Holy Taco

Kristin Davis Sex Tape

I was gonna post about this bad ass TV that materializes from under your bed, but this story came along. Kristin Davis, who's famous for her role as "The Brown Haired Annoying Chick" on "That One Super Annoying Show Your Girlfriend Treats As The F-ing Bible" on HBO has now fallen victim to yet another Hollywood sex scandal. TMZ.com reports: Rumors have been floating around the Internet that there is a sex tape featuring "Sex and the City's" Kristin Davis. The photos, we're told, were snapped in 1992 by an ex-boyfriend. That's right, they are just photos -- no sex tape, fellas! According to reports, 20 photos are making the rounds, but actually it's not quite 20. We're told the ex-boyfriend was pissed at Kristin and then sold the photos to a third party. In 1992, no one knew Al Gore would invent the internet, so she probably thought the worst that could happen is he'd show it to friends. Look, I love naked pictures too, but the way I deal with it is to just hire a clown to draw etch-a-sketches of my girlfriend and I having sex. It's much harder to widely circulate those. Here are the pics. Some are saying it's not her. Either way, VERY NSFW.

By:|March 19, 2008

Shia LaBeouf Wanted By Police

As much as I think Shia LaBeouf is a douche, and I do, I would say maybe the police are taking shit a bit seriously if he gets taken down for this: TMZ.com reports a warrant has been issued for the arrest of Shia LaBeouf. LaBeouf received a ticket February 18 in Burbank for unlawful smoking, a misdemeanor. He was supposed to appear in court at 8:30 AM, but neither he nor a lawyer showed -- so a $1,000 bench warrant was issued for Shia's arrest. I think they should make him donate that 1,000 dollars to a charity I've created called "People who wasted 138 minutes of their life watching Transformers thinking it would be fun, but instead had to sit through his shitty acting and a retarded homo-erotic story line between Shia and Optimus Prime." I call it "PWW1MOTLWTTIWBFBIHTSTHSAARHSLBSAOP" for short. Now that I think about it, I hope he does go to jail. Then I hope Gary Busey purposely commits a crime so that he can be sent to that prison in order to break Shia out. It would result in several minute conversations consisting of Busey saying "Hey! I tattooed a map of the escape exits on my back, we just gotta follow them out!," and Shia saying "Those aren't tattoos. You just rubbed your own feces on your back in the shape of a square. Please, get away from me." Tell me you wouldn't watch that show.

By:|March 18, 2008

Link Time

Out Of Control St. Patrick's Day Fight (Busted Coverage) Barack Obama-sistible! (Double Viking) It's a nerd cake (Camel Tap) 7 Deadly dating sins and how to avoid them (Just A Guy Thing) Winemaker insures his nose for 8 million (Asylum) Sled Smart (Tasty Booze) 7pm Suicide Girl: Machete (Coedmagazine) Kristen Cavallari got lucky at 13 (complex) 10 greatest mascot fights of all time (Unibrow)

By:|March 18, 2008

Give-A-Wednesday: Win FIFA Street 3

Write a caption for this photo of Vinnie Jones getting to know his opponent and you can win a copy of FIFA Street 3 for the Xbox 360. As usual, leave your captions in the comments section. Winners will be notified via email. See last week's winner after the jump.

By:|March 18, 2008

Audrina Patridge From The Hills Is Naked

So, apparently the chick from The Hills, Audrina Patridge, wanted to get into Playboy Magazine when she was younger, and took some naked pictures. You can see them at wwtdd.com. The reaction in the "press" is one of surprise that she took naked photos. She's on a reality show that makes her look like she snorted a mountain of cocaine and then went retarded, so I'm guessing it wasn't a huge decision for her to show her boobies. Surprising would be if it was reported that Audrina from the Hills laid out a detailed proposal for a universal health care plan. That would be surprising. Showing boobies, not surprising.

By:|March 18, 2008

1 in 4 Japanese Couples Don’t Have Sex

If you think people in Japan are spending all their time screwing each other, well, you're wrong. According to fleshbot.com: One-quarter of married couples in Japan have had no sex in the past year, a survey showed. Sex is particularly elusive as people grow older, with the study finding that 37.3 percent of Japanese married couples in their 50s were not having sex. There was no comparable data for other countries but earlier surveys by condom manufacturer Durex has put Japan among the world's least sexually active nations. After doing a little research, I came up with a few reasons why the Japanese folk aren't getting it on as much as they should: 1. Sex is on the list of things that dishonors your ancestors and brings shame upon your family. Also on that list: not getting into Harvard, losing your job, and giving birth to a daughter. 2. White American businessmen's "Asian fetish" and the sex tourism industry leave no Asian women for Asian men. 3. Seeing your wife in a bukkakke video kinda kills the mood. 4. While American men use their knowledge of baseball to prolong sexual intercourse, Asian men use their knowledge of baseball to make sure no one wants to have sex with them. 5. Many Asian women fear the fabled myth known as Godzilla Penis..

By:|March 18, 2008

Spitzer’s Whore Is At It Again

Covering the "whores who had sex with governors" beat is a lot busier than I had expected. In addition to having sexual congress with New York's ex-governor, our girl Ashley Dupre (aka Spitzer's Swallower) apparently appeared in one of the illustrious Girls Gone Wild videos back in 2003. Click here to see a short clip of her dancing around in a bikini. There's no nudity, but if you're at work and your boss is the kind of person who says stuff like, "I don't pay you to watch short videos of girls dancing around in their bikinis. Now go fax yourself." then maybe you shouldn't watch this if he's looking over your shoulder. If he's not the kind of person who says that stuff, then I suggest you watch it immediately. Courtesy of NS4w.org

By:|March 18, 2008

Taco Belle: Aria Giovanni

AGE: 30 Where you've seen her: While Aria Giovanni has appeared in some bondage and fetish "artistic" photography, she was also in a a movie called "Survivors Exposed," which was a parody of the Survivor TV show. If there was ever a parody of the Oscars, I'm sure she would've won one. Tantalizing tidbit: She's divorced from John 5, who despite sounding like he could be another alias for Client #9, was actually the guitarist for Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie.                    

By:|March 18, 2008

Does Anyone Care About A.J. McLean?

I really love when people that no one gives two shits about, announce stuff to the public.  That's why I always honor them for doing so in this blog.  People.com reports: Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean put tickets on sale Tuesday for two sneak-preview solo concerts. "After 13 years with the Backstreet Boys, and 75 million records sold worldwide, A.J.'s excited to take a step out on his own," says his manager. That is not true.  I know for a fact that he is not going forward with a solo career.  He has once again joined a group with three other men and let me tell you, they are prolific.  I saw them last Sunday and they parked the SHIT out of my car.

By:|March 18, 2008

Link Time

This is how Eliot Spitzer did it (Busted Coverage) What did Heather Mills deserve (Double Viking) Meet Vanessa Hessler (Camel Tap) Here's how to save money (Just A Guy Thing) If you've ever wondered where spam e-mails come from (Asylum) This vodka scares me (tastybooze) Remember Lenny Dykstra?  Not like this I bet (Coedmagazine) Eliot Spitzer's prostitute gets another offer (Complex) 10 Sexiest Hot Chicks with whip cream videos (Unibrow)

By:|March 18, 2008

Charlie Rose’s Face Is Gross

Roseby luvnews Holy shit, take a day off Charlie, Jesus. There's no way I can enjoy what I'm sure will be an incredibly exciting discussion of the deal between Bear Stearns and J.P. Morgan with that big ass black eye on his face. I don't believe for a second he "slipped." I'm guessing he was at a press junket and Tom Brokaw called him a pussy bitch and Rose threw off his jacket and said "Say that shit to my mo-f%&kin face?! Say it!" Then Brokaw walked up to him and really slowly said "You's. A. Pussy. Biiiitch." Then there was a tense moment of silence until Rose threw the first punch and it got crazy. Then Brokaw pulled out a gun and Rose was like "Do it. Shoot me bitch! Do it!" and Rose kept walking closer and closer to Brokaw who was like, starting to cry but still had his finger on the trigger, and finally Rose pressed his own forehead against the barrel of the gun and was like "DO IT!" and Brokaw dropped the gun and started crying. Then Rose slipped on his own sweat and banged his head on the ground and that's how he got the black eye.

By:|March 17, 2008

Punky Brewster Grows Baby

Previous to hearing this, the only two things I could tell you about the chick that played Punky Brewster was that she didn't like Lima Beans, and she grew up to have big 'ol titties. Now there's a third fact I can shove in to conversations to ensure awkward moments at parties that my girlfriend drags me to. People.com reports: Former Punky Brewster star Soleil Moon Frye and her husband, Jason Goldberg, have welcomed their second child, a girl, the actress's rep tells PEOPLE exclusively. Frye told PEOPLE last fall that her daughter Poet was already bonding with the new baby. "She talks to the belly all the time and tells the baby she loves it," Frye said. First of all, look at that picture. Either Soleil Moon Frye is 4'2, and her husband is 70 or the people who shot Lord Of The Rings took this picture and her husband is actually three inches from the camera while Soleil is standing four hundred yards away. Secondly, her first daughter is named "Poet? Why not just name her "Pretentious. That would at least be more of a conversation piece. Now, to properly celebrate the upcoming birth of Punky's child, I bring you the latin opening of Punky Brewster featuring the greatest voice over performance in recent memory. Just watch the first six seconds.

By:|March 17, 2008

By:|March 17, 2008

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By:|March 17, 2008

By:|March 17, 2008

Win Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six: Vegas 2

There's a lot of things to like about Las Vegas. There's the cheap buffets, the whores, the strippers, the gambling, the stripper whores and the whores who are also strippers. Tell us what you think is the best part about Las Vegas and why. Whoever makes the most convincing argument will win a copy of Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six: Vegas 2. Leave your argument in the comments section. Winners will be contacted by Holy Taco.

By:|March 17, 2008

DMX Is One Big Cup Of Crazy

In a recent interview, DMX made it clear that he's not really following the presidential race very much. (Warning: You are about to read the greatest interview of all time.) According to thedailyswarm.com: XXL Magazine: Are you following the presidential race? DMX: Not at all. You're not? You know there's a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there's Hillary Clinton. His name is Barack?! Barack Obama, yeah. Barack?! Barack. What the f*** is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa? Yeah, his dad is from Kenya. Barack Obama? Yeah. What the f***?! That ain't no f***in' name, yo. That ain't that nigga's name. You can't be serious. Barack Obama. Get the f*** outta here. You're telling me you haven't heard about him before. I ain't really paying much attention. I mean, it's pretty big if a Black Wow, Barack! The nigga's name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the f***, man?! Is he serious? That ain't his f***in' name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, "Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit [laughs] "That ain't your f***in' name. Your momma ain't name you no damn Barack. So you're not following the race. You can't vote right? Nope. I understand that maybe I watch a little too much television. But I didn't think it was possible to live in the US and not have even HEARD of Barack Obama. This means he never watches TV, listens to the radio, reads the newspaper or talks to anyone who has any awareness of the world around them. What else hasn't he heard of? Computers? Sandwiches? Dirt? This has been the biggest news story for the last year. I don't understand. I just don't understand. Read the full interview here.

By:|March 17, 2008

Mel Gibson And Britney Spears: Perfect Storm Of Crazy

Remember when the first USA Dream Team roster was released and we found out that Jordan and Bird were going to be on the same basketball team? Well, this is kind of like that, except replace basketball with being batshit crazy. People.com reports: Mel Gibson and Britney Spears have met a number of times since Spears checked out from her second hospitalization last month, a source tells PEOPLE. "Mel and his wife Robin clearly saw a woman in crisis and wanted to extend themselves in any way possible," the source says. Britney and Mel hanging out and chatting? Man, if only I could be a non-appetizing looking, non-Jewish fly on the wall for that conversation. I would imagine it would go something like this: MEL: Hey Britney, how are you feeling? BRITNEY: I'm feeling well. Is that your dog? I'd like to try and fit him in my anus and then sing the national anthem. If that's okay with you of course. MEL: Sure, that's not even my dog, it's my neighbors. I agreed to watch him because I know he's actually a key agent taking part in a global Jewish conspiracy. I was just going to kill him and eat his soul in a few hours anyway. BRITNEY: Then it works out perfect! MEL and BRITNEY: We're going to be great friends! (They stare at each other silently for 10-15 minutes) I'm looking forward to this pairing. And to commemorate it, I've added one of my top ten movie quotes of all time. Enjoy.

By:|March 17, 2008

Link Time

This is what St. Patty's day is all about. (Busted Coverage) 10 Holidays best suited for drinking. (Double Viking) Fat boss is owned. (Camel Tap) A 16 minute work out (Just A Guy Thing) Which would you rather have: Spitzer's Prostitute or an Albany Mansion? (Asylum) Vocab Word of the Week: Five Roper. (Tastybooze) COED Vault: Megan Fox (Coed Magazine) Paul McCartney is paying dearly (Complex)

By:|March 17, 2008