The Inner Monologue Of The Kentucky Man Who Left His Baby At The Grocery Store
Oh Jesus. Ok. I need to double check this stupid list before I check-out... Eggs. Right there. Milk. There. Two bags of frozen mixed vegetables, one large bag of rice, the steaks. Ok, check, check and check. Everything looks to be here. Got the bread too. Good. Cereal, soy milk, regular milk and coffee. Got it, got it, got it, and got it. Good work, Steven. You've officially given Amy nothing to bitch at you about. And now, to the check out. Kids are all here. Ok... Now to pick the shortest line.
By:Jim Tews|December 1, 2011
Batslam
Why Batmanning Never Caught On - Watch MoreFunny Videos Squeeky Gets The Boot (truTV) Elizabeth Masucci Hotness (Maxim) The Most Divisive Athletes Ever (Ranker) Uma Thurman Busts Out (Popoholic) Mortal Man Marries Anne Hathaway (FunnyCrave) This Week In Robot Chicken...(AdultSwim) Epic Family Photo (Lulzshirts) Jesse Jane Hotness (RegretfulMorning) Meet Hoodie Allen (BroBible) Old Timey Insults That Need A Comeback (TheSmokingJacket) Why Women Shouldn't Get Plastic Surgery (Guyism) Daniel Day Is...Lincoln (TheDailyWhat) Ashley Greene: Angel Of Death (CelebSlam) Hot Babes Named Chelsea (GorillaMask) Dogs Hanging Out Of Car Windows (SuperBooyah) Women Who Dont Like Owls (IAmBored) The Most Nauseating Reality Show Pregnancies (ScreenJunkies) Hanson Is Back (FilmDrunk)
By:admin|December 1, 2011
25 of the Most Awesome Giant Movie Monsters
A monster movie is only as good as its monster, and if you're a lazy/awesome filmmaker, that just means making your monster really big. So check out these giant bad boys while contemplating if tomorrow's gallery is going to be tiny monsters (hint: yes).
By:Ian Fortey|December 1, 2011
Gift Guide: Holy Taco’s Picks for the Best Presents of 2011
Every year, every website under the sun presents to you its gift guide for the best and coolest loot you can share with loved ones this holiday season (which we think mean Christmas and Hanukkah). Other sites probably do this much better than us, except for the fact that they don’t! Because their lists are cold and passionless. Our list is full of stuff we want for us because we live in difficult times and places and we legitimately need everything we have listed here. So if we inspire you, buy this stuff for a loved one because if you give the gift of Holy Taco, you give the gift of love. But also, maybe buy it for us. One of our editors lives in a storage unit. For real. He poops in a bucket. Feel free to guess which editor. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. That aside, on with the gift guide.
By:Ian Fortey|December 1, 2011
The Morning Jolt – Keyboard Cat Hates Nerds
This kid probably lives in an underground lair right now, plotting against each and every one of us.
By:Ian Fortey|December 1, 2011
Nothing Wrong With Any Of This
Cute Girl Vs. Skinny Jeans - Watch MoreFunny Videos Hot Bartender MIA (truTV) Elizabeth Masucci Hotness (Maxim) The Greatest Love Songs of the 2000s (Nerve) Paulina Gretzky's Hottest Pics (Coed) Best Comedy Albums of 2011 (Clutch) DARPAs Mind Control Technology (FunnyCrave) The Most Awkward Kiss Ever (Linkiest) The World In Stop Motion (DogAndPony) Jessie Jane Hotness (RegretfulMorning) Awesomely Placed Price Tags (PopCrunch) Epic Leafblower Spins (JackFM) Girls Shooting Gunz (LulzShirts) The Best Sidekicks in TV History (Guyism) The Existential Muppets (TheDailyWhat) Meanwhile in Bangkok (DJMick) Dog Goes Grocery Shopping (ForkParty) Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Hotness (MoeJackson) Jaws: The Musical! (Heavy) Daniel Day Lewis Is...Lincoln (FilmDrunk) Armie Babe Hotness (GorillaMask) 7 Minutes In Heaven (egoTV) Amy Childs Busts Out (HollywoodTuna) Hottie On The Water (DoubleViking) Shannon Ihrke Hotness (CagePotato)
By:admin|November 30, 2011
Men Think About Sex 18 Times A Day, Says Study; Not Every Seven Seconds
You know that absurd statistic about how men think about sex “every seven seconds”? You know, the stat you’ve been hearing about your entire life but have never once had sourced, or have seen any official documentation about? Well, it turns out it might be wrong. Completely. Wrong by a wide margin. According to some new research conducted by psychologist Terri Fisher, the average collage male thinks about sex roughly 18 times day. Eighteen as opposed to seven multiplied by however many seven-second intervals there are in a 24 period, which is math that I refuse to do, mostly because I couldn’t do it even if I tried really hard.
By:Luis Prada|November 30, 2011
GIF Attack!
I don't remember the Street Sharks commercials being so much like a David Cronenberg movie.
By:Luis Prada|November 30, 2011
You + Santa + Machine Guns = And All-American Christmas
So you've been planning to take the kids to the mall to get their annual photo with Santa Claus. Sounds like a good idea. If you're an anti-American pansy! You gonna get another picture of your lame kid in an ugly sweater, forcing a smile while he sits on a mall Santa's lap? Maybe you oughta switch it up a little bit this year. Try maybe not making your kids look like wimps. I'll tell you what these Santa Claus pictures need -- guns. C'mon, it's pretty obvious. You want to send a message, you want to let the world know what a gaggle of badass m.f.'ers your family is? You got two options: throw in some topless chicks, or make everyone hold guns. Not down for the topless chicks? Guns it is. If this is something you're actually looking to do, which we'd highly recommend, you can head down to Scottsdale, Arizona. If you're a member of their gun club, you can get your family's photos taken with Santa, and some really expensive, hard to obtain guns. AR-15's, grenade launchers, and AK-47's. Let everyone on your Christmas mailing list that you are not to be f*cked with!
By:Jim Tews|November 30, 2011
This Dude Has Wings
Our friends over at TruTV have this story up about the former world's fattest man wanting the government to pay for cosmetic surgery but good lord, am I wrong? He has wing flaps. Look at that shit! Someone needs to pay to fix that, if not for him, for the rest of us. Read the rest of the story here
By:Ian Fortey|November 30, 2011
Kung Fu Jamboree
Martial Arts Jamboree - Watch MoreFunny Videos Squeeky Gets The Boot (truTV) Victorias Secret Hotness (Maxim) Charlize Theron Gets Chesty (Popoholic) The Weirdest Hollywood Deaths Ever (Ranker) The Hottest Victoria's Secret Videos (BroBible) RIP Patrice O'Neal (FunnyCrave) What Not To Get Your Girlfriend For Christmas (Guyism) Chuck Pahliniuk and Adultswim (AdultSwim) 5 Hobbies Girls Actually Dig (TheSmokingJacket) Fire Alarm News Blooper (TheDailyWhat) Douchebags Wreck Corvettes (RegretfulMorning) Mahna Mahna Came From 60s Porno (FilmDrunk)
By:admin|November 30, 2011
Holytaco Buzz: Battlefield Earth IRL
Just when you thought Gold hungry Aliens who dressed like 90s Dreadlocked Trance Goths were just the makings of fiction, South Africa has to prove us wrong. According to their top conspiracy theorists, Aliens are, in fact, after our gold supply, and working on it as we speak. Though their proof may be a little on the light side, all they really need is John Travolta's awe inspiring 1999 film Battlefield Earth as proof. Leverage, humans. It's all about Leverage.
By:Noah G|November 30, 2011
25 Creepy Stuffed Toys
Stuffed toys are some of the first you'll give a child, due to their lack of sharp corners and/or arsenic. And while that's all fine and good you should probably not give them creepy, nightmare toys. Unless you're positive it'll be funny.
By:Ian Fortey|November 30, 2011
Explaining the Graffiti of 18 Artists
Graffiti is one of the great modern art forms, insofar as anyone can do it anywhere. Maybe not legally, but people still do it. Some people are amazing, others are terrible, and they all put it out there for the rest of us to see and/or power wash off our walls. Let's take a moment to appreciate the genre and see if we can account for what some of the artists were aiming for with their work as divided into four easily identifiable categories.
By:Ian Fortey|November 30, 2011
The Morning Jolt – This is What Suck Looks Like
Hello Little Printer, available 2012 from BERG on Vimeo. This is the Little Printer. It will waste tiny rolls of paper making little newspapers for you based on shit your friends send you. There is literally no reason for it to exist.
By:Ian Fortey|November 30, 2011
Spaceball
Baseball in Space - Watch MoreFunny Videos Wife Says No To Big Boy (truTV) Daniela Ruah Hotness (Maxim) The Best And Worst Scorsese Flicks (Nerve) The Craziest Cover Songs of All Time (JackFM) What Men Need To Know About Women (Coed) Hotties In Lingerie (Linkiest) Can Adult Men Sit On Santa? (Clutch) The Dumbest Movies With Killer Snakes (PopCrunch) RIP Patrice O'Neal (FunnyCrave) Chinese Shopping Dog (TheDailyWhat) The 90s In A Nutshell (DogAndPony) Lisalla Montenegro Hotness (DJMick) Things Women Do That Piss Us Off (Guyism) Yale Teaches Course On Partying (CampusSocialite) Man Gets Black Mamba, Goes To Hospital (RegretfulMorning) Weird, Incredibly Specific Fetishes (ForkParty) Charlize Theron Hotness (MoeJackson) The Greatest Animal Photobombs (Heavy) Miss Leila Hotness (GorillaMask) 25 Awesome Police Cars (EgoTV) Jessica Albas Glorious Booty (HollywoodTuna) The Hottest Babe You'll See Today (DoubleViking) Katherine Heigl Hates Balls (FilmDrunk) Jon Jones' Got Nothin' On This (CagePotato)
By:admin|November 29, 2011
According To Science, WiFi Kills Sperm. To Put It Another Way, WiFi Is A Contraceptive
If you and your lady have been trying to have a baby but your sperm just isn’t finding its way to the egg, then you should probably stop having sex while amid the invisible fog of your home’s WiFi connection and you should probably stop ejaculating while you have your laptop rested on your lovely lady’s back as you catch up on episodes of House on Hulu. A team of Argentinian scientists at the Nascentis Center for Reproductive Medicine in Cordoba, Argentina got their hands on some WiFi and some sperm, as all men are want to do on a thrice daily basis, and they performed some science all over that shit. Their conclusion? WiFi kills sperm! Everybody panic NOW!
By:Luis Prada|November 29, 2011
GIF Attack!
I've never dropped acid, but I'm pretty sure it's exactly like this.
By:Luis Prada|November 29, 2011
Three Terrifying Developments In Robot Technology
The advancements in robot technology are constantly making mind-blowing leaps and bounds, and nobody but me seems to be afraid of it. It's almost as if nobody ever, in the world, particularly in China and Japan, is completely unfamiliar with science fiction in any form. Robot development will eventually lead to a robot takeover. Yes, at one point, that was fiction, but it's quickly becoming reality. As robots get more awesome, they start to realize what worthless pieces of organic matter us humans are. All it's going to take is that one tiny step forward in artificial intelligence for advanced robot brains to see us for what we are: a virus. In this update, that should terrify you, we've got three new models. One that worms around creepily, one that looks like a giant ant-eater, and one that will do whatever you tell it to via Xbox Kinect.
By:Jim Tews|November 29, 2011
13 Inexplicable Male Porn Stars
The world of porn is a strange reflection of the real world. It’s more naked, and ladies are willing to have sex when they lack funds for pizza, when the cable guy comes or even if it’s raining and they can’t go out and play squash. The women are surgically perfected but the men are like funhouse representations of dudes in ways that boggle the mind. Half the dudes seem to be generic muscle-freaks and the rest look like they escaped from a zoo. And yet women do them. On camera. All day long. And no one in the HT office can even get a woman to make eye contact with us. Anyway, here are the 13 most mind-boggling.
By:Ian Fortey|November 29, 2011
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