The Krazy Kraft Kuisine Kontrivance
It recently occurred to me that Kraft makes both Miracle Whip and Mac and Cheese, two foods that depress me to no end. Miracle Whip was invented as some kind of mayo knock off and tastes nothing like it, it just looks the same and I don’t even know what it’s for. Is it for sandwiches? It’s not good on sandwiches. Is it for salads? It’s not good in salads. And don’t you dare make dip out of it.
By:Ian Fortey|March 20, 2013
The 4 Saddest Canned Foods Ever
This article needs to be clarified right off the bat. It’s not about gross canned foods, there are lots of those articles out there showing off pig brains and canned duck penis and who knows what else. This is focused on foods that are just depressing in the way that the person who eats them must cry in the shower a lot for seemingly no reason.
By:Ian Fortey|March 19, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Elmo Road Rage
is this guy doing an Antoine Dodson impression?
By:Ian Fortey|March 19, 2013
25 Names For Your Future Mexican Restaurant
As you may have guessed, we have a love for tacos up in here. Taco Bell, Taco Del Mar, Taco…well, that’s all we know. But if a joint sells tacos, we respect them because they’re delicious in pretty much every way. That said, we need more Mexican restaurants out there.
By:Ian Fortey|March 18, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Winter is Coming
Is this funny in any way? No. And I don't care. Game of the Thrones is awesome ans you're all invited to come over and watch it with me.
By:Ian Fortey|March 18, 2013
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 15th
Last week audiences were whisked away to Oz and from the looks of things this week we’re about to be whisked away to a placed no one gives a shit about. Yeah, it’s another slow looking week of shrugs and turds but there may be one or two gems in there if you dig for them. That was a lazy metaphor befitting a lazy week of movies.
By:Ian Fortey|March 15, 2013
The Morning Jolt: $90 Low Carb Bread Rage
This video seemed boring at first but when he cleaned that ketchup I couldn't stop laughing.
By:Ian Fortey|March 15, 2013
My 25 Favorite People on Twitter
Twitter is the only social media platform I don’t hate.
By:Ian Fortey|March 14, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Louis CK Has Nice Boots
Even a positive heckle is unwanted.
By:Ian Fortey|March 14, 2013
What Your Sex Toy Says About You
Say, you like treating your body like an amusement park, right? Sure you do! It’s the reason we all have dongs and lady dongs, whatever those may be. But is there some secret to what rubber or plaster widget makes your gitch twitch? Is there a hidden language of love? A special sauce on …this paragraph makes no sense.
By:Ian Fortey|March 13, 2013
The 7 Worst Films I Have Ever Seen
There’s much to be said about the “worst” thing ever. The worst band, worst food, worst TV show, worst venereal disease. It’s a whole thing and often is rife with hyperbole. I could right now say that Michael Bay makes the worst movies ever, but that is not true.
By:Ian Fortey|March 12, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Paula Deen Slo Mo
This starts out slow but man, give it a chance.
By:Ian Fortey|March 12, 2013
25 Things to do on Spring Break when you don’t get Spring Break
Spring Break is the domain of children and young adults whose chief responsibilities include beer and tits. Man, that’s awesome. But this will only work for a few years after which time you’re going to have to think up a new Spring Break plan of action. Maybe you need to consider that this year as, realistically, even a 24 or 25 year old at Spring Break is getting a little pervy. Here’s 25 things you may want to consider doing instead of heading down to Florida or Mexico.
By:Ian Fortey|March 11, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Awards are Stupid
Jerry Seinfeld sums up awards in 5 minutes.
By:Ian Fortey|March 11, 2013
Reviewing Movies we Haven’t Seen Yet: March 8th
Last week I actually saw Jack the Giant Slayer and it should be used to teach future generations about mediocrity. I’m as sour as an old spinster when I write these, aren’t I? Just crusty and unhappy about everything. Curse you Hollywood, make stuff I can be happy about!
By:Ian Fortey|March 8, 2013
What’s the Deal with..?
You’ve likely heard the Seinfeldian line “what’s the deal with airplane peanuts?” before. It was in an episode of the show when George decided to shirk his duties helping Jerry upon reflecting that Jerry makes dumb jokes like “what’s the deal with airplane peanuts?” It was some self aware humor.
By:Ian Fortey|March 7, 2013
The Morning Jolt: Booty Calls
I love David Koechner but man is he the opposite of sex.
By:Ian Fortey|March 7, 2013
25 Things You Can Say To Your Dog but Not Your Date
Just to clarify, we’re not saying you can’t say these things, just maybe never on a first date until you’ve established some kind of proper rapport that supports such things. Also, last minute edit, I’m told I lifted this idea from Whose Line is it Anyway, which I very well may have done. But it still made me laugh, so apologies if I actually plagiarized any of these.
By:Ian Fortey|March 6, 2013
Daily Links
Best of Taco
Holy links
Popular Tacos
- Can You Please Just Do What The Sign Says?
- What Your Sex Toy Says About You
- 10 Items You Think Make You Cool, But Don't
- 25 Alternate Names for Kanye West’s New Album
- What's Up With Iggy's Shoes?
- It's Yao, Not Yum
- Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser
- Midgedor
- Kiss A Girl And Go To Hell
- I Think We're Alone Now...In Prison
