The GIF Hole
Man, look at these GIFs, all giffy and whatnot. Yeah. GIF!
By:Ian Fortey|April 10, 2012
How to Make a Summer Blockbuster
So, you’ve decided to entertain people with soulless vacuousness, good for you! The summer blockbuster is an art form unto itself, forged in the white hot jism of Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer on the peaks of Mt. ‘Splosion! Is it as easy as having robots and boners wrestle with busty pirates while base jumping and shooting bazookas full of napalm-soaked machetes? Probably, but I’m calling dibs on that idea, so just finish reading the article.
By:Ian Fortey|April 10, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Street Dentistry
This video is a little old, but still awesome. Also, please not that the same uncovered fluid he injects in that woman's mouth, he also uses to wash the pliers. What?
By:Ian Fortey|April 10, 2012
Creepy Study Shows 23-Year-Old Girls Wear The Shortest Skirts
Debenhams, a department store chain in the U.K., conducted a study on the length of women’s skirts that we can only hope wasn’t conducted by balding/greying male science types in their mid-50s, possibly researched while slowly creeping by high schools in a nondescript windowless van.
By:Luis Prada|April 9, 2012
The Walking Carl: Chapter 2
Dear Diary, Took a walk back to the farm today and got a couple of eggs. My Junior Bastard Scouts Guide helped me design a rudimentary calendar and as near as I can tell it’s Easter weekend, so I figured we could do an Easter Egg hunt. My mom’s never good at finding hidden eggs, she just stands in the kitchen and yells “Egg? EGG! Has anyone seen egg?” but I thought the rest of us could have some fun.
By:Ian Fortey|April 9, 2012
An Ode To Waiting For An Oil Change At The Dealership
Oh, waiting room at the dealership filled with various deadened souls staring blankly at pasty walls as the thick scent of stale coffee hangs in the air. You are what I, and probably most of us, imagine limbo to be. It’s a nether realm between joy and torment. The joy exists in the hope that at any given minute our car will be ready, and we will ride away from this room that is perpetually frozen in time. The torment exists in the fact that, without a car and without friends to pick us up, this room will be our lives for the foreseeable future.
By:Luis Prada|April 6, 2012
My Twitter Nemesis: M Night Shyamalan
Read this - M Night Shyamalan had a meteoric rise to fame then proceeded to make nothing but shitty movies. TWIST ENDING! That was a tweet you won’t find on twitter. Know why? It was eaten by the internet. That’s not true, I posted it as a reply to someone else but, for whatever reason, I could not tweet it directly. This is not the first time this has happened.
By:Ian Fortey|April 6, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Sticky Buddy
This is what you get for ripping off the Shamwow guy!
By:Ian Fortey|April 6, 2012
Terrible News For Nerds: Jocks Are Actually Smart
High school is a trying time for some, and the best of times for others. As the old stereotype goes, the jocks are dumb and the nerds will inherit the earth. But science has proven at least one of those stereotypes wrong.
By:Luis Prada|April 5, 2012
The GIF Hole
Don't you hate it when you go to a game and the guy in front of you is also wearing a green, stretchy full body stocking?
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2012
Pitching 5 New Shows to TLC
If you know anything about me it’s that I start a lot of articles with this joke. But you may also know I have a fascination with TLC, the one-time Learning Channel. Like KFC when they dropped “chicken” from the name and started using possum meat (allegedly), TLC had to drop the learning moniker when it became clear their audience was made up of people whose IQs were just rolling back like an odometer at a shady autobody joint.
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Google Glasses
Ahh, Google glasses. Probably nothing like this.
By:Ian Fortey|April 5, 2012
The GIF Hole
Oh, GIFS, you're so animated. But yeah, that dolphin's totally ramming that person.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2012
Troll Hunter: Arizona Wants Ban Internet Trolling
Internet trolls suck. Trolls can make the internet really fun. Both of those opinions have some truth to them, like most things in life. So, what does Arizona want to do? Screw’em all and start making it illegal to troll on the internet in any way, shape, or form, simply because someone might get offended. They’re doing this as a part of Arizona’s new “We Don’t Understand How The World Works And We’re Frightened By Change” initiative that aims to make Arizona the perfect state for old people that think ethnic people were born out of the bacteria crapped out by white people and the human race should have stopped innovating when we created the telegraph.
By:Luis Prada|April 4, 2012
The Walking Carl: Chapter 1
Dear Diary, Dad’s pretty angry with everyone right now. I think it’s because everyone seems to be a dipshit but I can’t be sure (I’m Carl, after all). We had to leave the farm after dad and I accidentally lead the entire undead population of Georgia to Mr. Herschel’s farm. Even Mr. Herschel’s extremely well loaded shotgun couldn’t keep them all away, there were just that many. I suggested we all go for a walk in the woods, it seems to keep me out of trouble when stuff is going on, but I don’t think anyone heard me over all the screaming. It’s sad that some people died, too, but it’s also weird that none of us knew their names.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Zombie Ass (NSFW)
I guess this is a real thing. I want to think it's insane and awesome, but I bet I couldn't sit through the whole thing.
By:Ian Fortey|April 4, 2012
It’s a Prank Contest! (The contest is not a prank)
Do you like the pranks? Check this contest out!
By:Ian Fortey|April 3, 2012
Daily Links
Best of Taco
Holy links
Popular Tacos
- 5 Cliches That Stand Up Comedians Need to Retire
- Lemmy Asks: Will My Action Figure Have A Penis?
- Leprechaun In Alabama
- 5 Things Your Girlfriend Says and What They Really Mean
- 25 Awesome Homeless Guy Signs
- Letters to Annoying People on Halloween
- Our 700 Billion Dollar Bailout Conspiracy Theory
- Ana Lucia Dominguez
- If Movie Posters Were Honest
- Are Kelly Clarkson's Thighs Fat or The Fattest?
