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Restaurant Stores Bread Where People Store Poop

There are quite a few things about this clip that I love. I really like that there's somebody waiting at the drive through right as the channel 9 news crew walks past their car and starts pointing at the bathroom. Here's a good rule: if you're EVER at the drive through of a fast food place, and you see a TV news crew walk past your car and point at the bathroom, you cancel your order and you drive away. Secondly, there's a news crew there to talk about how this restaurant is putting bread in the shitter so you'd think the manager of the place would call a meeting and be like "Okay team, we're not putting the bread in the shitter today. We're putting it (insert any place but the shitter)." But apparently he just said the first part, and not where to put it, because the employees in charge take the bread towards the shitter, then have this really lost look on their face, like it's their first time in New York city or something.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Give-A-Wednesday: Win NBA Ballers: Chosen One

Write a caption for this spectacular wheelchair dunk and you can win a copy of Midway's NBA Ballers: Chosen One for the Xbox 360. As usual, leave your caption in the comment section. Winners will be notified via HolyTaco. See last week's winners after the jump.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Disney LOVES Kids A Little Too Much

The picture above is part of a group of advertisements MADE BY Disney that are being used by the Shanghai Zhenxin Garment Company to sell Disney clothes in China. TMZ has the rest of the pictures (there's 15) and reports: TMZ has turned up Disney ads marketing lacy, sexy lingerie by models who are made to look underage. They're hawking bras, undies and lacy boy shorts. They are nothing short of seductive. Now, just a couple days ago, Disney was shocked and appalled at the photos that were taken of Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair. But in Disney's defense, maybe Disney has a "It's not pedophilia if it's in another country" rule. Sort of like "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," except switch out "What" with "Picture of teenage girls in lingerie" and "Vegas" with "China." Look, I know people are always quick to call someone or something inappropriate or pedophilia, but I usually judge it like this: If I found (insert object or photo) in my uncle's drawer (my normal uncle, not the one who I already think may be a pedophile), would I immediately wash my hands after touching said object or picture? Here's two examples: If I Found The Miley Cyrus photo: No, I'd probably just think it was a little weird, but then I'd go make a sandwich and if on the way to making a sandwich I passed by a bathroom, then sure, I'd wash. If I Found The Disney Lingerie Photos: I'd drop the photo immediately, slowly walk backwards out of the room and then burn my clothes in a trash can underneath a free way over pass.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Drink This: The WhiskeyBurger Cocktail

A couple weeks ago we started a controversy with our list of the 11 Manliest Cocktails. But I just found one that needs to be added to that list, pronto. It's called the WhiskeyBurger Cocktail and its ingredients are: The Whiskeyburger 3 oz ground-chuck-infused whiskey* 2 tsp tomato syrup* 1/4 tsp mustard bitters* Stir well with cracked ice. Strain into small old-fashioned glass or cocktail glass. Top off with lettuce-onion foam* and garnish with a dill-pickle round. Some genius over at Esquire came up with this delicious concoction. They go through a long rigamarole of how to make the bitters and the tomato syrup. But if you want to put a MocDonald's cheeseburger and a quart of Jim Beam in a blender, I don't think anyone would complain. via liquorsnob.com

By:|April 29, 2008


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Paula Abdul Is Easily Confused

Paula Abdul Is Stupid - Watch more free videos Personally, I think American Idol is for deaf retards. Apparently they switched up the judging process last night and instead of commenting on each individual performer, the judges had to make their insightful critiques after everyone had performed. And as usual, Paula Abdul's brain couldn't handle the added pressure. She couldn't remember if the guy in the dreadlocks sang one or two songs and then started reading the wrong notes. C'mon, Paula. If you know you're going to be on TV, maybe you shouldn't snort that 5th Xanax and vodka shooter right before airtime. Maybe you should try doing stuff, ya know, sober sometimes.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Bob Costas Likes To Talk Dirty

Bob Costas Has A PottyMouth - Watch more free videos I'm not even going to tell you why Bob Costas is using such colorful language, but I can tell you I've honestly watched this video 30 times today (and it's still early.) I suggest you play this very loudly the next time one of your coworkers (or wife) leaves the building (or house.) It's the only way I will ever say goodbye for the rest of my life. If you want to know what this is all about, head over to Deadspin.com.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Taco Belle: Jennifer Walcott

Age: 30 Where you've seen her: Jennifer Walcott was in American Pie: Band Camp and Playboy, but I'm sure you know her best for her poetry, which won her a Reader's Digest contest in Arizona. Right? Tantalizing tidbit: The Chicago Bears benched safety Adam Archuletta made her a MILF.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Link Time

These cats are f-ing awesome (I-am-bored) Streaker of the year (busted coverage) Meet Isabel Figuera likes beaches (Camel Tap) The girls of Harold and Kumar (Coedmagazine) 1980s robot plays the piano (Double Viking) Ultimate chick repeller, part II (tastybooze) Thieves pick wrong guy to mess with (hornyoyster) Grand Theft Auto is going to make a lot of money Who wants to see an ass kicking?

By:|April 28, 2008


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Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser

Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser - Watch more free videos We here at Holy Taco like beer. In fact, I can safely say, everyone who isn't a communist loves beer. But believe it or not, there was a time in this country when beer was illegal and having sex with animals was legal. Thankfully the government lifted the ban on alcohol and beer was once again free for all of us to drink. In celebration of this moment in history, we went to the Budweiser brewery on the day they celebrate the repeal of prohibition. Enjoy.

By:|April 28, 2008


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Heidi Montag says Lauren Conrad Has Sex Tape

So, in this video, Tyra Banks asks Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt about their claims that Lauren Conrad has a sex tape. I went ahead and added in what Spencer was probably thinking during the interview. I think when you're really super stupid, and you meet other really super stupid people, you just get excited and want to talk to them a bunch. It's like when you have a dog that doesn't get out much, then you walk it and it comes across another dog it starts going to into turbo butthole sniffing mode because it's a)so excited to see another dog and b)thinks this might be the last butthole it gets to sniff for a long time. That's sort of the energy in this room with these three geniuses. I love that Spencer said 1000%. That a classic move. "Hmmm, how do I show how sure I am? I'll say I'm ten thousand percent sure. Wait, I'm not quite that sure..."

By:|April 28, 2008


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Everyone Wants To Sex (And Sound Like) Mutombo

Houston Rockets players impersonate Dikembe Mutombo - Watch more free videos Dikembe Mutombo talks funny because he's not from around here (unless you're reading this in Africa.) So his Houston Rocket teammates had a little fun impersonating his wacky African accent. But I think Deke needs to wag his four-foot long finger at some of their vocal skills. Aaron Brooks looks like he's trying to do a deaf Yoda, Yao just says something that sounds like "Chicken finger," and Bobby Jackson looks and sounds like a drunk retard. Can the Rockets sign Rich Little to help out their mimicking skills?

By:|April 28, 2008


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Rumer Willis, Mannish? Nooooo.

The above is a photo of Kristin Cavallari, Cristina Milian, Josie Maran, and Rumer Willis.    Look closely at this photo.  Is it just me, or does it sort of seem like this is a still from one of those movies where some dude pretends to be a girl so that he can hang out with the girl of his dreams.  Like, Josie goes off to an all girls beach camp and Rumer's wacky best nerd friend convinces him to pretend to be a girl and go along.  Then Rumer and Josie become super good friends, and she starts confiding in him.  There's a moment where she takes her bra off in front of Rumer and asks her if she thinks one of her boobs is bigger than the other.  Then of course Josie walks in on Rumer when she's peeing standing up and Josie flips out and tells Rumer that she trusted her and that she never wants to see her again.  But then Rumer purposely embarrasses herself during an all camp assembly by singing some love song that was forced into the earlier part of the movie to set up this ending.  The thing writes itself people. But maybe it'd work better as a t.v. show:

By:|April 28, 2008


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Rapping Principal Teaches Important Trash Message

Principal Tries To Rap - Watch more free videos There have been a lot of songs that have made the world a better place. First there was John Lennon's "Imagine." Then there was "We Are The World." And now we can add Principal Fred Scretta...Something Or Other's hip-hop jam about trash to that hallowed list. John Lennon may have taught us that "the world will live as one," but Principal Fred has taught us that he's "got a new task for ya'll called the 'pick up your trash.'" The man is truly a poet. via Gorillamask.net

By:|April 28, 2008


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Taco Belle: Jennifer Hawkins

Age: 24 Where you've seen her: Jennifer Hawkins was Miss Universe in 2004. And as with many other women who have been chosen Miss America/World/Universe, you probably haven't seen her since. Tantalizing tidbit: She's Australian, so if you ever meet her, make sure you keep an eye on your wallet. (Pssst: They're all criminals.)

By:|April 28, 2008


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Link Time

Oh to be a Houston Texans fan (busted coverage) 6 things that suck about Coachella (coedmagazine) Booty push up bras (camel tap) Shauna Sand in a bikini (double viking) Greatest SFW porn scene ever? (hornyoyster) Olga Kurylenko is awesome (tastybooze) On list of people I don't want to fight (cage potato) 10 most vulgar ticker symbols (Wall Street Fighter)

By:|April 27, 2008


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Lauren Conrad Loves John McCain

I'm undecided as to who I'm going to vote for. As of yesterday I was going to write in a vote for that ex-football player guy who played the RA in Saved By The Bell the College Years, just cause I think there were a couple situations with Zach and Slater going after the same girl that I thought he handled well. But now, with this new endorsement, this changes things. Usmagazine.com reports: At the White House Correspondents' dinner Saturday in Washington, D.C. Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson asked the crowd to cheer for which political party they want to win in this year's presidential race."I'm a new American so I'm trying to decide which party to vote for," he said. "Should I vote for the Republicans?" Lauren Conrad "clapped wildly." Ferguson continued, "Or [should I vote for] the Democrats?" At which point, "Conrad immediately placed her hands on the table and wrinkled her nose to her friend." I love that she made a stinky face when he asked who was voting democrat. That's how I reacted when I graduated high school and my dad said "We should celebrate. Where's the closest Red Lobster?" It's good to know that that face can also be used to sum up her feelings on an entire political party. They should give her a show on MSNBC. I'd rather watch her than Keith Olbermann. Personally, I think if Lauren herself ran, she potentially could win. The only demographic she'd have trouble winning the support of would be African American voters, and I think a simple slogan that reaches out to them would solve that. Maybe something like this:

By:|April 27, 2008


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Man Trapped in Elevator for 41 Hours – With Diarrhea

holytaco - Watch more free videos A few weeks ago, video came out that showed a man trapped in an elevator for 41 hours. We even posted the video here a week or so ago. I remember when I saw that video, I thought to myself, what if he had needed to go to the bathroom really badly? Well, the guys at shortsbus.com answered that question for me.

By:|April 27, 2008


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Keeley Hazell Dances In Her Underwear

I think this was originally the concept for Pearl Jam's "Jeremy" video. I didn't even know Keeley Hazell was a singer. But then I realized that the equation for a successful singing career looks like this: T x 120% + HB x 4500% = AS T = Talent (scale of 1-100) HB = Hugeness of Boobs (scale of 1-100) AS = Albums sold (in hundreds) Thus, using said formula, Sheryl Crow's equation for her next album would look like this: (T)90 x 120% + (HB)4 x 4500% = 1,810.8 AS Whereas Keeley's equation would be: (T)4 x 120% + (HB)99 x 4500% = 44,554.8 AS Special thanks to the folks at M.I.T. for spending the last few weeks on this.

By:|April 27, 2008


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Roger Clemens Gave Rocket To Other Woman?

I wonder if Roger Clemens ever thought, when he was feeling down about the roids accusation, "Well, it could be worse, I could be accused to cheating on my wife."  Espn.com reports: The New York Daily News, citing "several" unnamed sources, reported on its Web site Sunday night that Clemens and country singer Mindy McCready had a decade-long affair. Clemens' lawyer, Rusty Hardin, said Clemens and McCready had a friendship and nothing more. First, that's pretty cool Roger Clemens' lawyer's name is Rusty Hardin.  Sort of sounds like the name of a porn star who only does anal.  Secondly, who the hell has ever heard of Mindy McCready.  Like, the report basically should have just said "Roger Clemens has affair with woman."  I know they want to make the story bigger, but if she gets the moniker of country singer, then I want it to, because I once sang Kareoke to Achy Breaky Heart and a couple people in the audience told me I was "pretty okay."  Anyway, the news of this affair has been out for a while, but because no one knows who the hell this woman is, we didn't see the signs.  Here's her Second Album, her first was called "If you need help evening out a table with a wobbly leg."

By:|April 27, 2008


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Miley Cyrus Is Very Naughty

When I was sixteen, my brother picked the lock to my bathroom and snapped a picture of me taking a shit fully nude, while reading a Cosmopolitan magazine. A year later that picture was slipped by my brother, in to my aunt's slideshow presentation of her trip to Greece, that she shared at our family reunion. That was embarrassing. The picture of above that Miley Cyrus took for Vanity Fair, eh, not as embarrassing as she thinks. People.com reports: "My goal in my music and my acting is always to make people happy. For Vanity Fair, I was so honored and thrilled to work with Annie [Leibovitz]. I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be 'artistic' and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed." I love how the people who manage female child stars, Disney included, TOTALLY want to exploit the fact that they're attractive and that men want to have sex with them, but when anyone ever mentions that something these girls do has a sexual overtone to it, they respond with "We are horrified that this happened. This is not something we condone." Really? It's not? Gee, what the F&^K did you think was going to happen when the photographer told Miley "Hey, can you take off your shirt and then wrap this thin sheet over the bottom part of your boobs?" No, they don't stop shit like this because they WANT people to want to screw Miley Cyrus because then people will buy and watch shit that Miley Cyrus is in so that they can jerk off to it.  If that happens, not only will they have the child demographic who loves her, they'll also have the jerking off demographic, which, I think we can all agree, spends AT LEAST as much money purchasing things as the child demographic.  Anyway, I digress. The photo above is nothing to be embarrassed about. When I first read that she was embarrassed about a picture, I thought I was going to see something like this:

By:|April 27, 2008