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Hidden Messages in Beatles Songs revealed (I-Am-Bored) Therapy for cereal mascots (college humor) Really hot sideline reporter found (busted coverage) 5 best Paula Abdul Meltdowns (coedmagazine) Jon Lovitz pulls a Kramer (double viking) Dumbest guy ever? (hornyoyster) Alessandro Ambrosio showering (camel tap) It's amazing what a little lime can do (tastybooze)

By:|April 30, 2008


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Your Disgusting Bathroom Can Win You Stuff

Do you have a disgusting bathroom in your house or apartment? Do you know about a disgusting bathroom at a local bar or restaurant? If so, get out your cell phone camera or an old-fashioned camera camera, take a snapshot and send it to feedback@holytaco.com. We will post the best ones and give everyone who enters their very own HolyTaco T-shirt. And, if that wasn't enough, we will award the best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) bathroom photo with a copy of EA's NFL Tour for the Xbox 360. So get out there and start crapping all over everything. It could win you something for once!

By:|April 30, 2008


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Naomi Campbell Carries Bat, Scares Children

This photo is of Professional backyard brawler and sometimes supermodel Naomi Campbell.  She's shooting a scene for the television show "Ugly Betty."  This is what I hate about the entertainment industry, you can throw shit at your housekeeper or assistant, physically assault people and just be a general total and complete piece of shit, and people will not only continue to give you work, but magazines will celebrate how adorable it is you're playing a softball player on a television show.  She's not even that hot.  She looks like a transvestite spider.  Anyway, I digress. I think the plot of this episode is that there's a softball game between the Ugly Betty chick's fashion magazine and Naomi Campbell's fashion magazine.  If there's a God, (which, the mere fact that Ugly Betty is a show on a major network confirms there's not) this episode would feature Betty hiring Cardinals slugger Albert Pujols to bat for her in her place with the game on the line, and it would result in this in the first inning: and this in the bottom of the ninth:

By:|April 30, 2008


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Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon Get Married

I used to have this really nice golden retriever, and then it got old and blind and starting shitting while it walked and running into stuff.  Then one day I came home and my mom had taken it to get a bath and a hair cut and she was like "See, Bailey is like she's three again!" and right when she said that Bailey took a shit on my mom.  My point is, when things get old and crazy, there's no going back no matter how many baths or haircuts they get.  Usmagazine.com reports: Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have wed. The two got hitched in a small ceremony on an island Wednesday, according to the magazine. They quote a source as saying it was "very implusive." Nick Cannon what in the hell are you doing?  You're 27 and from what I hear you're in movies and chicks want to do you.  Why in the hell are you marrying a batshit crazy, 38 year old Mariah Carey?  It makes no sense.  It'd be like winning the lottery then immediately buying the first used Delorean that showed up in an Autotrader search. Much like a Michael Bay film, this is going to be incredibly pointless and end terribly.  But the worst part for Nick Cannon is that Mariah Carey has reached a level of crazy that makes her capable of anything.  You remember the movie Misery?  You remember that shit?  Yeah, well, take a look, this photoshop scared ME while I was making it.

By:|April 30, 2008


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Retarded Monkey Gets Birthday Party

Uhhhhhh....according to stuff.co.nz: They made special cards, queued to wish him Happy Birthday, and one youngster brought a banana tied with a bow to help Ricky, the special-needs monkey, celebrate his 15th birthday at Natureland. Ricky, who was left badly brain-damaged after being brutalised by a jealous sibling when he was born, has been in the media spotlight following the council's announcement, with staff and the public expressing concern at what might happen to him should the zoo close. Mrs Sutton said the community had been supportive and donated time and energy to help the cash-strapped zoo mark the capuchin monkey's big day. Zoo curator Gail Sutton said the day was extra special as staff had thought Natureland was going to close on March 31, and would not have been open to celebrate Ricky's milestone. "We didn't make any plans, and when we found we were definitely staying open longer we had three weeks to put together a birthday party for Ricky." Three weeks? Do you really need three frickin' weeks to plan a birthday party for a retarded monkey? I need about four minutes to plan a birthday party for a retarded person (my planning supplies: a pack of chewing gum and a brightly-colored stick.) But when it comes to a monkey's big day, I can guarantee that whatever you're planning will just terrify him. Put yourself in the mind of a retarded monkey for a second. You're going about your day doing what retarded monkeys do (constantly jacking off?) and then someone drags you from the comfort of your cage, a bunch of little children are screaming and pawing at you and then someone shoves a fiery cake in your face. Just give him an extra banana and let him watch the first half of King Kong. Thanks to Senor Walsh for sending in.

By:|April 30, 2008


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Sex And The City: The Real Version

So, it's being reported today in people.com that Miley Cyrus watches the TBS "edited down version" of Sex And The City, so that she doesn't see an inappropriate content. "The show she watches is completely sanitized. She watches it on TBS," says a source close to Cyrus. Well, I went ahead and edited a version for her. I think mine allows her to more thoroughly enjoy the essence of the show that's lost in TBS recuts.

By:|April 30, 2008


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Man Attempts To Cash Check For $360 Billion

Forging checks is a delicate business. You have to plan ahead, hone your signature-writing skills and most importantly, you have to make sure you don't write a check for a ridiculous amount of money. Charles Ray Fuller needs to work on the last one. According to Neatorama: Dallas, Texas: A man has been accused of attempting to pass a $360 billion check, which he claims was given to him by his girlfriend's mother to start a record business, Fort Worth police said. Police responded to a report of a man attempting to pass the check about 4 p.m. that day, Fort Worth police Lt. Paul Henderson said. The personal check was not made out to Mr. Fuller and when the bank contacted the check owner, the woman said she did not write a check for $360 billion. Mr. Fuller was also accused of unlawful carrying of a weapon and possession of marijuana, Lt. Henderson said. He may also face a theft charge in Crowley. Lt. Henderson said he did not know if Mr. Fuller and his girlfriend were still together. I'm very surprised the police were tipped off in this case. Most record companies need at least $360 billion to get started and most of the time that money comes from one check written by an elderly woman who lives in a bad neighborhood. Well done, Detectives. Well done.

By:|April 30, 2008


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Alley Baggett

Age: 34 Where you've seen her: Alley Baggett has been in about a bazillion Playboy special issues and DVDs. But all you Telemundo fans out there will recognize her from The Umberto Show and the Maria Conchita Alonso Show. Ole! Tantalizing tidbit: Alley was also featured in a comic book series called "Alley Cat" where she fought crime, saved the world and presumably fought a character based on Lindsay Lohan called "Gutter Skank."

By:|April 30, 2008


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Link Time

AMAZING footage of a snake eating an entire deer (I-Am-Bored) POV of a guy stuck in class (college humor) Gheorghe Muresan is a big celebrity (busted coverage) Bianca Deacy is brand new and smoking hot (camel tap) Top 5 Ben Stiller Show skits (coedmagazine) Obama playing basketball (doubleviking) I love the people's court (tastybooze) Bar Rafaeli in black and white (hornyoyster) Grand Theft Auto IV gives handjobs (Unibrow) How to smuggle in alcohol to the Kentucky Derby (foggy monocle)

By:|April 29, 2008


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Hulk Hogan Carefully Watches Brooke Hogan

The above is a picture of Brooke Hogan, her boyfriend, and her dad Hulk Hogan, at a pool on vacation.   Look at the Hulkster in this picture, he looks like a hippopotamus wading through a river in Africa, silently watching a group of tourists on safari. What the hell must it be like to date Brooke Hogan?  I imagine if I were at the dinner table with the Hogan family and I reached over someone's plate to grab the salt,  the Hulkster would grab my arm and go:  "You know what, you've been grabbing a lotttaaaaa things at this dinner table!   A loottaaaa things.  But maybe the next time you grab somethin', the Hulkster's gonna grab you and give you a lesson in Hulk-a-nomics," to which I'd probably reply, "Did you mean a lesson in Hulk-a-manners?  What I did was more an example of something rude than an example of poor understanding of economics."  At which point Hulkster would stare at me for a few seconds and then tear his shirt off and kill me. Seriously though, I've seen enough wrestling matches with Hulk to know that the above photo can turn in to this really quickly: Editor's note: I loved the Hulk's face in the headline pic so much I decided to see what it was like if he spied on other relationships.  Check it after the jump.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Restaurant Stores Bread Where People Store Poop

There are quite a few things about this clip that I love. I really like that there's somebody waiting at the drive through right as the channel 9 news crew walks past their car and starts pointing at the bathroom. Here's a good rule: if you're EVER at the drive through of a fast food place, and you see a TV news crew walk past your car and point at the bathroom, you cancel your order and you drive away. Secondly, there's a news crew there to talk about how this restaurant is putting bread in the shitter so you'd think the manager of the place would call a meeting and be like "Okay team, we're not putting the bread in the shitter today. We're putting it (insert any place but the shitter)." But apparently he just said the first part, and not where to put it, because the employees in charge take the bread towards the shitter, then have this really lost look on their face, like it's their first time in New York city or something.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Give-A-Wednesday: Win NBA Ballers: Chosen One

Write a caption for this spectacular wheelchair dunk and you can win a copy of Midway's NBA Ballers: Chosen One for the Xbox 360. As usual, leave your caption in the comment section. Winners will be notified via HolyTaco. See last week's winners after the jump.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Disney LOVES Kids A Little Too Much

The picture above is part of a group of advertisements MADE BY Disney that are being used by the Shanghai Zhenxin Garment Company to sell Disney clothes in China. TMZ has the rest of the pictures (there's 15) and reports: TMZ has turned up Disney ads marketing lacy, sexy lingerie by models who are made to look underage. They're hawking bras, undies and lacy boy shorts. They are nothing short of seductive. Now, just a couple days ago, Disney was shocked and appalled at the photos that were taken of Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair. But in Disney's defense, maybe Disney has a "It's not pedophilia if it's in another country" rule. Sort of like "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas," except switch out "What" with "Picture of teenage girls in lingerie" and "Vegas" with "China." Look, I know people are always quick to call someone or something inappropriate or pedophilia, but I usually judge it like this: If I found (insert object or photo) in my uncle's drawer (my normal uncle, not the one who I already think may be a pedophile), would I immediately wash my hands after touching said object or picture? Here's two examples: If I Found The Miley Cyrus photo: No, I'd probably just think it was a little weird, but then I'd go make a sandwich and if on the way to making a sandwich I passed by a bathroom, then sure, I'd wash. If I Found The Disney Lingerie Photos: I'd drop the photo immediately, slowly walk backwards out of the room and then burn my clothes in a trash can underneath a free way over pass.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Drink This: The WhiskeyBurger Cocktail

A couple weeks ago we started a controversy with our list of the 11 Manliest Cocktails. But I just found one that needs to be added to that list, pronto. It's called the WhiskeyBurger Cocktail and its ingredients are: The Whiskeyburger 3 oz ground-chuck-infused whiskey* 2 tsp tomato syrup* 1/4 tsp mustard bitters* Stir well with cracked ice. Strain into small old-fashioned glass or cocktail glass. Top off with lettuce-onion foam* and garnish with a dill-pickle round. Some genius over at Esquire came up with this delicious concoction. They go through a long rigamarole of how to make the bitters and the tomato syrup. But if you want to put a MocDonald's cheeseburger and a quart of Jim Beam in a blender, I don't think anyone would complain. via liquorsnob.com

By:|April 29, 2008


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Paula Abdul Is Easily Confused

Paula Abdul Is Stupid - Watch more free videos Personally, I think American Idol is for deaf retards. Apparently they switched up the judging process last night and instead of commenting on each individual performer, the judges had to make their insightful critiques after everyone had performed. And as usual, Paula Abdul's brain couldn't handle the added pressure. She couldn't remember if the guy in the dreadlocks sang one or two songs and then started reading the wrong notes. C'mon, Paula. If you know you're going to be on TV, maybe you shouldn't snort that 5th Xanax and vodka shooter right before airtime. Maybe you should try doing stuff, ya know, sober sometimes.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Bob Costas Likes To Talk Dirty

Bob Costas Has A PottyMouth - Watch more free videos I'm not even going to tell you why Bob Costas is using such colorful language, but I can tell you I've honestly watched this video 30 times today (and it's still early.) I suggest you play this very loudly the next time one of your coworkers (or wife) leaves the building (or house.) It's the only way I will ever say goodbye for the rest of my life. If you want to know what this is all about, head over to Deadspin.com.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Taco Belle: Jennifer Walcott

Age: 30 Where you've seen her: Jennifer Walcott was in American Pie: Band Camp and Playboy, but I'm sure you know her best for her poetry, which won her a Reader's Digest contest in Arizona. Right? Tantalizing tidbit: The Chicago Bears benched safety Adam Archuletta made her a MILF.

By:|April 29, 2008


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Link Time

These cats are f-ing awesome (I-am-bored) Streaker of the year (busted coverage) Meet Isabel Figuera likes beaches (Camel Tap) The girls of Harold and Kumar (Coedmagazine) 1980s robot plays the piano (Double Viking) Ultimate chick repeller, part II (tastybooze) Thieves pick wrong guy to mess with (hornyoyster) Grand Theft Auto is going to make a lot of money Who wants to see an ass kicking?

By:|April 28, 2008


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Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser

Holy Taco Goes To Budweiser - Watch more free videos We here at Holy Taco like beer. In fact, I can safely say, everyone who isn't a communist loves beer. But believe it or not, there was a time in this country when beer was illegal and having sex with animals was legal. Thankfully the government lifted the ban on alcohol and beer was once again free for all of us to drink. In celebration of this moment in history, we went to the Budweiser brewery on the day they celebrate the repeal of prohibition. Enjoy.

By:|April 28, 2008


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Heidi Montag says Lauren Conrad Has Sex Tape

So, in this video, Tyra Banks asks Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt about their claims that Lauren Conrad has a sex tape. I went ahead and added in what Spencer was probably thinking during the interview. I think when you're really super stupid, and you meet other really super stupid people, you just get excited and want to talk to them a bunch. It's like when you have a dog that doesn't get out much, then you walk it and it comes across another dog it starts going to into turbo butthole sniffing mode because it's a)so excited to see another dog and b)thinks this might be the last butthole it gets to sniff for a long time. That's sort of the energy in this room with these three geniuses. I love that Spencer said 1000%. That a classic move. "Hmmm, how do I show how sure I am? I'll say I'm ten thousand percent sure. Wait, I'm not quite that sure..."

By:|April 28, 2008