Holy Taco’s Top 10 Most Popular Articles of 2011
Another year has come to an end and as we look back, we can all say Holy Taco provided a solid year of awesome. In fact, it was super awesome. We were nominated for awards, we made tender love to many sexy ladies and we got gassy after many exquisite meals. It was delightful. But what was the best of everything? It’s hard to pick the most valuable diamond, the most tasty beer, the most stupid Kardashian, but lucky for us we have Google Analytics that tells us what was the best of the year without us even having to stress our brains (later in the day we’ll stress our brains and pick favorite articles, but for now, these are your favorites as dictated by how many people read them).
By:Ian Fortey|December 30, 2011
The Morning Jolt: The Only Thing We Ever Do with Condoms
Our office is the saddest rave ever, 24/7. Yes, this will be at our New Years party
By:Ian Fortey|December 30, 2011
My 10 Resolutions For 2012
It’s customary for all of us to make ourselves a series of promises at the end of the year – promises we hope to keep and never waver from in the coming 365 days. A lot of the times we don’t follow through because we realize just how much work goes in to changing ourselves for the better, and that being a lazy scumbag is kind of fun when you don’t bother anyone else with it. In an effort to foster some genuine change in my life, I’m going to post my 10 New Year’s resolutions for all of you to read; to keep me honest and motivated and held accountable. I will admit, some of these goals are a bit out of reach, but as long as I work hard I’ll at least be able to come close to making some or even all of these hopes and dreams a reality. Befriending a wish-granting genie would also help.
By:Luis Prada|December 29, 2011
GIF Attack!
I used this GIF as the header image because the one I really wanted to use was too explicit. It's not terribly offensive or gross, but it's...weird. And maybe a little bit NSFW. Just view the whole gallery and watch the first GIF after the break. You'll see. Oh, and yes, it's real.
By:Luis Prada|December 29, 2011
A Late Review of ‘Mars Needs Moms’
*Editor's Note: The following film review was written nine months after the reviewer saw the movie. The reviewer was also, by his own admission "intermittently nodding off through the whole thing." "Mars Needs Moms" was a great movie. It had action, adventure, aliens, and moms. That's all you really need to make a great action/comedy/animated/drama flick. Disney made this one. Pretty sure, anyway. It looks a lot like "Polar Express," which was probably one of the most magically creepy movies I've ever seen. I'm not a fan of that animation though, it feels like a ninety-minute videogame cut scene.
By:Jim Tews|December 29, 2011
Dubstep Grandma
Dubstepping Grandma - Watch MoreFunny Videos Time To Bring Open The Gimp (truTV) Dilshad Vadsaria Hotness (Maxim) The Best Action Movies of 2011 (Ranker) Hilary Duff's Bootay (Popoholic) Matrix Brain Downloads: Fact (FunnyCrave) Songs To Help Mobile (AdultSwim) I Survived A Zombie Holocaust (TotallyCrap) No. F-ing. Way (Lulzpics) Pictures We Still Can't Explain (RegretfulMorning) Walking Drunk > Driving Drunk (BroBible) How To Ask Out Your Receptionist (TheSmokingJacket) The Best Women of 2011 (Guyism) Fighting...For Jesus? (TheDailyWhat) Victoria Silvestedt Hotness (CelebSlam) Riley Marx Hotness (GorillaMask) Worst Tattoo Of All Time (Ranker) Alien Themed Whorehouse in Nevada (ScreenJunkies) Ben Affleck As Serious Harry Ellis (FilmDrunk)
By:admin|December 29, 2011
25 Less Than Intimidating Cowboys
Once upon a time, cowboys were bad ass gunslinger. Then, one day, they discovered sequins.
By:Ian Fortey|December 29, 2011
2012 in Epic Nerdery
As most of us get ready to indulge in another year of kickassery slathered in awesome sauce, talking to hot babes and wearing the most luxurious of knee socks, some of us are taping our glasses and visibly twitching with unrestrained glee as the prospect of a new year full of nerdy loot approaches. What treasures does 2012 hold for the socially maladjusted and virginal? Good thing HT editors fit the bill so we can flesh out this article with examples of some of the ultra coolest nerdery to look forward to in 2012. Buckle up those suspenders, it’s going to be totally rad!
By:Ian Fortey|December 29, 2011
Indeed…
People Are Awesome 2 - Watch MoreFunny Videos Long Lines, Short Tempers (truTV) Dilshad Valdsaria Hotness (Maxim) How To Avoid 'The Book Was Better' Backlash (Nerve) Destiny's Child Holidays (Clutch) Terrifying Children For Christmas (FunnyCrave) The Best Bikini Bods of 2011 (Linkiest) Aunt Viv Hates Will Smith (DogAndPony) Coutnries and Coastlines...From Space (ebaums) The Best Derp Faced Mugshots (RegretfulMorning) Kathrin Werderitsch Hotness (TotallyCrap) Accidentally Sexual Logos (PopCrunch) Alternative New Years Eve Plans (JackFM) Fapping With Fruit (LulzShirts) Elyse Taylor Hotness (CampusSocialite) The Worst Mens Hair Fads of All Time (Guyism) Todays Dead Leader is...(TheDailyWhat) Amber Hauser Hotness (DJMick) Depressing Google Autofill Results For Your Job (ForkParty) Brooke Burns Bikini Pics (MoeJackson) Watch Senna...Now On Netflix (Heavy) Die Hard, Interrupted (FilmDrunk) Sherra Hotness (GorillaMask) What People Do On New Years (egoTV) Mischa Barton's Bikini Pics (HollywoodTuna) The Hottest Girl You'll See Today (DoubleViking) The Greatest MMA Photos of 2011 (CagePotato)
By:admin|December 28, 2011
And This Is What The Joker Would Look Like If He Were A Creepy Baby Doll
Hey, remember how Heath Ledger’s portrayal of the Joker in The Dark Knight was really creepy and unnerving? Yeah, well, now it’s a baby. Ha! Now try to get to sleep! We’re just layering creepy on top of creepy at this point because we’ve gotten tired of the old clichés of creepiness. We all hate the vapid, cold stares of porcelain baby dolls, and we all think clowns are scary, so, hey, why not combine the vaguely murderous visage of a dead-eyed baby doll with the clothing and makeup of the most terrifying clown from recent pop culture memory? And, on top of all that, let’s make it 1:6 scale. 1:6 scale as compared to what, you ask? It’s 1:6 the creepiness you would feel if this thing were life sized, posed innocuously in the corner of your bed room, in that one spot where the little bit of light that cuts through your window blinds splashes across the doll’s eyes at 3:30 AM. So, imagine all that, just 1:6 of it. And with guns.
By:Luis Prada|December 28, 2011
GIF Attack!
Yup. And that's what it was like to play Sonic the Hedgehog on the Sega Genesis back in 1994, kids.
By:Luis Prada|December 28, 2011
What You Could Buy With The $206-Million Mega Millions Jackpot, If You’d Actually Won It
We're not here to rub it in your face, but you didn't win the Mega Millions. We know that because only one guy won it, he's in New York, rich people don't read Holy Taco, and you're not rich (we know that because we're inside you.) The Mega Millions is a multi-state lottery game with monstrous jackpots. This time around, it was $206-Million, and the winner was a New Yorker. If he takes the cash option, he'll only walk away with a measly $151.9 Million after taxes. That's still more money than you will ever see in your entire life. If you are someone, or you know someone with that kind of money, then you shouldn't be reading this. You should be taking a bath in one-hundred dollar bills and blaming poor people for their own problems. It's fun/depressing to think about what one could do with such a huge sum of money. You could feed a nation and change the world, or you could do something hilarious and eccentric...
By:Jim Tews|December 28, 2011
Fire It Up
Why You Don't Light Fireworks Indoors - Watch MoreFunny Videos Get Your Fries Squeeze (truTV) Veronika Fasterova Hotness (TotallyCrap) Carly Craig Hotness (Maxim) This Years Golden Globes Snubs (Ranker) Matrix Style Downloads Are Real! (FunnyCrave) Hilary Duff is Huge (Popoholic) The Hottest Canadians Out There (Linkiest) Russians Montage of Destruction (BroBible) A Womans Needs (LulzShirts) If Masturbation Were Illegal…(Guyism) 9 Laughable Photoshop Fails (RegretfulMorning) The Worst Parents On TV (TheSmokingJacket) Nurse Quest (AdultSwim) McDonalds > Burger King (TheDailyWhat) Ali Lohan: Eating Disorder? (CelebSlam) Brett Easton Ellis Wants American Psycho Remake (FilmDrunk) Awkward Wedding Photos (SuperBooyah) Iraq War is Ovah! (IAmBored) 5 New Archer Promos (ScreenJunkies)
By:Noah G|December 28, 2011
25 Awful Nature Sweaters
Oh sorry, did we say awful? We meant awesome. Awesome sweaters.
By:Ian Fortey|December 28, 2011
2012 End of the World Preparedness Guide
So 2011 is just about over but more importantly, it’s the last full year any of us will ever get to experience. 2012 is the end of everything if morons are to be believed, and when are morons ever wrong? No, the world is coming to an end in just under a year so it would behoove us all to start 2012 prepared for how all of existence will end. Do you need to be in a bomb shelter, do you need bottled water, should you start having sex with all your friends in dirty back alleys? So many questions. Lucky for you, Holy Taco has answers. Grab a drink and get ready for the End of the World!
By:Ian Fortey|December 28, 2011
The Morning Jolt: Punching Bag Robbery
The best part of this comes at the end when you find out he made the dude clean up his own blood. Oh, um, spoiler.
By:Ian Fortey|December 28, 2011
One Lucky SOB
Lucky Driver On Icy Roads - Watch MoreFunny Videos Behold, The Bizarre Bait Car (truTV) Willa Holland Hotness (Maxim) Kim Jong Il Internet Reactions (Ranker) Whitney Port Is Getting Hotter And Hotter (Ranker) Things You Should Know About Online Dating (TheSmokingJacket) Why Wasn’t Breaking Bad Nominated? (FunnyCrave) A Dog Shaking In Water (RegretfulMorning) Runaway Cart Bowling (TotallyCrap) Sex…With A Raccoon? (Lulzshirts) The Hottest Photoshoots of 2011 (BroBible) For Your Catsideration (TheDailyWhat) Brooke Burke’s Sex Life (CelebSlam) Why Santa Is Not A Good Holiday Icon (Guyism) Michelle Mayden Hotness (GorillaMask) 25 Awkward Wedding Photos (SuperBooyah) Holiday Gifts That Will Send A Message (AdultSwim) Florida Teen Destroys Stores (IAmBored) Dexter’s 9 Greatest Kills (ScreenJunkies) The Worst Movies of 2011 (FilmDrunk)
By:admin|December 27, 2011
The 7 People You Meet In A Mall Riot
Mall of America is one of America’s temples -- our holy lands, if you will -- of consumerism. It’s like a cathedral constructed to honor the gods of credit cards, seasonal sales, and big plates of generic food court Chinese food. A gang of ruffians incited a riot in the Mall of America in Minnesota on Monday, thus sullying one of our holiest of holies. Was this riot sparked by some fed up Occupy Wallstreeters rallying against corporate greed and consumerism? Was this a Tea Party demonstration that got out of control? NOPE! It was all because some people thought Lil’Wayne and Drake were in the mall. Not even to perform. Someone thought two musicians were in the mall to shop, so everyone robbed each other as a response. And their presence in the Mall of America wasn’t even confirmed. Some guy probably just made up some bullshit and everyone lost their minds, like some form of unexplainable case of hip hop-centric mass hysteria; as if when the words “Drake” and “Lil’Wayne” are spoken in the same sentence it triggers our dormant hypnotic suggestion and it makes us kill. Ultimately, no one actually knows how the riot was sparked. The idea of a riot in a mall is silly to me, for some reason. Having grown up surrounded by malls and mall culture I like to imagine the various mall stereotypes as action figure characters.
By:Luis Prada|December 27, 2011
7 Things To Avoid On New Year’s Eve
New Year's Eve is fast approaching everyone! What are you going to do? Where are you going to party? Who are you going to regrettably make out with? So many questions! It's understandable, I mean, you want to send off the old year and bring in the new one in as memorable a way possible. I prefer to let the end of the old year and the beginning of the new one blend together in a noisy, grey fog of drunk people, but that's always a bad idea. I'd love to tell you how to do New Year's Eve right, but given my past, I'm much more qualified to tell you what not to do. I could probably compile a list of mistakes I've made on this one night every year since I was old enough to make my own decisions. However, this is the internet and people don't have the attention spans to read through a list that long. So, we've narrowed it down to our top ten. Use this as a handy guide to keep your New Year's Eve safe and free from life-altering mistakes.
By:Jim Tews|December 27, 2011
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