Holy Taco

Angelina Jolie’s Baggy Dress Hides Baby?

Last night the Screen Actors Guild Awards were held.  I had the choice of watching the ceremony or holding my breath until I passed out.  When I awoke on the floor this morning, I read this:  Angelina Jolie was the center of attention at the Screen Actors Guild Awards on Sunday night: the actress' loose and flowing vintage Hermes dress fueled rumors the actress is expecting. So they think she's hiding a pregnant stomach under that dress?  They haven't done their reporting.  I took this photo and analyzed it in my lab/parent's basement and was shocked at what she was really hiding: Shocking, I know.  I mean seriously, how could the midget in red not know the midget in yellow would go to his right.  I've played enough basketball to know: midgets in yellow ALWAYS go to their right.

By:|January 27, 2008

Apple Fanboys Make Me Hate Apple Computers

I don't get the stupid computer arguments dorks like this guy get into. If you want to use a Mac, go for it. If you want to use a PC, I don't care. To me, a computer is a machine that gives me porn and...well, that's about it. But Mac users are a little too excited to use a Mac. They're worse than Scientologists when it comes to promoting their weirdo nerd cult. Do you really need to wear a swimsuit to tell everyone you use a mouse with only one button? Especially when you're shaped like Grimace? Mac users are the biggest reason I will only use a PC for the rest of my life.

By:|January 27, 2008

Spend A Night In The Hitler Room

If you have trouble sleeping, then maybe you need to surround yourself with the images and memorabilia of one of history's worst murderers. The Belgrade President Hotel gives you that opportunity in their themed hotel. There's a Bush suite, a Thatcher suite, a Castro suite and, of course, a Hitler Room. According to ABCNews.com: With fierce competition, the hotel industry is constantly inventing new marketing tricks to attract guests. Now some people are accusing Belgrade hotelier Dusan Zabunovic of going too far with his latest gimmick.   The Hitler or room 501, occupied mainly by German, Croat and Slovenian guests, sees the highest demand, according to Zabunovic. Hitler's portrait overlooks a king-size bed; he wears a military uniform, with a swastika on the left arm. But a night with what many still consider one of history's greatest madmen comes cheaper than most. The rate for the Hitler room is $200, less than half the price of the Tito suite at $500 a night. I'm not sure if the Tito Suite is referring to Tito Jackson or Tito Puente. But I'm pretty sure it's definitely worth $500 a night.

By:|January 27, 2008

MILF Monday: Heidi Klum

Age: 34 Where You've Seen Her: Heidi Klum has been a Victoria's Secret girl for years, she's hosted Project Runway and if you're lucky enough to live in Germany, she hosts Deutchland's version of America's Next Top Model (yes, it's called Germany's Next Top Model.) Is She A MILF? Yes she is. In 2004 her water broke and she gave birth to Helen "Leni" Klum. A couple years later she married Seal (the guy with the face) and her water broke again in 2005 when she gave birth to Gunther. And then her water broke once more in 2006 when she gave birth to Johan. Can someone get a mop?               

By:|January 27, 2008

Japanese Bugs Like To Fight

Japanese Bug Fights Round 30 - Watch more free videos Japan can make a game show out of anything.

By:|January 26, 2008

Rock Out To Mega Man

If you spent any time in the eighties, you probably did at least one of these three things. Snorted cocaine in a bathroom stall Put pop rocks into Coca Cola then dared someone to drink it. Played Mega ManSome of you might have even done all three of those things at once.  Well, now you can relive one of them through the music of The Megas.   That's right, there's a band devoted solely to covering the songs played in the video game Mega Man.  According to their website:Since the year 200x(4), The Megas have strived to bring a message from Dr. Light to the people.  They have chosen to transmit that message, the tale of a small blue robot named Mega Man, directly into the eardrums of the general populace through the power of rock.I'm not even sure what that means, but they sound really dedicated to the power of rocking out.  Which I definitely can't say about any Dave Matthews Album.  I remember playing Mega Man for 8 straight hours once when I was little, without taking a break to go to the bathroom even though I really had to.  This resulted in me uttering the phrase my family likes to bring up now, when I introduce new friends: "Mom, my stomach hurts cause  I can't make poos."

By:|January 25, 2008

Mitt Romney Has A Puppeteer

Listen closely after Tim Russert asks Mitt Romney a question. Apparently someone was feeding Mitt information through an ear piece or something and his mic picked it up. When he's asked the question about Ronald Reagan, you can hear some dude say "he raised taxes." Man, I wish I had somebody feeding me lines when I talk to people. Especially when I'm at the drive thru, I can never remember what I came there to order. A simple whisper of "Double cheeseburger, no Mayonnaise," would help out a lot. Lucky for you, Holy Taco was at this debate, and OUR mic picks up even more. Wait a few seconds after the first whisper, you'll hear a whole lot more. romney whisper - Watch more free videos

By:|January 25, 2008

By:|January 24, 2008

By:|January 24, 2008

59% Get Lost In Emilie De Ravine

That's right, over 6000 votes were cast and 59% of Holy Taco readers would rather do the blond chick from lost who had a baby, than the dark haired one who cock teases Matthew Fox every episode. I must say, I was surprised. Maybe I need to get more in touch with you, the reader. Nah, that sounds like a lot of work. As usual, actual reactions from REAL readers. Trader J. - I don't want to do either one, I just want to know how the show ends. Bobby J. - I want to be in the middle of a lost sandwich. I don't even know what that means but I have an erection. Paddy - I'm so glad this show is coming back so that it can go nowhere again. Thanks to everyone who voted. We're working on getting a comments section going for the WWYRD, so that all of your opinions can be heard. Scary, I know.

By:|January 24, 2008

Hillary Clinton Doesn’t Remember This Guy

Politicians never remember taking pictures with people who turn out to be criminals. In fact, nobody in Washington ever remembers anything. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw one of them pull down their pants in the middle of a debate and take a shit, and then the moderator say "Excuse me! What are you doing?" and the politician says "Oh. God. I'm so sorry. I forgot that I was supposed to go to the bathroom and do this." Anyway, maybe she doesn't remember taking that picture, but she sure as hell better remember this one: I mean seriously, who forgets taking a picture with Sarah Jessica Parker. Also, I can understand why Saddam would be upset, I've been to these junkets. They just grab you and toss you in a picture. Very intrusive.

By:|January 24, 2008

Ronald McDonald’s Daughter Is Hot

Ronald McDonald's Daughter - Watch more free videos Why does every other country have way better commercials than we do? Weirdo clowns don't make me want to eat cheeseburgers. But hot chicks dressed up as mental patients sure do.

By:|January 24, 2008

Scarlett Johannson Hates People Who Can Hear

I'm not sure what it is about some actors, but they're never happy just being actors. They're always like "Acting is just my job, but my passion is (insert pretentious hobby). It's like they don't want to be actors, but unfortunately god dealt them this cruel card in life to play. Meanwhile somewhere in South Jersey a longshoreman had a bird shit on him while he was unloading barrels of cabbage in 90 degree heat. Anyway, with that in mind, I read this from popsugar.com: Scarlett Johansson's first album, which features 10 covers and one original song, will be released in May. Whoa, 10 COVERS and ONE original song? How the hell is this not different from just recording someone at a karaoke bar? Oh wait, because Scarlett Johansson is ridiculously hot and people at Kareoke bars look like this:

By:|January 24, 2008

Jessica Simpson Writes Us a Letter

Now that Tony Romo shit the bed, booting the Cowboys from the playoffs, rumors are flying around that Romo dumped Jessica Simpson. Well, Jessica Simpson is here to set the record straight. Usmagazine.com reports: "That rag completely fabricated and made up that story," Simpsons rep Cindi Berger tells Usmagazine.com in a statement. Simpson's lawyers have sent a strongly-worded letter demanding a retraction for the article. I did some investigating of my own, and found that before her lawyers sent that letter, Jessica Simpson sent one herself. Don't ask me how I got this, just know that wearing a fake mustache and pretending to be an oil baron named Bartholomew Cadence Wellington III were involved.

By:|January 24, 2008

Bill Buckner Sucks At Video Games, Too

1986 World Series on RBI Baseball - Watch more free videos With baseball still a few months away and no football this weekend, you may be feeling a bit of sports withdrawal right now. So here's your fix. I have no idea how someone made this video, but it's Nintendo's classic RBI Baseball played out EXACTLY as the bottom half of the 10th inning of the 1986 World Series (Buckner's game) over Vin Scully's call. It's eight minutes long, but once you realize what you're watching you can't turn it off. I still don't know how he made Marty Barrett the Miller Lite Player of the Game. This is amazing.

By:|January 24, 2008

Taco Belle: Maria Sharapova

Age: 20 Where you've seen her: Aside from ads for her own fragrance and SI's Swimsuit Issue, Maria Sharapova will also be in the Australian Open Finals tomorrow. She's a lot like Anna Kournakova...except Maria actually wins tournaments. Tantalizing trivia: In Russian, her name looks like this: ?????? ???????? ????????? .                    

By:|January 24, 2008

Eva Longoria Gets Ink Done

Sometimes the only way to show someone you love them is by getting a tattoo.  And sometimes, that person you love plays professional basketball.  And when both those things happen, you have no other choice but to get a hideous tattoo of their number on the back of your neck. People.com reports: The Desperate Housewives star was spotted with somewhat cryptic ink on her neck Wednesday.  Asked what the tattoo says, a rep for the star tells PEOPLE: "Nine" - that's Tony Parker's jersey number on the San Antonio Spurs. In related news, Robert Swift's girlfriend vomited repeatedly after they had sex.

By:|January 24, 2008

Parenting Tip: Don’t Put Your Baby In Dryer

Becoming a parent is one of the scariest things you can ever do in your life. You have so many questions, but nowhere to find the answers. Do you take it to the doctor whenever it has a fever? How often should you feed it? How long do you keep it in the dryer? All these are standard questions any new parent would want to ask. Luckily, the lads over at c00lstuff.com have put together an easy to read (well, it's mostly pictures) guide to what to do and, more importantly, what not to do with your newborn infant. See tons more of these hilariously helpful parenting tips at c00lstuff.com.

By:|January 23, 2008

Pet Toy or Sex Toy?

The line between sex and pets, is often times blurry, especially in Arkansas. But the line between sex toys and pet toys is shockingly blurry. Take a look at the products below and see if you can guess which you use in the throws of passion, and which you use to throw to your dog. Move your cursor over the question mark below each product and you'll find the answer. [kml_flashembed movie="http://media1.holytaco.com/web/holytaco/perm/utils/img.swf?img=http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2059/2217253864_7804b50166.jpg?v=0" height="200" width="200"/] [kml_flashembed movie="http://media1.holytaco.com/web/holytaco/perm/utils/img.swf?img=http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2059/2217253864_7804b50166.jpg?v=0" height="200" width="200"/]

By:|January 23, 2008

Britney Spears Scares Small Children

Normally, Britney Spears can't wipe her ass without a group of paparazzi snapping pictures of it, but somehow this story didn't sneak out until today: Britney Spears is no stranger to odd antics, but her behavior on January 7th was particularly bizarre. A source tells usmagazine.com the "scantily clad" pop star showed up at a Beverly Hills elementary school, saying she was there to pick up someone else's kids. The singer parked her car outside the school just before 4 p.m. and spent 10 minutes smoking cigarettes and talking to herself while she waited for classes to let out. "She was just rambling and confused," says the witness who approached her to ask if she was OK. "She said, I'm here to pick up my kids." But then she changed her story and said, 'They aren't my kids; I have a new attorney and I came to pick them up for her.'" Before driving off (without any children), she chatted up the female witness: "She said, 'You're so nice. You should give me your number. I don't have very many friends.'" Okay, we all know Britney is crazy, but to get proper perspective, let's put her against some of the more famous crazy people of our time:

By:|January 23, 2008