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Kanye West and Kim Kardashian Go on a Date

Setting: A busy, hip, urban restaurant. Waitresses dress like they are at the club, there is a wine list and a bottled water list. All food is served in dishes devoid of right angles. You can be Kobe beef sliders because they are whimsical. They cost $35 each. It is early evening, Kanye and Kim share a private, exclusive table. The table cloth is hyper color and comes from Norway. It’s awesome.

By:|April 26, 2012


ferrigknow

The Morning Jolt: The More You Ferrigknow

Nice pug.

By:|April 26, 2012


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G-Spot Found In Dead Old Lady!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have the dishonor of being the one that has to report to you that a man thinks he’s found the G-Spot, the controversial pleasure button that may or may not exist in female genitals, depending on your source, within the vagina of a dead 83-year-old women, which, if it turns out there’s only one G-Spot in the world, would explain why it was so difficult to find.

By:|April 25, 2012


boxer briefs

What Your Underwear Says About You

Man's underwear is far more complex than it has any right to be. Our ancestors simply wrapped themselves in birch bark and were happy to wear that if they wore anything at all. Nowadays you have frills and vinyl and leopard patterned tiny things that cradle your balls like an underweight hobo desperately clutching at some quail eggs. Anyway, here's what your underwear says about you, we figure.

By:|April 25, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Miss Travel

This video isn't actually meant to be funny. it's 100% serious. it just so happens that, because of that, it's also very funny.

By:|April 25, 2012


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Six Teenagers Got Drunk Off Of Hand Sanitizer? Then All Of Ten Are Doing The Same Thing!

Remember the freak out over teens soaking tampons in vodka to get drunk? Or how about the freak out over teens supposedly doing rectal beer bongs? It seems there’s an endless array of activities a handful of teens can perform to get drunk that adults around the country use as an excuse to fabricate moral panics and make everyone believe their kid is a raging alcoholic whose thirst for booze knows no bounds of logic and reason. Enter hand sanitizer.

By:|April 24, 2012


multiple-harry-potters

How to Become a Beloved Boy Wizard

So you’ve decided to take up the life of a fictional, impish boy wizard of some renown, good for you! It’s no small task to take up the slack that Harry Potter left behind when JK Rowling decided her mountain of money had grown just high enough so that she couldn’t see the ground any longer.

By:|April 24, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: Nickstarter

I would have done this myself ages ago if I knew how to use a camera.

By:|April 24, 2012


Don Draper

The Old People Mad Men Characters Will Eventually Become

The much lauded AMC series Mad Men features a number of fascinating and troubled characters that existed in a time of great civic and cultural change -- America in the 1960s. It was a time when the old guard was challenged by a rapidly and suddenly changing world, the ripples of which can still be felt and seen today. Assuming these characters survived to see old age in the year 2012, what kind of old people would they be? Let’s find out.

By:|April 23, 2012


WALKINGCARL

The Walking Carl: Chapter 4

Oh my God, diary, you are not going to believe what just happened. I wish I could tell people, but all they’ll focus on is how I hotwired an ATV I found on a farm and sorta drove 50 miles down the road. But for real, I totally found the zombie Stephen Hawking, it was amazing. The Hawking Dead! I wish there was anyone around to appreciate how clever that is. Took me like 15 minutes to think of it.

By:|April 23, 2012


bird

The Morning Jolt: Bird

I'm just happy that someone made this.

By:|April 23, 2012


Large Shell Statue

Study: Men Prefer Pink Vaginas To Red Ones

As a kid, if I had known that being a scientist not only meant being in a lab filled with chalkboards and bubbling cauldrons of smoking green liquid, but also being able to ask other guys what kinds of vagains they prefer, I would have immediately put away my White Ranger sword with the talking white lion on the hilt, and with it my dream to grow up to be a Power Ranger. I would have lived a life of science! According to some science-types that conducted some science on vagains, men prefer their vaginas pink as opposed to red, which is a question absolutely no one thought about asking, and is a preference I’ll be most men have never thought about until now.

By:|April 20, 2012


SCOOP

Holy Taco’s Silver Screen Scoop

It’s the weekend and that means there’s a whole new crop of films coming out to entertain you while you eat $5 popcorn and drink $5 Mountain Dew and gorge yourself on $5 Milk Duds. Sweet. But what movie should you see? With no other websites around recommending what movies to watch, HT is here to help you make that difficult choice. And, unlike other movie sites (which we just acknowledged don’t exist so please don’t Google them), we don’t pretend to have seen all these movies, we’re just going to give you what seems like the gist. Most reviewers are scumbag liars anyway, just ask anyone at Screenjunkies or Filmdrunk. All scumbags.

By:|April 20, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: 3 Second Rule

You may have seen this video already but we need to save it here on Holy Taco so future generations can come back and see that we posted this and then said "Jesus...seriously?"

By:|April 20, 2012


nut shot

The Nut Shot Conspiracy

I am about to betray mankind. When I say mankind I legitimately mean men. I am turning my back, ever so briefly, on dudes. Sorry, bro. This needs to be done. Very few people have ever kicked or been kicked in the nuts.

By:|April 19, 2012


pottery

The Morning Jolt: Pottery Date

Every hidden cam shows exists to make you feel like a complete ass. Still, this one was with hot chicks, so that's enjoyable.

By:|April 19, 2012


Mohammad Ashan

Mohammad Ashan Is The Stupidest Terrorist Ever

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find it hard to believe members of the Taliban were intelligent enough to fight back when U.S. forces landed on their soil. Every so often a bit of news comes out that makes you wonder if the people we were fighting didn’t have some kind of major brain damage. Take, for example, Mohammad Ashan.

By:|April 18, 2012


kids_eating_cafeteria(1)

The 7 Sandwiches of Shame

Remember when you were a child? Neither does your absentee father! Ha ha! Wait, no, that was uncalled for. My dad left, too. He joined the circus to “make for hump” with the bearded lady and never came back. We both have trauma. Let’s start over. Remember when you were a child? Neither does…I mean…yes. As a kid, lunch was one of the most important times during the school day. It was the longest recess, the best time to socialize and a chance to refuel your sugar high with Twinkies and delicious Sloppy Joes or whatever. Kids still eat that shit, right?

By:|April 18, 2012


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The Morning Jolt: The Bathroom Incident

This is actually kind of a sad story until you see that their last name is Skidmore. That's where I lost it.

By:|April 18, 2012


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‘That Can Be My Next Tweet’ Tweets For You, You Lazy Bastards

Tweeting is hard, you guys. So very hard. I mean, to deliver unto you nothing but the finest one-liners (all of which you can find @holytaco) we have to labor for, literally, seconds as we think up bullshit that makes us laugh. And then, on top of that, we have to hit the “send” button. Christ, do you people realize how much work we put in to typing thoughts that are less than 140 characters, just to make you smile when you’re dropping a deuce? Probably more work than you deserve. [CropperCapture[1]]

By:|April 17, 2012


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