Is Hugo Chavez A Man Or A Mouse?
C'mon gang! Sing along with me to the tune of the Mickey Mouse theme! H-U-G...Gee, you're crazy! O-C-H...H-Bomb? We hope You never get one! A-V-E-Zeeee Yay! Wasn't that fun! Photo credit: REUTERS/Lula Marques-Folha
By:|April 3, 2008
Link Time
Discarded electronics are full of gold (asylum) Dodger fan wastes beer on Red Sox fan (busted coverage) Sarah Match Maxim Russia (camel tap) Petra Nemcova is an attractive woman (double viking) Rumored Shakira sex tape? (tastybooze) Volvo cars are loud (complex) Muppet Bloopers (college Humor) Who doesn't love Suzanne Stokes? Who?! (hornyoyster) 10 best videos of hot chicks being spanked (Unibrow)
By:|April 2, 2008
John Mayer Bi-Sexual?
On the left is HILARIOUS comedian and sometimes musician John Mayer. On the right is either a show pig from the county fair that looks like a human, or a human from the county fair that looks like a show pig. Either way a) it deserves a prize and b) its name is Perez Hilton and it claims that it made out with John Mayer, which technically means John Mayer likes dudes. At least that's according to the show pig. Usmagazine.com reports: Celeb blogger Perez Hilton hit the airwaves Thursday morning to detail an alleged recent make-out he had with the singer. "He is definitely bi," Hilton declared on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show, adding that Mayer is "struggling with his sexuality." Of their liplock at NYC club Stereo last year, Hilton said, "He kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was on the mouth with tongue. I wonder if when Perez Hilton told Ryan Seacrest that Mayer was bi, a loud "THUMP" was heard in Seacrest's studio due to his sudden erection hitting the underside of the table he was sitting at. As much as it might make sense that Mayer is bi, Perez's story definitely does not make sense. If you're John Mayer, you can pretty much have the pick of whatever gay dudes you want, that also don't run celebrity gossip sites. It makes no sense he'd pick Perez Hilton. It'd be like me going to a fancy buffet in Las Vegas and asking the waiter, "What's the least expensive thing I can eat here that will also give me diarrhea?" Mayer's rep tells Usmagazine.com, "This is all so ridiculous." Simpson's rep had no comment. He may not have made out with Perez Hilton, but I saw a release of his new album cover, and I think he's trying to tell us something.
By:|April 2, 2008
John McCain: “Heidi Montag Is Talented”
If he's willing to call Heidi Montag "talented" in order to get elected, here's a few other quotes you're going to be hearing from him in the future: "The Olive Garden is delicious. It feels just like I'm eating at someone's home in Sicily." "Driving a late 90s model Ford Ranger is just pure enjoyment." "I hope my grand kids turn out to be just like Elizabeth Hasselbeck." "I can not WAIT for the next installment of the Alien Vs. Predator series." "I'm what you call a pro-lifechoicer."
By:|April 2, 2008
What’s The Deal With Seinfeld Flipping His Car?
Remember that episode of Seinfeld when Jerry was driving along an East Hampton, NY road and his breaks went out and his car flipped over? Oh man, that one was way better than the one where Elaine's boss ate a Snickers with a fork! Oh, wait, that wasn't an episode. According to huffingtonpost.com it actually happened yesterday: Jerry Seinfeld was in a harrowing rollover wreck but was unhurt after the brakes on one of his vintage cars failed. Seinfeld tried the emergency brake, to no avail, and then swerved to keep the car from careering into an intersection, Sarris said. The comedian took the crash in snide. "Because I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do," the Post quoted him as saying. "It is not something I plan to make a habit of." What do you think that wacky Kramer would say about this? I bet it would be something like, "Oh mamma!" or "Stick a fork in me. I'm done!" or "N-word! N-word! N-word!" Yeah, I bet Kramer would say something like that. Did I mention how wacky he is?
By:|April 2, 2008
There’s Nothing More Relaxing Than A Meatscape
I'm going to come out and say that I hate art. I hate museums, I hate auctions, I hate people who wear ascots and talk about the "vision" of some painting that looks like it was made when a fourth-grader spilled his paint tray all over a canvas. But I do like meat. A lot. So this series of artistic collages of Meatscapes by genius Nicolas Lampert can only be called Meatsterpieces. I would like to thank Nicolas for finally putting art into a context I can understand. A delicious context. A few of my favorites are below, but you can see the whole collection here.
By:|April 2, 2008
This Cat Really Likes To Masturbate
Masturbating Cat - Watch more free videos It takes a brave soul to masturbate when there is a set of razor sharp claws attached to the end of your hands/paws. But sometimes you just gotta do what you just gotta do. And what you gotta do it put on some 1960s sultry French music, hike your legs up in the air and paw at your genitals for a few minutes before finishing yourself off with your own tongue. Sounds like a standard Tuesday evening to me.
By:|April 2, 2008
Taco Belle: Gisele Bundchen’s Ass
Age: 27 (about the same age as Gisele) Where you've seen her ass: It's usually seen hanging out with Tom Brady's ass (which, hopefully, will never be featured on HolyTaco.) Tantalizing tidbit: Worth an estimated $150 million, Gisele's ass is one of the richest asses in the world. When asked about its popularity, Gisele's ass responded, "Hang on. I have to take a shit."
By:|April 2, 2008
Link Time
20 craziest breakfast cereals ever made (asylum) Bronson Arroyo, go away. Please (Busted Coverage) Filipa De Castro in FHM (Camel Tap) Florida Teens are literally idiots (tastybooze) Who is Alice Greczyn (complex) Mena Suvari in a bikini (hornyoyster) Bruno caught in Kansas airport (college humor) 10 greatest celebrity renditions of take me out to the ball game (unibrow) 7 least manliest TV themes (Double Viking)
By:|April 1, 2008
George Clooney Robbed At Gunpoint
Couple more stories like these and Sudan's NEVER going to get to host the Olympics. Usmagazine.com reports: During a recent trip to southern Sudan, [George Clooney] said he was going through checkpoints when muggers attacked him. "There were all these young kids with AK47s," Clooney, 46, tells British men's magazine Zoo Weekly. "They pointed guns at us and stole what they could. It happens all the time." There's no way he was that calm and collected while a group of Sudanese muggers holding AK-47s mugged him. I'm pretty sure his asshole made sure to introduce his pants to his shit. What's more interesting to me about this story, is that there's some dude in Sudan walking around with Clooney's stuff. Maybe he'll come to America and steal Clooney's identity and people will be like, "Hey, you sure you're George Clooney?" and the Sudanese dude will blink a few times intensely, purse his lips, and say in a really forced American accent "No no, I am in fact Mr. Clooney. Watch as I tell a self deprecating joke, then immediately segue into a serious social topic." Then everyone will be like "Wow. I'm sorry I doubted you." Anyway, I found the Sudanese dude, and he showed me what he took off Clooney.
By:|April 1, 2008
Give-A-Wednesday: Win MLB 08 The Show for PSP
Write a caption for this photo of a kickass party and you can win a copy of MLB 08 The Show for the PSP. As usual, leave your captions in the comments section. Winners will be notified via email. See last week's winners after the jump.
By:|April 1, 2008
Yep, This Is A Bacon Bra
I don't think you can buy this anywhere, but it's just nice to know that somewhere, at some point, a woman (who needs to take the ol' razor to her armpits, by the way) was wearing a bra made only out of bacon. I know bacon has been celebrated for many reasons already. But it's now time to add "it can also hold up boobs" to the long list of reasons why it is the world's greatest food. Delicious. via GorillaMask.net
By:|April 1, 2008
Sarah Jessica Parker Love Doll?
This my friends, is a Sarah Jessica Parker love doll found on a German site called bildschirmarbeiter.com, by a reader who wishes to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. Why you would want a SJP love doll, I have no idea. It'd be like be going to The Home Depot for lunch. I swear to you I did not make this in photoshop. If I had, I would have used an actual picture of Sarah Jessica Parker and not what is clearly a transvestite who shockingly looks almost exactly like SJP. Plus, if I could come up with both "Sarah Jessica Porkher" and "She Loves Sex In Her Shitty," I wouldn't be wasting my time as a blogger, I'd be show running "Two and a Half Men." The greatest part about this is that this website offers several of these celebrity love dolls and none of the models look ANYTHING like the celebrities. Take a look at J-Lo's, or should I say "J-Ho's." I'm pretty sure this was just the first hispanic woman that walked past their office.
By:|April 1, 2008
The Holy Taco Tribute To Thighs
The ass man, the boob man and the weirdo with the foot fetish seem to get all the attention these days. But what about the thigh man? His lecherous love of the thigh has gone overlooked for too long. So we at HolyTaco (being the most thoughtful, caring and considerate website on Internets) put together a helpful pictorial to help the thigh man get through the day. Enjoy. Also check out our tribute to boobs and the history of boobs in 60 seconds.
By:|April 1, 2008
Heidi Montag Votes For McCain
So, a couple days ago I reported that Sarah Jessica Parker's 5-year-old is endorsing Barack Obama. Now, someone who probably urinates on themselves more frequently than SJP's kid, has made her endorsement. Usmagazine.com reports: Hills Star Heidi Montag isn't voting for Hillary. "I'm voting for John McCain," she tells Us Weekly in its latest issue, on newsstands now. "I'm a Republican and McCain has a lot of experience," she explains. I don't think she's taken a real good look at McCain's stance on the issues. I went to McCain's website today and perused through his plans if elected president. I think she should take a look at this:
By:|April 1, 2008
How To: Call In Sick to Work
Basically, work sucks. So here's a step-by-step guide for calling in "sick. Use it when you're too lazy to get up, hung-over, or would rather watch re-runs of Mr. Belvedere. 1) PICK THE DAY The ideal situation is when you know which day you want to take off. Think of it as a nice mini-vacation. You don't go to Rome without an itinerary, do you? Decide which day you want (Tuesday-Thursday works best), make sure you don't have any crazy important meetings, and schedule a night out with your friends ASAP. 2) CHOOSE YOUR AILMENT Do you think Johnny Depp just walked onto the Pirates of the Caribbean set without hanging out with some one-eyes? No. An actor doesn't go into a role without researching his character. Same goes for picking an illness. You'll want to research the symptoms, know the recovery time (you might be able to buy two or three days off from this), recognize the medications, and start faking. Here's a list of common ailments that will buy you some time off of work without getting you fired: Pink Eye Vomiting/Stomach Flu Ear infection Strep Throat Sprained Ankle* Flu/Fever *Requires accessory
By:|April 1, 2008
Is This Photo Saying What I Think It’s Saying?
OK OK, jeez. I won't pee anywhere near there. I promise. Just put the scissors away.
By:|April 1, 2008
Taco Belle: Alessandra Ambrosio
Age: 26 Where you've seen her: Since Alessandra Ambrosio is a model, you've seen her in a bunch of advertisements for clothes you would never buy. Tantalizing tidbit: When Alessandra works out, she does an exercise called the "Brazilian Butt Lift," which sounds hot, but is actually just a mix of samba, capoeira and aerobics. I'm also not sure if she should be doing that now that she's pregnant.
By:|April 1, 2008
Link Time
World's greatest hoaxes finally revealed (asylum) Michelle Ryan drinks warm beer (Busted coverage) Ana Tatangelo is attractive (Camel Tap) Top 100 April fools day hoaxes (tastybooze) Q Tires would do James Bond proud (Complex) College Humor likes April Fools Day (College Humor) Christopher Walken reads 3 little pigs (Unibrow) Squirrels like guns a lot (outdoor life) Oh to be a Florida Marlins fan (Chatterbalks) Featured Babe of the Day: Sarah Racey (hornyoyster) Double Viking also likes April Fools Day (Double Viking)
By:|March 31, 2008
Justin Timberlake Plays Baseball?
I actually don't mind Justin Timberlake that much, but in this picture, he looks like the kid in little league who starts crying in the on deck circle because he knows how humiliating his upcoming at bat is going to be. People.com, tell us why Justin is doing this: Justin Timberlake gets into the swing of things , literally! , while filming a sporty scene for the comedy The Open Road Sunday in Corpus Christi, Texas. The movie tells the story of a baseball legend's son who hits the road with his girlfriend and his father. I think what's more troubling about this picture is that with that swing, he could probably hit third for the San Diego Padres. In other news, I hear Camryn Manheim is starring in a movie about linebacker Shawne Merriman. Let's take a look at her in costume on the set! Look at that! She's got his patented "lights out" dance down and everything.
By:|March 31, 2008
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