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The Morning Jolt: WTF News

Well, he's asking a reasonable question.

By:|January 25, 2012


Why We Can’t Sneeze With Our Eyes Open

As the myth goes, if you sneeze with your eyes open your eyes will pop out of your head. This is has long since been disproven, but it doesn’t change the fact that our eyes do indeed close when we sneeze. You can force them open with your fingers or keep them nice and wide with sheer force of will, no hand required, but our natural inclination is to seal them shut when a sneeze comes hurling out of our heads. For so long I never wondered why we close our eyes when we sneeze…but then I saw a video of Youtube user Jaadalade sneezeing twice with her eyes open and I realized why we unconsciously close our eyes. It’s not out of some fear of our eyes rocketing out of our skulls, it’s a subconscious need to not look like we’re attempting a sudden and deadly attack upon those around us.

By:|January 24, 2012


7 Videos Of Rednecks And Guns

Hey y'all, we decided to get American on your ass today, for no particular reason. You're allowed to do that in an election year. In fact, you're supposed to get as American as you possibly can, at every opportunity during an election year. A little talked about issue this year is gun control. It's one of those things we tend to focus on more when our economy isn't in the toilet. Even when gun control is a hot-button issue, it's only an issue to a section of America. Mostly the middle section, and Ted Nugent fans. Rednecks love guns, is what we're trying to say here. If for some reason you choose not to believe that, then I suggest you watch these videos...

By:|January 24, 2012


GIF Attack!

Man, this site redesign is really messing with my ability to add quips to GIF Attacks. How can I quip if the first GIF is below this sentence and not above it?! It can't be done! It's impossible! F*ck this! I'm outta here! Here's your f*cking GIFS!

By:|January 24, 2012


25 Battlestar Galactica Tattoos

We've covered Star Trek and Star Was tattoos in the past, even some Lord of the Rings, but just how deep does the nerd hole go when it comes to body mods? Right here, kids. Right frackin' here.

By:|January 24, 2012


How to End the Simpsons

So, you’ve decided to end the longest running, funniest show in the history of television that has, according to many, suffered a severe slide in quality over the past few (dozen) years. Good for you! But you can’t end a television icon on a whim, you need to put some effort into making this memorable. Technically you could not make a big deal out of it and end it on what we might call “The Whisper” but that would be lame and awful, and we will not stand for that. Do not do that. However, deciding how to end it will take some thought. Let’s peruse some options!

By:|January 24, 2012

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The Morning Jolt: Holy Taco Driving Academy

We were in a hurry. It happens.

By:|January 24, 2012


There Is A Village In China Named Dog Sh*t

Your chance to visit one of the most poorly named villages in the world will soon some to an end! Act now! Be one of the last people to visit Dog Shit Village in China’s Guizhou province before it is renamed!

By:|January 23, 2012


13 People Who Think Joe ‘Paternal’ Died

The recent passing of Penn State's legendary coach, Joe Paterno, has a lot of people truly upset. Some are so upset, in fact, that they kept screwing up his last name. You can blame it on autocorrect, or maybe it's hard to type accurately through the tears. Either way, we think it's kind of funny.

By:|January 23, 2012

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25 Celebrities as Furries

Fan art is a weird thing sometimes, makes you want to give your favorite celebrity a horse's ass. But hey, some folks are into that. We're pretty sure some of these pics came from DeviantArt, so you should check out the kids over there who put together some awesome work.

By:|January 23, 2012


5 Models Who Ruined Themselves with Muscles

The western world is torn between two extremes right now – extreme good health and not giving a shit. Those of us who don’t give a shit celebrate this with the love of bacon, with Epic Meal Time and with Scotch. Those concerned with health avoid gluten, run a pre-determined number of miles each day and may actually know what their blood pressure is. This is all fine and good but the problem arises when, quite without warning, these healthy, wonderful people go from looking vital and attractive and nice and normal to looking like vein-riddled beef jerky nailed to a wooden skeleton.

By:|January 23, 2012


The Morning Jolt: This Man Judges a Singing Competition

Makes you proud, doesn't it? especially if you're a screech owl.

By:|January 23, 2012



What Zoology fails to mention is that cheese balls are always good.

By:|January 22, 2012

2012-01-20 Buni


Let's hope Buni is on the next season of True Blood.

By:|January 22, 2012

Pay Phone

Sunday Comics

The best thing about Sunday comics is the comics.

By:|January 22, 2012


To The A-Holes That Keep Honking In Front of My Apartment

I’m going to install a .50 cal. turret on my apartment’s no-bigger-than-a-twin-sized-bed balcony and the next motherf*cker that honks for no perceived reason is going to get turned in to one of those many moment that the Mythbusters evaporate solid objects with streaming nuggets of fire.

By:|January 20, 2012


Newt Gingrich Just Showed Up To Our Swingers Party

So here's some gross news: One woman is not enough to satisfy Newt Gingrich. According to his ex-wife, Marianne Gingrich, he wanted an open marriage. Well, he wanted it to officially be an open marriage. To Newt, it had already been pretty open. He was boning the woman he ended up marrying after he left Marianne, while he was still married to Marianne. It's difficult being a powerful, girl-hungry man like Newt.

By:|January 20, 2012


Fred Stoller’s My Seinfeld Year: A Review

You know who Fred Stoller is. You may not have known you knew, but you know. He's been in just short of everything as that kind of vaguely depressed sounding schmucky guy - Dumb and Dumber, the Sarah Silverman Program, Wizards of Waverly Place, Everybody Loves Raymond, Scrubs and of course Seinfeld amongst dozens of others (including Handy Manny. He's a wrench!).

By:|January 20, 2012


25 Hobo Movies

We can't say enough good things abut Hobo with a Shotgun, but if one hobo movie just isn't enough to satisfy you, here's a full 25 hobo flicks to fill a couple of days of viewing for you.

By:|January 20, 2012


25 New Jokes for Dane Cook

You may not have heard but while Keystone pipelines were being sent to China and Wikipedias were being shut down, in LA, alleged comedian Dane Cook showed up at the Laugh Factory and proceeded to inject semi-solid hate directly into the eyeballs and earballs of every comedian in the building. You’ve probably heard comedians hate on each other before, everyone hates on Carlos Mencia and, generally, Dane Cook, but this was epic hatery. Hate that even Kardashians don’t get. Rick Santorum doesn’t get. Barack Obama doesn’t get. It was rough.

By:|January 20, 2012