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Ten Emasculating Things You Can Do To Honor International Women’s Day

Today is International Women's Day. Did you even notice? Probably not, because you're an insensitive jerk. (Please note before proceeding, this article is for dudes. Sorry to exclude you ladies on your day, but we're just providing information for clueless guys, so that your day can be much better. You'll thank us later.) Are you even doing anything to celebrate, boys? You should be acknowledging the holiday in some manner. Why not try abandoning your masculinity? Maybe show the ladies that you're not afraid...

By:|March 8, 2012


GIF Attack!

This makes me feel epic. I'm not saying the GIF itself isn't epic -- it most certainly is -- but it has that rare quality that makes me feel epic as I watch it. As if there weren't the barrier of a monitor, time (when the thing was filmed and created) and distance (wherever it was shot) -- I feel like I'm surfing alongside gigantic horses. And no, I'm not high right now.

By:|March 8, 2012


25 People Passed Out in Public

It's tragic that all these people got so sleepy before they could get home to bed.

By:|March 8, 2012


How to Run for Political Office (90% of the time)

So, you want to make a difference in society, good for you! Do you have ideals and passion and a desire to make your country a better place? Sorry, this article isn’t for you. We can’t relate to you at all as you’re about as rare as a unicorn.

By:|March 8, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Walking Dead Alternate Intro

What I wouldn't give for this to be real.

By:|March 8, 2012

Donkey Kong

Rush Limbaugh Once Had A Line of Extremely Ugly Neckties

Ever since Rush Limbaugh called Sandra Fluke a slut and a prostitute, I have developed a morbid fascination with Rush’s, uh, let’s say, oeuvre; his body of work, so to speak. I’ve learned many new things about Rush, and I’ve come across many bits that I already knew. For instance, I knew he was, for a short time, a football analyst for ESPN’s Sunday Night Countdown, and he was a race card-playing asshole on that show. As for something I didn’t know, I learned that Rush has been married 4 times and has zero kids, probably because he’s an asshole. Basically, I had my knowledge of Rush’s assholeary reaffirmed by pretty much everything I came across. Man, what a dick. One piece of Rush trivia I came across that I hadn’t known before, and was entertained endlessly by, was the fact that in the 90s Rush Limbaugh had his own line of neckties, which is surprising because have you ever tried to find a neck on this thing?

By:|March 7, 2012


GIF Attack!

Nic Cage is a man of man...let's call them "talents."

By:|March 7, 2012


Mantyhose Are Real And You’re Going To Wear Them

What are mantyhose? They're exactly what they sound like, bro. They're pantyhose for men. Not like gay men or trannies (though, I guess the pantyhose they were could be considered pantyhose for men.) "Mantyhose" are pantyhose marketed for every man, to be worn without irony or the intent to shock. Who cares about men wearing pantyhose? I don't. I live in New York City. Seeing men walking around in pantyhose would be a welcome relief from seeing men poop on the sidewalk in broad daylight.

By:|March 7, 2012

3 L'Amour de Pierrot

25 Classical Art Tattoos

Anyone can get a tattoo of Calvin pissing on Hobbes. To get one of these, it helps to at least know who Monet is.

By:|March 7, 2012


Everyone is a Slut: 9 Remarkable Sex Scandals

Sandra Fluke, you’re in good company. Surely, if given the chance, all around decent citizen Rush Limbaugh would have expounded on his comments rather than apologizing online for them, and explained how what he really means is that everyone is a slut. And it seems to be pretty much, true. Check out these other people we’re indirectly labeling sluts for their sexual behavior. And these folks actually even deserve it.

By:|March 7, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Dollar Shave Club

Watch this and then give these people money.

By:|March 7, 2012


Five Reasons Why You’re Wrong

We all get into arguments we have difficulty winning. You may have even found yourself entering an argument you know, for a fact, you can't really win. You may even discover that the point you're arguing is completely invalid, but that's no reason to stop arguing. You can't lose arguments. Only losers lose arguments. Even if you're wrong you can win the argument by redirecting, tying in disassociated facts, and using personal insults to get inside your opponent's head. Oh, sure, it's dirty pool, but it'll save you the embarrassment of saying "I'm sorry, you're right." Nobody wants to deal with that. To aide your in your next futile debate, we're providing you with ten counter-arguments to prove your opponent wrong, even if they're technically "right."

By:|March 6, 2012


Beards Are Not Attractive. To Anyone. According To Science.

Hey, you, with the scraggly pubes on your face that you think makes you look mature, wise, and rugged. That thatch of barbershop dumpster contents you’ve got on your face that you call a “beard” isn’t as sexually appealing as you once thought. In fact, it’s sexually appalling, according to science. And did you notice that thing I did there? I used one word that meant something good, and followed it up by using a second word that sounds similar to the first, but means the opposite. You just got school on the art of witty wordplay, you disheveled husk of a man.

By:|March 6, 2012


GIF Attack!

"How do you like it, human?!"

By:|March 6, 2012


25 Ridiculous Love Dolls (mildly NSFW)

Having a love doll at all is kind of sad. Having one of these is just wrong. So wrong.

By:|March 6, 2012


How Much Is Your Body Worth?

Money is big news. Unemployment, the 99%, shady business dealings, overpaid athletes, the world is enamored with money – who has it, who doesn’t and where it goes and how it gets there. It’s wonderful. Oh, plus one time, I found $5 right on the sidewalk. It was awesome. I bought a Coke and then I think I lost the rest.

By:|March 6, 2012


The Morning Jolt: Yoga Farm of Terror

Nothing here is not traumatic.

By:|March 6, 2012


32 Texas Independence Babes

Free Texas already!  Except if that happens, we wont have easy access to these hot babes, brought to you by our friends at Coed

By:|March 5, 2012


SpeechJammer: The Handy Little Device That Can Shut You Up

Getting people to shut up is one of those wonderful little powers we all wish we had. We’ve all been in a conversation with someone and halfway through realized listening to them speak can be detrimental to our mental health. Or maybe we’ve sat in a movie theater not being able to hear a crucial bit of dialogue because some jackass in the back is trying to be the class clown because no one will listen to him unless you cram them in to a darkened box filled with people. In those moments, we all wish we had a gun that could shut that person up. But real guns are too violent. Whip out one of those in a theater and suddenly everyone has something to say, mostly “Ahhhhh! A gun!” To which you respond, “Yeah, thanks, Capitan Obvious. Pfft! This guy…”

By:|March 5, 2012


Kirk Cameron Doth Protest Too Much

So we're all aware at this point that Kirk Cameron is a born again Christian, right? 'Cause he is, and he's not one of the cool, quiet ones. He still goes on TV and flaps his dumb gums about crap. Most recently, he was on Piers Morgan's show discussing gay marriage. Of course, he was against it. Like really against it. Like so against it that he might actually be for it.

By:|March 5, 2012