By:|April 13, 2012


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A Letter To The Commercial For The Movie “Lockout”

Dear Lockout, You look like a silly-ass movie. As such, I will probably watch you three times and love it. But, please, stop pretending that you aren’t a silly-ass movie. You are a movie about a prison break in space that has shitty, generic rock music playing during your commercial – rock music with the highly lame lyric “I’m a badass!” You’re silly, so stop pretending you aren’t.

By:|April 12, 2012


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6 of the Whitest Songs Ever

Music is often a very emotional, soulful experience for people. It’s hard to listen to some Beethoven without feeling a little bit moved, or to listen to Nickelback without feeling a little bit queasy. And then there are songs that were made delightfully soulless and may have been targeted to people Rick Santorum thinks are slightly square. For you Wonderbread types, here’s some of the best of the brand.

By:|April 12, 2012