7 Weird Celebrity Baby Names And Their Origins
Obviously, this article was inspired by Jay-Z and Beyonce's latest work, Blue Ivy. It's not a new album or some sort of designer fragrance, it's a baby. If you didn't already know this, then you don't hang around with enough teenagers. Celebrities have a pretty solid habit of giving their children really stupid names. It's almost like a rite of passage or something. It's as though these people know that their family legacy will rise above any mocking a poor kid named "Blue Ivy" might be subject to. It's not completely fair to judge a parent's name choice until you get the full back story. With that in mind, here are a handful of other celebrity baby names and their origins, (which I may or may not have completely made up.)
By:Jim Tews|January 9, 2012
25 Awesomely Named Restaurants
There are nearly limitless choices when it comes to eating out, but why go to Charlie's Bistro when so many restauranteurs take the time to make hilarious pun names? Hilarious! Pun! Name!
By:Ian Fortey|January 9, 2012
The GOP Candidates Debate the Unveiling of a New Holy Taco
A New Holy Taco! A massive debate! Fire! Robots! Aliens! Pie! YAY!!!
By:Ian Fortey|January 9, 2012
The Morning Jolt: You’re Pronouncing it Wrong
You know how, sometimes when you're on TV, and you're being racist but it makes you laugh, you can't stop repeating the same offensive thing that makes you laugh? This is like that.
By:Ian Fortey|January 9, 2012
Zoology
What Zoology doesn't tell you is that birds are remarkably helpful when dealing with personal finance.
By:Ian Fortey|January 8, 2012
Classic Taco – 7 Signs You’re an Adult
If you're a Jew or a Mexican girl, there's a specific day where you officially become an adult. For everyone else, becoming a grown-up is a gradual process, and most of the time you don't realize that you've become an adult until it's too late. So, for everyone who doesn't get to have one of those awesome "you're a grown-up now" parties, we've created this helpful list of 7 Signs That You're an Adult. 1. You Pay for Things that You Can't Hold in Your Hand
By:Ian Fortey|January 8, 2012
Buni
When Buni busts out dinosaurs and zombies, you know it's a good time.
By:Ian Fortey|January 8, 2012
Classic Taco – A Flowchart to Determine if you Should Fap to It
Everyday, people all over the world encounter hundreds of things that they could easily masturbate to, and sometimes it's difficult to determine if you should or shouldn't jerk off to something. That's why we've created this helpful flowchart to help you determine if you should fap to it:
By:Ian Fortey|January 7, 2012
Stephen Hawking Spends Most of His Days Thinking About Boobs
Stephen Hawking. He’s one of the smartest people to have ever lived, and even he, in his infinite, universally expansive wisdom, has no goddamn clue how women function. In an interview with New Scientist magazine, Hawking was asked what he thinks about most during the day. His answer was simple: “Women. They are a complete mystery.” Some people would probably interpret that quote as being one of those great one-liners you read on those quote websites your lame Facebook friends steal their status updates from. Your lame Facebook friends will steal that quote in the years, decades to come because of the inherent irony of one of the smartest people on earth not being able to grasp the concept of a woman. It makes the rest of us men feel just a little bit better. But there’s something else that Stephen Hawking just admitted to here that I think is even more important.
By:Luis Prada|January 6, 2012
Five Movie-Themed Rides To Replace ‘Jaws’ At Universal Studios
Universal Studios recently shut down one of its flagship attractions which was a boring boat ride based on the move "Jaws." The ride was pretty iconic, pretty memorable, but it definitely paled in comparison to exciting thrill rides with holograms and smell-o-vision, or whatever the hell makes a ride exciting these days. A lot of people are upset about such a staple leaving the park to make room for rides based on more popular franchises, but that's just how show business works, kids! The park wants to fill the void with some more Harry Potter rides which is probably a good business move, but we've got a few other ideas that might make for a more interesting ride. Universal owns the rights to thousands of adventure films that they could base a new ride on. Sticking with the nostalgia theme, here's a few ideas:
By:Jim Tews|January 6, 2012
25 Ugly Pies
History teaches us that pie is awesome. But then someone goes ahead and makes these pies that look like butt with a crust.
By:Ian Fortey|January 6, 2012
6 Girl Scout Cookies We’d Like to See
The Girl Scouts, one of North America’s oldest organized crime syndicates, has launched a brand new cookie called Savannah Smiles to temp you wallet at a grossly inappropriate mark up. The new cookie is a lemon shortbread dusted with powdered sugar, which sounds kind of boring and in no way can compete with the fierce might of the Thin Mint or the underdog awesomeness of Samoas. This new innovation, the lemon, was discovered around the first century or so, at least by Europeans, which makes it as old as shit. Really, Girl Scouts? Really? There are any number of potentially more awesome cookies that could be introduced and that will more than justify the nearly insane price you charge. Behold!
By:Ian Fortey|January 6, 2012
The Morning Jolt: Huh?
She definitely says scumbag right at the end. But yeah...what?
By:Ian Fortey|January 6, 2012
Why Jessica Biel Should Be Engaged To Me, And Not Justin Timberlake
Hey Jessica, See how I start this whole thing with Hey instead of the more formal Hello? That’s the kind of closeness you’ll get with me. I don’t mess around with the awkward first months of a relationship. I cut right to chummy, loving Heys and farting in your presence. Sadly, as much as it pains me to admit it, you’re going to miss out on the deep, meaningful comfort that I can bring to a relationship, seeing as you are now officially engaged to Justin Timberlake. I can’t fault you. I’m sure JT is a wonderful man. He sings, he dances, he has a really high pitched voice that makes it seem like his testicles never once thought about descending – he’s the full package, even though he may not have a full package. Get it? I did a thing with words, there. I don’t want this to be about how terrible JT is for you. I want this to be about how much better I can be for you. If JT is here [Luis holds his hand at an arbitrary height], I’m, like, here [Luis holds his hand at an arbitrary, slightly higher height]. See? Do you see the difference in hand placement? The hand that represents me is clearly the higher of the two, so that’s reason number one for why I’m better than Timberlake. Because of hands and where they are placed on a scale of other hands.
By:Luis Prada|January 5, 2012
Invalid Arguments Against The DASH Diet
Fat people and people who think they're fat keep talking about the DASH diet, so we figured it was in our best interest to find out what it was, then make fun of it accordingly. The "DASH" part of it is actually an acronym which stands for "Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension" that means high blood pressure, for those of you who don't have access to doctors. I guess it's a good idea to follow a diet that might prevent high blood pressure, but I plan on dying early so it's of no use to me. Now I will review the basic bullet points of the diet, and tell you exactly why I can't stick to it...
By:Jim Tews|January 5, 2012
Iced Tea and Star Wars? OK! It’s BriskSaber!
As you may have heard, Star Wars: Episode 1 is being re-released in theatres only this time it’ll be in 3D so Jar Jar Binks will be practically licking your face in every scene. Don’t act like you’re not tempted. To celebrate this and also give you something to suck your attention away from productive pursuits for hours on end, Brisk has teamed up with Star Wars to make the BriskSaber app – you can kill crap with a lighsaber on your phone!
By:Ian Fortey|January 5, 2012
25 Animals with Mohawks
Everyone loves a mohawk, it represents the ultimate in anarchy that still takes a hell of a lot of time and effort to pull off. Unless you're a monkey or whatever an can do it naturally.
By:Ian Fortey|January 5, 2012
Horror Movie or Porno?
The concept is simple friends – 10 movie titles of real movies. Are they horror films or pornos? Sure, you can cheat and use Google, but it’s not like you’re going to win anything. Just guess.
By:Ian Fortey|January 5, 2012
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