That’s What Family Is For
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By:admin|December 6, 2011
25 of the Biggest Jerkoffs in Movies
Every movie with slightly weak writing needs a really impressive asshole to make up the ante. Complex characters with realistic motivations and understanding are too had to write, it's much easier to just use a one-dimensional uber-ass of a villain who you just have to hate. Check out these assholes!
By:Ian Fortey|December 6, 2011
Chronicles of a Dying Laptop
Once upon a time, people built machines in the hopes they would last forever. Cars built in the 50’s are made of solid cast iron and titanium and, to this day, if you drive one off a cliff, it will somehow achieve a speed above terminal velocity as it falls. And, when it hits ground, it will be perfectly fine. Everyone in it will be liquefied, but the car will be fine.
By:Ian Fortey|December 6, 2011
The Morning Jolt – Frank Zappa Got Your Number
When was this filmed, mid 70's? Frank Zappa is a seer!
By:Ian Fortey|December 6, 2011
Follow Holy Taco on Twitter and All Your Dreams Come True!
Do you suffer from gout? The consumption? Osteosyphillis? Lonely beaver? All these conditions and more can be cured by following Holy Taco on Twitter. We offer more random, 76% original jokes than you'll find on 15 of the top 250 Twitter feeds each and every day, and that includes from the likes of Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian. Neither of them tell a joke for shit. But we do. For shit and for more! So much more. Join us!
By:Ian Fortey|December 5, 2011
And the next Lifetime Original movie is…
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By:admin|December 5, 2011
Meet The Men That Got In To A $3.8 Million Supercar Crash In Japan
You know you’re one of life’s true A-holes when a cop surveying the scene of a horrible, multi-car accident on a highway takes one look at the twisted heaps of steel and the shaken men thankful to be alive and, without even a hint of empathy, calls those men “a gathering of narcissists.” That’s what the cops that showed up on the scene are calling the men involved in a 14-car pileup that occurred Sunday morning on Chugoku Expressway in Japan. This wasn’t just any old car-pileup, because the accident involved (hold on to your butts!)…8 Ferraris, 3 Mercedes-Benzes, a Nissan GT-R, a Lamborghini Diablo...and a Toyota Prius. Somehow, that last one I listed is not a joke-entry. I didn’t add that in there for comedic affect. It was a 14 car pileup involving 13 supercars -- and a Toyota Prius. Why the Prius was among those cars, we may never know. But, if I had to take a guess, I’d say the rich guys keep the Prius guy around to make them all look that much richer. It’s like when a group of pretty girls drag around that one hunchbacked albino friend of theirs -- the one that looks like she always just singed her hair in a frying pan accident only a few minutes prior; thus making them the rest of them that much better to look at. Thankfully, and somehow, no one was seriously injured. Highway patrol Lieutenant Eiichiro Kamitani had this very normal thing to say about the accident:
By:Luis Prada|December 5, 2011
Communist Muppet Propaganda
So, according to The Huffington Post, Fox Business is painting The Muppets as communists. Long story short, the big bad enemy in the new Muppets flick is a rich oil guy named "Tex Richman." If you have the eight minutes to watch this infuriating clip, please do so. If not, just enjoy the Muppet Commie propaganda we made...
By:Jim Tews|December 5, 2011
Not Sure That’s Correct
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By:admin|December 5, 2011
25 Mid Ass-Kicking Pics
Probably the best thing about the UFC is that those guys are never kicking your ass. Because look at this - they so could. Better they keep it at a safe distance where we can get images like these and go "Oh my God, look at that dude's face!"
By:Ian Fortey|December 5, 2011
25 Worse Jobs to Give Donald Trump than Moderating a GOP Debate
Donald Trump is the closest living thing to a cartoon that modern civilization has. From his preposterous hair to his ridiculous endorsement deals which include mattresses and steaks to every single tomfooleriffic word that dribbles out of his crooked mouth, you can’t shake a stick around him without him reacting in some stupid fashion. And now, news that he’ll be moderating a GOP debate, because why not have a terribly biased pseudo-GOP candidate who routinely lies about his own wealth, threatens lawsuits at the drop of a hat and still questions where Obama was born moderate a serious debate. Derp? Derp!
By:Ian Fortey|December 5, 2011
The Morning Jolt: The Scottish News Magician
This dude's accent and enthusiasm makes me want to know why this dude holds his pen like a magician, too. Also "Pen, nay pen! Pen, nay pen!"
By:Ian Fortey|December 5, 2011
Sunday Comics
It's Sunday...so laugh, goddamn you! LAUGH! WE'RE HAVING A GOOD TIME!!
By:Luis Prada|December 4, 2011
Classic Taco – How To Make a McGriddle at Home
The McDonalds McGriddle is one of the most well-crafted pieces of synthetic food-like products ever created in a lab with the usage of Bunsen burners, beakers, and giant white boards with complex chemical compositions and long, mind boggling equations written on them. When you take a bite out of one, you’re not tasting the craftsmanship of a trained chef that’s trying to make some cheap, yet delicious breakfast foods; you’re tasting the mad ramblings of a Doc Brown-type that’s more than willing to cram electrodes in your pooper to test his theory of whether or not electrically stimulating the prostate can make a human fire lasers out of their eyes. But who’s to say that you can’t bring that all of that mad science home and create a perfectly suitable analogue for your own eating pleasure? No one! That’s who! With a little know-how, a sprinkle of gumption, and a splash of elbow grease, you, too, can create one of the fast food world’s most delectable treats in your very own kitchen.
By:Luis Prada|December 4, 2011
Dear Nature: Make The Giant Weta Not Exist Anymore. Please.
Heeeeey Nature, I hope you’re doing well. Probably not, but whatevs. Anyway, let me get to the point: f*ck you. Allow me to explain… You see, I hate insects of all kinds. They’re so alien, so un-human, so soulless. There’s nothing about an insect you can identify with on a personal, emotional level. You look in to a dog’s eyes and you see a flicker of life. Same with a cat, and a horse, and any number of animals we keep as pets. Bugs, though – them shits are bunch of Satans. You look at them and you just know they want to burrow in to your skull and do nefarious bug activities in your brain pan. I don’t know what a nefarious bug activity might be, but if I were to take a wild guess, I’d say robbing an orphanage of its books, food, and the children’s collective hope of finding a new, loving family. Goddamn, I hate bugs.
By:Luis Prada|December 2, 2011
Desperate Ways To Make Extra Money For The Holidays
Well, that time is here again everybody! It's time to panic about how you're going to find the extra funds to purchase a few small gifts for your friends and family. You, of course, always have the option of making them something, but that generally stops being cute when you turn twelve. And unless you're making high-end furniture for everyone on your list, it's downright sad when you're in your thirties. That leaves you one option: make more money. But you're all like "How?!" And I'm like "Get creative, you unimaginative bore!" You could also, of course, follow this handy guide. There are options, you just have to be willing to sell your soul, or hustle like a low-level street thug. If you're not willing to go the extra mile, then you probably hate your family and friends, in which case, good for you. For those of you who still have a heart left, let's explore our options.
By:Jim Tews|December 2, 2011
Yah, Trains Ist Goot
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By:admin|December 2, 2011
25 Awesome Tiny Movie Monsters
We covered giant monsters yesterday, how about some tiny ones today. Yes, we have Gremlins and Ghoulies, but we pulled out the big guns here, too - Munchies, Killer Condom, Troll 1 and 2, Killer Tomatoes, Slugs, Ticks, Demonic Toys, the Gingerdead Man and those little creeps from Phantasm. Oh yeah.
By:Ian Fortey|December 2, 2011
Journey Give Terrible Directions
You don't need to take a midnight train to get from South Detroit to Anywhere, you just need to go to Canada. It's near the Windsor airport. It's like 5 miles away and there's one toll booth. You could probably walk it in a pinch. Suck it, Journey.
By:Ian Fortey|December 2, 2011
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