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WALKINGCARL

The Walking Carl: Chapter 6

Found a stack of cool old magazines today, in a little shack in the woods. I think it was a whack shack because this is a ton of porn, I was surprised. Not just because it’s so much porn, but because they apparently still publish porn in magazine form. Or they used to, anyway. I guess no one around here had wi fi.

By:|May 7, 2012


russia

The Morning Jolt: Security System

Seems like maybe this dude just opened up shop in a bad neighborhood, if all of this is really necessary.

By:|May 7, 2012


review

Reviewing Movies We Haven’t Seen: May 4th

Yes, this is Silver Screen Scoop, but we talked it over with the janitorial staff in the office and no one liked that name as it really didn’t cut to the heart of the fact that we’re just reviewing movies based on what commercials made us think. Anyway, for the May 4th weekend, we’ve got some winners for you. Let’s review!

By:|May 4, 2012


russia

The Morning Jolt: Russian News

Don't speak Russian? It's cool. Just watch for about 27 seconds.

By:|May 4, 2012


i0dNFqpMjLFv5

The GIF Hole

GIFs are clinically proven to cure mudbutt.

By:|May 3, 2012


tan6

This Mom Tanned with her 5 Year Old: An Interview

You may have heard of Patricia Krentcil, the 44 year old New Jersey mother who was arrested for taking her 5 year old daughter to a tanning salon. We sent our man Matt Lauer out to find her (he just followed the smell of mesquite) to conduct a quick interview on our behalf.

By:|May 3, 2012


creedfan

The Morning Jolt: The Last Creed Fan

I actually only watched this to the point where he said his own name, ad that's when I decided to put it on the site.

By:|May 3, 2012


i7WtXlib1cEmr

The GIF Hole

I gave my love a GIF, it had no bones.

By:|May 2, 2012


avengersladies

5 Girls You’ll Meet at the Avengers Premiere

This Friday is the premiere of Marvel’s The Avengers, the biggest thing to happen to comic book movies since Dolph Lundgren made us all fall in love with the Punisher. The movie is sure to be huge and will rake in more money than any of us are ever likely to see in our lifetimes, but another thing it will draw in is ladies. Oh yeah.

By:|May 2, 2012


Dorky dork

The Morning Jolt: Rex Velvet

Remember Phoenix Jones, Seattle's very own super hero? Looks like he has a villain. A villain with production values.

By:|May 2, 2012


thirdparty

How to Start a Third Political Party

So, you’ve decided to ruin the political system in America, good for you. Running for office is never an easy task, and trying to not be either a Democrat or a Republican is basically suicide. And hey, for you Canadians, try running on a Green Party platform. Loser.

By:|May 1, 2012


beach

The Morning Jolt: Not a Beach

If you can find a stupider story today, laugh at it.

By:|May 1, 2012


teeth

If Your Ex-Girlfriend Is a Dentist, She Will Pull Out Your Teeth

Anna Mackowiak, a dentist in Poland, just pulled what has to be one of the most horrifying, yet impressive, acts of post-break up revenge you’ll probably hear of any time soon.

By:|April 30, 2012


WALKINGCARL

The Walking Carl: Chapter 5

I have a serious problem. Remember zombie Stephen Hawking from last week? Well, I thought I took care of him with a Roman candle, but I guess I just scorched his head a bit. And for whatever reason he seems to have really enjoyed it because he won’t leave me alone. He must have followed my trail somehow because two days ago I was walking through the woods just goofing around and I hear this quiet little “unngghh!” so I turned and there he is!

By:|April 30, 2012


bro

The Morning Jolt: Bros vs Hipsters

That's not how stereotypes work!!

By:|April 30, 2012


black african american baby with cool facial expression

Who Will Go #1 In The 2034 NFL Draft?

Folks, we’re all currently steeped deep within the burly, possibly HGH raging heart of the NFL draft, a glorious time of year when we watch college kids walk on to a stage to put on a hat that will no longer fit them once they become stars and their heads grow bigger. The draft may be underway, and players are already joining their respective teams, but it’s never too early to speculate on who will be drafted first overall in future drafts. But rather than debate who will go number-one in the 2013 draft, let’s look a little further ahead, way ahead, to the 2034 NFL draft. Which babies of today will be making the headlines 22-years from now?

By:|April 27, 2012


SCOOP

Silver Screen Scoop: Grandpa Edition

My typing hand cramped up on me this week as a result of extensive and exhaustive corn shucking, so I had to get my grandfather Howard to put together the silver screen scoop for the week. Having never heard of any of these movies owing to not having cable at home, I showed him the trailers online.

By:|April 27, 2012


anonymous-logo-1

The Morning Jolt: The Latest Threat to Privacy

Remember SOPA? Here's his cousin CISPA. The government wants to know everything you do. Even if you never do anything wrong, don't you feel uneasy with someone picking through all your stuff, just in case?

By:|April 27, 2012


ya9J5

The GIF Hole

One time I met a GIF on a lonely road at night and gave it a ride. We talked about our family and friends and work and whatever and eventually we came to an old farm house where I dropped the GIF off. The next day I saw the GIF had left its watch in the car so I drove to the farm house to drop it off. An old woman answered the door and I showed her the watch and asked if the GIF was home as I had picked it up the night before and given it a ride. Her eyes welled up with tears as she took the watch and told me that yes, it was her GIFs watch, but that the GIF had died 20 years ago on the very road where I had picked it up. Police said it was hitchhiking when it was hit by a drunk driver and it never made it home!

By:|April 26, 2012


cellphoneduringmovie

Get Your Cell Phones The Hell Out of the Movie Theater

CinemaCon is a meeting held in Las Vegas where movie theater owners and movie industry types come together to talk about various aspects of the business of movies, from the latest technologies to the new and stupidly expensive junk food companies will try to sell you in theaters in the near future. Today is the final day of the convention. This week, during a panel discussion about various issues facing the movie industry in which all of the speakers were high ranking CEOs and representatives from theater chains and studios, a bunch involved in the discussion just kind of, you know, casually mentioned how they’re warming up to the idea of allowing cell phone use in their theaters in a pathetic attempt to loosen the restrictions that they think keep young people from going to the movies as much as they used to.

By:|April 26, 2012


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